A New Perspective

I had received a set of chalk markers for Christmas, and I was up to no good.

My plan was to use the markers to draw a circle on the bathroom mirror, then write "THE BEST" above the circle, and finally, add several arrows pointing from the words to the circle. The only problem was the circle needed to be at the height of my husband's head, so that when he brushed his teeth that night, he would see his face in a bright halo of arrows.

I grabbed a short stool, one that would make me just about my husband's height, then set it in the bathroom. I was amazed when I stood on it! I never would have thought that five inches could make such a difference. The sink seemed so far away! The top of the door frame was so close! I could see the top of the towel rack, not just the towel! And the low shower nozzle, which is a perfect height for me, must be so frustrating for him!

For the first time, I was seeing the world as my husband saw it. And for the first time, I had a true understanding of how different our perspectives could be! And just think, if a few inches could make such a big difference, then our backgrounds, educations, genders, and personalities could make an even bigger difference.

At that moment, my appreciation for my husband went way up, because, despite our differences, I don't often feel like my husband and I are at odds. We are two minds that strive to be in unity and we see "eye to eye" more often than not. This isn't always easy (because our tendency is to assume that other people see things the same way as we see them) but my husband tries to communicate his thoughts and feelings as clearly as he can, and encourages me to do the same. We must make a practice of continually learning about the other person (more on that in the next post!)

And I thank God that despite our differences, my husband and I hold on to the same goals and values. We are bound by the love of God, which is greater than any differences we have.

Last weekend, we took the family on a day trip to the Chico area. As we drove home, my husband pointed to the setting sun reflecting in the glassy smooth surfaces of the ponds. "Wow!" we said. And even if I couldn't know for sure that my husband saw the same oranges and reds I saw, I knew that his heart and mine were in unity.

This is a picture of what I want for my marriage… today and everyday.

(Tip: Chalk markers are great for leaving love notes on mirrors to your spouse!)

God's Power Through Our Meekness (by guest writer, Stephanie McDaniels)

Meekness is not a word that is used much nowadays, especially in a culture that equates meekness to being weak. 'Meekness' does not mean 'weakness', though according to the worldview's definition, it means exactly that. The worldview thinks meekness produces men and women who have no backbone and no boldness.  The biblical definition of meekness means 'power under control'.  Jesus says, “for I am meek and lowly in heart” (Matthew 11:29). Jesus by far was not weak, but rather, courageous and bold.  Jesus walked this earth with meekness, having complete control over His power with obedience to the Father (Philippians 2:1-11). 

The question then becomes...

How do we as Christ followers show meekness in today's world where it is looked down on? What stops you from desiring this quality Jesus possessed?

Jesus, our High Priest, who faithfully obeyed the Father's will and died on the cross for our sins, was the perfect example of a humble servant. The Father's son came not to be served but to serve (Matthew 20:28). This is in contrast to today's “ME” culture of putting our desires first. As Christians, we have to separate ourselves from this natural sinful nature and consciously put others before ourselves.  This could be as simple as allowing someone to go before you in the grocery store line when you were the obvious next customer. Or extending forgiveness and grace to a husband who has said unkind things to you after a stressful day at work.  Another way could be like a mother showing love to her rebellious teenager who just spent the last hour yelling and cursing at her.  When we choose to be meek, God's power and love is made more evident to the people around us.

Showing meekness (power under the Spirit’s control) means knowing and trusting that God can use everyday events to conform us more into the image of Him. Use these opportunities to glorify our Father in heaven.  Always know God is good. He cares about us in every aspect of our lives. As we go through our daily lives, we must put on a humble servant's attitude.  Allow the Holy Spirit to work within you, for it is He who possesses the power that sustains you. 

I recently wrote a note to a dear friend of mine, and in the note I mentioned how I admired her meekness. She e-mailed me after receiving the note, a bit surprised because she never thought of herself as being meek.  What an awesome testament of how work the Holy Spirit works in our daily lives without our even knowing it!

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From...

Stores are decked out in red and pink hearts. Chocolates, stuffed animals, and cards are on display. St. Valentine's Day is less than a month away, as is my husband's birthday. So naturally, my thoughts (and writing) turn to the topic of marriage. And in light of my last post, I want to start off this "series" by addressing the issue of gender differences. 

