Happy Thanksgiving!

From Your Little Sparrow

Dear Dad,

You know how my muscles were clenched as I talked to the mechanic about the minivan. You know how I was trying to discretely scan the paper work, looking for the cost. You know how my hand was on my wallet, ready to give the man my credit card, the same credit card that was recently charged with several thousand dollars to pay for my son's surgery.

What a sweet blessing it was then when the mechanic said, "There is no cost today." I don't know why there was no cost. He had spent at least an hour checking our van for a possible broken part. He had found nothing. He could have charged us for wasting his time and I wouldn't have blamed him! But he loved us as one brother loves another. And my smile and quiet "thank you" hardly conveyed the relief and joy I felt.

Dad, you know the unexpected expenses we have had this year. You know every penny. But you also know that I almost cried when I climbed into my minivan, with the words "There is no cost" still ringing in my ears. And if I had cried, you would have counted every tear, because you care for me. You cared enough to provide in a large ways with extra work for my husband and piano lessons for me. And you cared enough to provide in the little ways, like today.

I love you, Dad. Thank you for always watching out for me.

Love,

Your Little Sparrow

Thankful All Year Round

Leaves are covering our lawn and our Thankful Tree is up. It's the season of the harvest, the time of year when Americans celebrate the holiday of Thanksgiving.

Though Thanksgiving has become mostly a holiday of feasting, football, and mega-sales, I am still grateful for this day because it reminds me to take the time to give thanks to God for everything I have. Sometimes I am so caught up in the busyness of everyday living that I forget to be thankful, and then I find myself growing more and more grumpy and whiny.

I wish my house was newer!
Why can't my children give me five minutes of peace?!
My husband forgot that… again!

It is so easy to slip into that mode of thinking when I am focusing on myself rather than the Giver, forgetting that the people and things in my life are gifts of kindness from God's gracious hands. I don't deserve any of it. And even if I did, I certainly do not deserve it in abundance. Yet God chooses to give me more: seven children, a wonderful kind husband, a home, new life and purpose through His Son.

Everyday is a gift, and every moment a token of God's mercy upon me. I want to practice being thankful all year round,  and never again be envious or discontent.

Let us come into His presence with thanksgiving; 

let us make a joyful noise to Him with songs of praise! 

~Psalm 95:2

*The Thankful Tree is something my family does every year. The children and I (or anyone who comes to our home) write something for which we are thankful for on a leaf. Then the leaf is moved from the ground to a branch. "It's like fall in reverse!" said one of my kids. The poster stays up for weeks  to encourage the children to keep thinking about being thankful. I love seeing a new leaf pop back onto the tree and reading what people write!

No Condemnation

Last night, as I was up nursing, I suddenly remembered a friend of mine. She had said that she needed to talk and would call me, but that was a week ago and I had forgotten all about it. So I took a minute to pray for her, and started to pray for myself, when I suddenly stopped.

If I had kept going, I would have prayed something like this: 

Dear God, I am so sorry for forgetting to pray. Please forgive me. I want to be better at this. I'm so bad at remembering these things.

But surprisingly, these are the words that came out instead: 

Thank you Lord for reminding me to pray for my friend. Thank you for your Spirit that connects us.

What happened?

For years, I had continually approached the throne of God believing that I was still covered in guilt and shame. Anytime I failed to live up to His standards, I would beat myself up, beg for forgiveness, and vow to do better next time. This cycle went on for years.

But the Bible says, "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death." (Romans 8:1-2)

And only now, after so many years of knowing these words in my head, the truth has entered my heart and I am breaking free of my bad habits. I know that I am still going to fail at times, but God is not keeping a record of my wrongs in a book and waving a whip over my head for the times I mess up. He sees me as one redeemed by His Son; my wrongs are covered by Jesus's cloak of righteousness. My life's song is not one of guilt and shame; it is a song of God's love and mercy. 

For God so loved the world that He gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. ~John 3:16-17

I love these verses and I am thankful for this new understanding. Today is my birthday, and I am going to spend the day lingering on these words.

Another Orbit Around the Sun

My birthday comes in a few days. I will have completed thirty-eight orbits around the sun. 

Thirty-eight. 

It sounds old and mature. But I still have a long way to go.

Just this morning I found myself wanting to scream and throw something because the two-year-old was wasting tissue and toilet paper and flushing things down the toilet. I feel that the older I get, the more "stuck in the rut" I get. My old habits burrow deeper into my heart, like a disgusting leech or a blood-sucking tick.

But just as I am about to label myself as a hopeless case, I think about where I was eight years ago. On my thirtieth birthday, my husband lost his job. A few weeks later, our hearts broke when we learned certain truths about our pastor and our church closed its doors. Several months after that, we packed up all our belongings and moved out of our dear little house and in with my in-laws.

Needless to say, my thirtieth birthday was the beginning of a difficult year for me.

But it was also the start of new growth– growth that brought me out of my shell, made me vulnerable and open again, and has drawn me closer to God than ever before. I now have wonderful, healthy relationships with brothers and sisters in the Body, people who will both encourage and challenge me. I am being discipled by older women. I am more attentive to the Spirit, so even when I do fail (which is still every day, several times a day), I am quicker to acknowledge my sin and repent. Though I didn't know it at the time, the crushing feeling I endured through the hard times only made me softer and more humble.

I still have branches that need pruning, such as the Envy branch, the Selfish branch, and the Impatient branch, but I can look back and see God's Hand cutting away the dead parts of my heart while still blessing me with things that I don't deserve. And so, if nothing else, I am more grateful this birthday than I have ever been before.

When I turned thirty-seven, I had no idea what was in store for me. I would have never imagined Baby #7 joining our family! Who knows what this birthday will usher in? (surely not Baby #8… ) I look forward to the surprises that await me in the coming year!