When I was young, I always wished that my parents would throw a big party at our house. And one year, they did! It was Christmas, and we had people filling every corner of our small townhouse. I still remember that night– singing carols around the piano, the lights and decorations on our banister, and wishing that it would snow (just to be picture perfect). That night has been cemented in my mind as one of the most magical, lovely nights of my life.
I'm the one throwing the parties now: birthdays, Christmas, just-because… last Friday I hosted a church leadership meeting for twenty-two people. I love sharing our home with people! And people love coming over, because with six kids, it almost always feels like a party at our house!
But seriously, that is exactly my family's approach when it comes to hospitality. We are simply inviting people into our family. People of all ages come and eat, or play games, or discuss life with us. We don't do anything fancy. We don't spend hundred of dollars. We don't spend hours dusting, sweeping, and wiping. All we are doing is making our home open.
Maybe you'd like your home to be open too, but you don't know where to start. Start with this: hospitality does not mean having the "fun" house, throwing a Pinterest bridal shower, or hosting the youth group every Friday night. You can invite one person over and still be hospitable. But many don't, and for one reason only– they are afraid of what people will think. What if they don't like my cooking? I don't have nice furniture! What if we run out of things to talk about?
Remember, your goal is not to impress. Your goal is to invite people into your family.
That is it! Yes, there are still the logistics of making this happen, but real hospitality begins with thoughtfulness. Then, with a little planning and a little practice, you are on your way to being a stellar host! So let's get started with our lesson in Hospitality 101!
Setting: Whether you have a tiny apartment or a large, expansive house, you can make your home inviting! The key is to think about your guests. You might not mind a hot or cold house (especially if you like to keep your electric bill low), but for the sake of your guests, make the temperature as comfortable as you can while your guests are with you. Turn on more lights than you usually use. Make sure there are enough chairs for everyone coming. Put on some of your favorite quiet music (which also could become a topic of conversation). If you are hosting a large gathering, think about the flow of traffic (are people going outside? how do they get to the bathroom? Where will the drinks go? Where will the garbage cans be?) If your guests have young children, remove breakable items and provide some toys. A nursing mom might need a room for privacy. An elderly person needs easy access to his/her place at the table.
The time of day is also important when you are thinking about your guests. Pastors and other people in ministry might have to get up early on Sundays, so it would be wise to plan something earlier on a Saturday evening. If you are inviting families with young children, you will have to take into consideration naps and bedtimes. Who wants to have a temper tantrum ruining an otherwise pleasant get-together? The hardest for me is when our family is invited to dinner at 5:00, but the meal (unbeknownst to me) won't be served until 7:00 or 7:30. Usually by the time we sit down to eat, my youngest children are hungry, cranky, and tired. If in doubt, ask your guests what is the best for them.
And one more thing! Cleaning your house is important, but I want to emphasize that your house does not need to be spotless before you can have people over. Don't let your everyday messes be an excuse for not inviting people into your home. A house that looks lived-in is actually more inviting than a house that looks like it belongs on a magazine cover. People (especially those with children) feel more 'at home' knowing that you have messes too!
Tip: Make lists. Having people over (no matter the number of people) can seem overwhelming. Write out what needs to get done and check things off as you go. This always helps me because I can be so forgetful sometimes!
Tip: Spread out the tasks. Don't wait until the last two hours to do everything. I do as much cleaning as possible the day before, then do a quick clean of the bathroom the day of. I try to bake, chop, or cook beforehand too, so that once my guests arrive, I have minimal work to do and more time to socialize. (That's why casseroles, roasts, potpies, or slow cooker meals are great!)
Menu: At the time of confirmation of our get-together, I always ask my guests whether they have food restrictions or preferences. If your guests use a term you are not familiar with, don't be afraid to ask (What is vegan exactly? What is a paleo diet? Does rice have gluten in it?) I have learned to cook for vegetarians, vegans, and dairy-free and/or gluten-free friends.
The next step is to decide on your menu. I always go with a recipe I know. If I'm feeling adventurous and want to try something new, I will make that dish at least once for my family before I make it for my guests (and then we do the 'thumbs-up-thumbs-down' test.) But don't think that you need to plan some elaborate three-course meal! Remember, your goal is to invite your guests into your family. If you serve spaghetti with store-bought sauce and store-bought meatballs, that's okay! You are still sitting together to eat and chat.
I like to make main dishes that cook slowly in the oven, on the stove, or in a crockpot. (Oftentimes, these recipes are also easy to double or triple). The sides are as simple as a salad, roasted vegetables, fresh fruit, and bread/pasta/rice. And don't underestimate soup! Soups are delicious and great for feeding a large crowd on a tight budget. Then there's dessert (of course!) and that can be as simple as ice cream or brownies (or both!) If your guests are coming an hour before dinner, you might want to serve some appetizers; chips and dip, raw veggies, fruit, or nuts are all good and easy choices.