Several years ago, I was filling up my car at a local gas station, just sitting in the seat waiting to finish, when I saw a woman pull up at a pump across the way. There were two empty pumps available to her, but for some reason, she stopped at the first pump instead of pulling forward to the second pump. The pick-up truck behind her waited and waited for her to drive forward, but when the woman got out of her car to pump the gas, it was clear that she wasn't moving. So, the truck drove around the woman's car and backed up into the empty spot. A man stepped out of the truck, clearly annoyed, and said one word, "Women."

I wanted to say something to this man. I wanted to say, "I am a woman, and I wouldn't have done that. Please don't lump us all into a stereotype." But I didn't. I wasn't bold enough to approach a big, burly stranger and tell him that he had the wrong impression of women. 

And maybe he didn't even realize that he was in the wrong. We have heard so often that "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" that this "war of the sexes" has creeped into our subconscious. How often do you hear someone say "typical male" or "just like women" in a derogatory way? How often do movies and TV shows use overgeneralization of genders as the basis of jokes and caricatures? I find it even in children's literature. Mrs. Beaver in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe says, "Don't stand talking there till the tea's got cold. Just like men." In the Harry Potter movies, I notice how often Hermione Granger sighs and shakes her head at Harry and Ron. You know what she's thinking– "Boys can't do anything right." 

Gender differences are real (so let's not go to the other extreme and say that men and women are exactly the same), and yes, they can cause some conflict. When given a specific situation, a man and a woman may perceive and respond in very different ways.  But do we resign ourselves to our differences and do as Hermione does? Just sigh, roll our eyes, put up with the other gender when they're around, but get away for our "guy time" or "girl time" when we can?

First, we must remember that by God's design, men and women were created to be different, but complementary. This means that our differences have a purpose– to be sufficient where the other is lacking, to shape each other, to care for each other. And, God created men and women in His image, which means both men and women reflect His glory. To demean the other gender in any way is to demean the image of God. Furthermore, when a man and woman join in marriage and "become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24), together they reflect God's glory even more. A man and woman together give us a more complete picture of God!

With this in mind, we should see our differences as a gift! The next time you are with a person of the opposite sex and begin to feel frustrated, take the opportunity to practice giving grace and finding God's gift in your gender differences. You will see the person in a whole new light! And you will find that much of your frustration comes from your desire for the other person to do things YOUR way (because we tend to think that our way is the RIGHT way). Which leads us to my second point… 

We must also remember to see people as individuals. If we brush someone off as a "typical male" or "typical female", we will never learn to love that person for who he/she is. Take me and my husband, for example. Like some women, I sometimes I get worked up over little things. And like some men, my husband sometimes gets impatient with the kids. My husband could think, "Women are so emotional!" and I could say, "Why can't men be more nurturing?", or we could be forgiving and encourage each other to grow in Christ. My husband needs only to say a word or two (or give me a hug) to help me calm down.  I can put a hand on my husband's arm to gently remind him to take a breath. We are both people in need of grace. 

Lastly, if there is a real issue, this teaching from Jesus is always the best way to go: "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone." (Matthew 15:18a) This means no grumbling, talking behind the person's back, or judging the person based on his/her gender. The person is your brother and sister in Christ (and if not, the person is still God's image bearer), so let us treat one another as such.

Baptisms

When I first attended MOPs eleven years ago, I would have never thought that many of those people would become like family to me.

This morning, surrounded by this amazing church family, my three oldest children were baptized.

I felt pride at the sight of my children overcoming their fears in obedience to the Lord. But even more than that, I felt overflowing joy and gratefulness for God's grace, His mercies, and His faithfulness to fulfill His promises. All I wanted to do was to fall at the feet of my Lord and thank Him for His abounding love to me and my family.

How Would You Respond?

Imagine if the people from Jesus's time had the mentality of people today…

…the Samaritan woman who met Jesus at the well would call him a stalker and file for a restraining order.

…the woman who washed Jesus feet with perfume would instead march into the room, call him a sexist, and demand to be included in one of the twelve disciples.

…Zacchaeus would say that being a tax collector was part of his identity.

…the adulteress woman who was almost stoned to death would not change her ways because she would argue that she was a victim of her upbringing and unhappy circumstances.

