Another Orbit Around the Sun

My birthday comes in a few days. I will have completed thirty-eight orbits around the sun. 

Thirty-eight. 

It sounds old and mature. But I still have a long way to go.

Just this morning I found myself wanting to scream and throw something because the two-year-old was wasting tissue and toilet paper and flushing things down the toilet. I feel that the older I get, the more "stuck in the rut" I get. My old habits burrow deeper into my heart, like a disgusting leech or a blood-sucking tick.

But just as I am about to label myself as a hopeless case, I think about where I was eight years ago. On my thirtieth birthday, my husband lost his job. A few weeks later, our hearts broke when we learned certain truths about our pastor and our church closed its doors. Several months after that, we packed up all our belongings and moved out of our dear little house and in with my in-laws.

Needless to say, my thirtieth birthday was the beginning of a difficult year for me.

But it was also the start of new growth– growth that brought me out of my shell, made me vulnerable and open again, and has drawn me closer to God than ever before. I now have wonderful, healthy relationships with brothers and sisters in the Body, people who will both encourage and challenge me. I am being discipled by older women. I am more attentive to the Spirit, so even when I do fail (which is still every day, several times a day), I am quicker to acknowledge my sin and repent. Though I didn't know it at the time, the crushing feeling I endured through the hard times only made me softer and more humble.

I still have branches that need pruning, such as the Envy branch, the Selfish branch, and the Impatient branch, but I can look back and see God's Hand cutting away the dead parts of my heart while still blessing me with things that I don't deserve. And so, if nothing else, I am more grateful this birthday than I have ever been before.

When I turned thirty-seven, I had no idea what was in store for me. I would have never imagined Baby #7 joining our family! Who knows what this birthday will usher in? (surely not Baby #8… ) I look forward to the surprises that await me in the coming year!