Tip: If you're really stuck, do this: Burrito bar or baked potato bar is easy AND caters to people with different diets. Provide corn tortillas for the gluten-free guests (potatoes are naturally gluten-free), plenty of veggies for the non-meat eaters, and let your guests make their own dinner! (I don't mean that really… you're still cooking the meat and chopping and all that…)
Tip: Have something on hand in your pantry for when people come by. It could be microwavable popcorn, a box of brownie mix, or cookies (or cookie dough) in your freezer. I have lots of paper cupcake liners, because I like to make spur-of-the moment birthday cupcakes!
Conversation: I'm not a talker. Get me in a room with another non-talker, and it can get awkward! But I have a few tricks up my sleeves for times like that.
1) Be the one to get the ball rolling. Set the tone. Greet your guests with enthusiasm. Invite them into the room that you will be in too (meaning, don't sit them in the living room, then say, "I need to finish up dinner in the kitchen." If you need to cook, bring your guests into the kitchen.) Ask if they would like something to drink. Introduce people who don't know each other.
2) Marry a talker. I'm kidding… well, only half-kidding. My husband is very comfortable talking with almost anyone, and he has learned to include me in (even though sometimes I'm happy just to sit and listen). If you aren't married, or your spouse isn't a talker either, think of inviting another person or couple to join you. I find that conversation is easier for me when there is at least one other person there. Then I don't feel the burden of having to carry the conversation.
3) Have questions ready. My husband and I love to ask "How did you meet your spouse?" and "How did you meet Jesus?" Of course, those questions aren't always applicable, so think of other ones that will work for your situation. "Tell me your life story" is an old favorite of mine. Once you and your guest find common ground, you will have plenty more to talk about.
4) Talk while doing something. Cooking, crafting, playing a card game, even walking… conversation flows more easily when your body is moving and your mind isn't concentrating solely on talking.
Tip: Think of a simple game to play to get conversation rolling (pick questions out of a hat, for example). My friend has an app on her phone that generates questions for you. Leave a note at each place setting (or under the plate for more of a surprise!) At Thanksgiving, we pass a small item (a pine cone, a kernel of corn) around and have everyone say one thing for which they are thankful.
Tip: Divide and conquer. We love eating all together, but sometimes we don't fit around the table or we want more time to focus on the adults. For less distraction, have kids eat outside and adults inside. Or eat in shifts (children first, then adults.)
To end this lesson on Hospitality 101, I want to share with you two recipes that I use quite a bit. The first is a dessert or snack that is simple and quick, can be served plain or dressed up, and it's vegan (when I'm low on eggs or milk, this is what I make!) As long as your guests like chocolate, this is a no-fail recipe.
The second recipe is a main dish that requires little effort but tastes great. (Just set your timer to remind you when it's time to baste and flip the chicken.) It also uses bone-in chicken thighs, which is a cheaper cut of meat than chicken breasts and so works well for feeding a lot of people without breaking the bank. I like roasting vegetables and making rice, potatoes, or bread to go with it.
Enjoy! And happy hosting!
Chocolate Cake (makes 9 large servings)
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup sugar
1/4 cup baking cocoa
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 teaspoon white vinegar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup cold water
(ice cream, whipped cream, fruit, or frosting are optional)
Heat oven to 350 degrees Farenheit. Grease bottom and side of round pan or square pan with shortening; lightly flour.
Mix flour, sugar, cocoa, baking soda and salt in medium bowl. Mix oil, vinegar and vanilla. Vigorously stir oil mixture and water into flour mixture for 1 minute or until feel blended. Immediately pour into pan.
Make 30-35 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 15 minutes. Serve warm or cool.
(recipe courtesy of the 'Betty Crocker Cookbook')
Tarragon Broiled Chicken
3/4 teaspoon dried tarragon, crushed
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper
6-8 bone-in, skin-on chicken pieces (thighs work well)
1 tablespoon melted butter
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
Reheat broiler. In cup, combine tarragon, salt and pepper; sprinkle on chicken.
Place chicken, skin side down, in broiling pan without the rack. Brush chicken with butter and sprinkle with lemon juice. Place pan in broiler 8 to 10 inches from heat source.
Broil for 5 minutes. Baste chicken with butter in pan, broil 15 minutes longer.
Turn chicken skin side up; broil 20 -25 minutes until chicken is done (baste occasionally).
(recipe courtesy of the 'All New Good Housekeeping Cookbook')