Now, don't call the Bible police on me. I only want to illustrate how we are strongly influenced by the popular beliefs of our times, whether we realize it or not. From the day we are born, we are bombarded by messages, some so subtle that they penetrate our hearts and guide our decision-making without our knowing it. How many of us believe that we deserve better? How many believe that if we only had our big break, we would be happy? And women, how many of us believe that we really are better men?  If we take the time to analyze the "voices" in our head, we would find that many are not God-centered! And if we are really honest with ourselves, if Jesus cast demons out of a man and into our herd of pigs, would we be filing a lawsuit against Jesus, even though we just witnessed Him saving a man?

There are many stumbling blocks in our Christian walk, and many are difficult to remove. But it is not an impossible task, if we first ask God to remove the blinders from our eyes and shine a light on these stumbling blocks so that we aren't tripping over them in the dark. Take the time today to ask yourself: if I met Jesus, how would I respond?

Losing My Self

Recently, I read a blog post addressed to mothers in their 30's. Of course, being a mother in my 30's, I was curious.

The author wrote about how we 30-some-year-old moms give each other meaningful looks and knowing smiles. We see women in their 20's and remember the "self" we lost, but look forward to the "self" we will get back in our 40's.

I'll just say it outright– I didn't like the article. 

I don't believe that motherhood is like doing time– 18 years and you're done. Then what? Go back to living life like before? I certainly don't want to go back to the life and the "self" I was before children.

That person was patient as long as she had her way. She spent too much time in front of the mirror. She loved attention and was ambitious for her own end. She thought she was great, when really, she was blessed. She took time, health, and a good night's sleep for granted. And she had no real understanding, and therefore almost no empathy, for parents. 

These "mom" years are not a detour on my journey through life. I certainly don't see my 30's as a lost decade. By not constantly looking back, I've allowed motherhood to change me; the stretch marks, dark circles, and white hairs are only the outward signs of that change. "Mom" is a badge of honor I wear with pride, a facet in my jewel, a PhD on my "résumé of life". And if that equates to "losing my self", then I want to lose my self for as long as I have breathe.

Happy New Year! (with a surprise!)

With much enthusiasm, it is my pleasure to announce that I have finally finished a long-term project of mine– my first book! 

"From the Mouths of Babes: Pint-Sized Quotes and Essays on Life, Parenting, and Joy" is now available on sale through amazon.com for $5. I wrote the book in hopes that it will encourage parents as they go through the daily grind of diapers, laundry and disciplining. To give you a taste, here is one of my favorite chapters from the book. And then, if you're interested, just click on the picture of the book on the right!

Friday evening, at the dinner table

“Mom, do you put nose goblins in the food?”

‘Nose goblins’ is our family’s codeword for ‘boogers’. I looked to see if Tadhg was asking his question just to be silly (because that boy can be very silly at times) but his face showed only signs of seriousness. His eyes searched mine earnestly as he waited for an answer.

“I always put nose goblins in the food when I cook,” I said. “It adds spice.”

Tadhg’s eyes grew as big as dinner plates. “Really? You do?”

I cracked a smile. “No, of course not. I was joking.” 

At that instant, I recalled another conversation I had with Tadhg, just a few weeks prior...

Wednesday afternoon, by the piano

“Mom, the toilet won’t flush.”

“Did you use too much paper again?” I groaned.

“No, I didn’t!” he replied with a wide grin. “It’s okay! That was just a joke!”

“Tadhg, that’s not what a joke is. Saying that the toilet won’t flush is telling a lie.”

Back to Friday evening, at the dinner table

My face burned. Tadhg had unknowingly caught me red-handed doing the very thing I had told him not to do. At the time, I didn’t know that Tadhg’s “That was just a joke!” was his way of saying “I was joking” or “Just kidding!” Now the realization hit me. I was basically lying to my son, and even in the best light, I was blurring the line between joking and lying. The confused look on my five-year-old’s face clearly told me that I had made a big parenting mistake.

There was only one way to fix this: admit wrong-doing and apologize.

“I’m sorry, Tadhg. I told you before that saying things that weren’t true is telling a lie. I just lied to you. I shouldn’t have said that.”

Tadhg was quiet for a second. “So you don’t put nose goblins in the food?” he asked.

“No, I don’t,” I assured him.

“Well, maybe you should!” he replied. And with that declaration, he returned to his meal.

The lesson here? Stick to puns and knock-knock jokes. And remember that for boys, nose goblins are no joking matter.