A few weeks back I read an article that basically said, "The worst thing you could ask of your daughter is to be an example for her friends." According to the author, the pressure your daughter feels from this kind of request pushes her to put on a good face, but to never feel like she herself can admit her fears, hurts, or shortcomings.
"Oh my gosh! I've ruined my children!" was my initial emotional response. My husband and I often ask our children to be good role models for their younger siblings. We encourage our children to be leaders among their friends and their peers at church. Have I been wrong this whole time in asking them to do that? Doubt raced through my mind and robbed me of my confidence. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what to write. Guilt bubbled in my core.
When my emotions finally settled down, I tried to think through this author's words with a clear head. I had written before on something similar to this. We are role models, whether we want to be one or not. Our choice is to be good role models, or bad role models.
Similarly, I can ask my children to be an example for their friends, though I should explain clearly to them what type of example they should be. After all, Paul wrote these words to young Timothy: Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity (I Timothy 4:12). My children can be examples of perfect, happy people, or they can be examples of people who know that they are saved by grace, people who know that their greatest example is Jesus Christ (see Philippians 2).
When my emotions finally settled down, I tried to think through this author's words with a clear head. I had written before on something similar to this. We are role models, whether we want to be one or not. Our choice is to be good role models, or bad role models.
Similarly, I can ask my children to be an example for their friends, though I should explain clearly to them what type of example they should be. After all, Paul wrote these words to young Timothy: Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity (I Timothy 4:12). My children can be examples of perfect, happy people, or they can be examples of people who know that they are saved by grace, people who know that their greatest example is Jesus Christ (see Philippians 2).
So what it comes down to is this: The worst thing I could ask of my daughter is to be an example without being the right example for her. And if I am the kind of mother who cares more about appearances, then I will teach my children to do the same. If I am the kind of mother who pretends to have it altogether, then my children will grow into that mold.
But if I am the kind of mother who can say, "I'm sorry. I was wrong," who can share about the lessons she is learning, who gives grace and freely admits that she is in need of it too, who cares for those who are weaker and smaller, whose goal is not to be an example but to bring healing to people, who looks to Jesus, then I want to say to my children, again and again and again,
"Be an example. For your friends. For your peers. For the world."
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