Not-So-Instant Gratification

"Learn how to play piano in one day!"

"Buy now with 0% financing!"

"Stream any movie, anytime, anywhere!"

As our culture moves faster and faster, we begin to believe that anything of worth must also move quickly. My children don't need any help with being impatient. The younger ones want everything "NOW!" The older ones wish school and other new skills could be mastered with minimal effort.

And I see my baby, almost one-year-old now, and I think of how far we've come, and yet, how far we still have to go. He still doesn't sleep through the night. He will be in diapers for at least another year. It will be a while before we reach a place where he is not so needy, and even longer before he is ready to be fully on his own. I'm in for the long haul, and there is no way around it.

It takes time to nurture.

It takes time to build relationship.

It takes time to learn.

It takes time to grow.

I don't want to be pessimistic, but I do hope that our next generation will not be one that gives up easily and abandons anything that doesn't give instant gratification. Parents, make the choice to slow down. To not take the quick and easy route. To emphasize skill-building rather than test-taking. To acknowledge that new technology might be fun, but not entirely necessary. Talk about saving up money to buy something. Make the time to do a long-term project with your children. 

What changes do you need to make in your life to better role-model perseverance, diligence and commitment?

Summer Declutter

I'm sorry I haven't blogged much this summer. Between potty-training one child and sleep-training another, taking kids to swim lessons and drum lessons, outings to the beach, the pool, the fair, and friends' houses, and lesson planning for high school (!), I haven't had time to sit down and write.

But we were home today, and so I told the kids, "It's time to clean your rooms and closets!" They groaned, of course. But there is something satisfying about throwing away useless and broken things and rediscovering hidden treasures, and seeing the finished room look tidy and organized.

Half an hour into the cleaning, my middle daughter comes to me.

"Can I have some new batteries so Emet can play with this?"

She was holding her My Little Pony remote control airplane, once so dear to her that she hid it in her closet so that her younger siblings could not get their hands on it. And now, she was willingly sharing it. Joy filled my heart to see my daughter act so lovingly. Some of it is maturity. And maybe some is wisdom. Maybe my daughter realized that what was so precious at the age of seven isn't precious now at the age of ten.

But then entered my seven-year-old. He was holding long-forgotten toys and arguing with the two-year-old because he didn't want his little brother to even look at them. Screams filled the air as I rushed to mediate. There is no convincing my seven-year-old why he should share with his brother, and maybe someday, he too will see what is most important. 

And really, don't I go through times like that too? I get impatient when the potty-training and sleep-training are not going well, because I want my time and my sleep. I grow anxious as I think about my oldest entering high school and how I'm going to make sure he does everything "right". Just the other day, I became hot and frustrated because my daughter misplaced her new goggles after only three swim lessons. I'm thinking, "What a waste of money! And she hardly used them!" instead of understanding that it is a minor thing in the light of eternity.

Jesus teaches in Matthew 6:19-21,

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

So, I ask myself… where is my heart? Is it time to do some cleaning and decluttering myself?

Joy & Honor

Doing What Comes Unnaturally

Today is our church's annual Fourth of July picnic. Normally, large gatherings like this make me cringe. I feel nervous around people I don't know and overwhelmed when there are so many individuals and so many conversations. And in a crowd, it is easy for me to hide and just avoid talking to people all together.

I've learned that I'm not the only one who feels this way. Some people give excuses and stay home from these kinds of church events. Some come and sit only with their family, unsure of how to reach out to meet new people. And I see few people going over to invite them to sit with them or to play volleyball, maybe because they too are fearful and feel awkward about "breaking the ice". It is natural to want to stay comfortably within your own social circle. 

But we are family– the family of God! In John 17, Jesus prays this for us: I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me. We should be reaching out to include everyone, even if it feels unnatural!

So, push aside your fear! If you too want to do what comes unnaturally (which, by the way, is a play-on words. "Doing What Comes Naturally" is a song from the musical "Annie Get Your Gun"), here are the steps that I go through:

1) Prepare mentally

When I attend large events such as the women's brunch or the church camping trip, I give myself a mission: to seek out those who need a friend. I still connect with old friends, but I don't give myself any excuses to not go up to a new person and simply say "hi!" Sometimes, the person who needs a friend is someone I already know. My goal is to love on anyone who needs it, so no one will feel excluded. (And here's a tip: I do this for Sunday mornings too. My church is big enough that newcomers can slip in and out if no one makes the effort to reach out to them.)

2) Pray

Once, when I was fairly new to my church, I was at a women's retreat. I did not know anyone really well, and as I wandered from room to room, I noticed that most of the women were already settled into conversation with their friends. So I grabbed my crochet project, found a quiet but central place and began to pray that God would send to me that woman that He would like me to meet. After a few minutes, a woman with a knitting project came and asked if she could sit with me. And that's how I met my friend Beth!

3) Think of questions to ask

Conversations don't need to be awkward. Start with introductions, and move on from there with the questions you have prepared. Remember, you already have something in common– Christ! And if your new friends are not Christians,  try some of these questions:

How did you and your husband meet?

Do you have any tips for parents?

Tell me your life story.

What are your hobbies?

How long have you lived in the area?

What's your favorite type of cuisine?

Do you like to read?

Do you like movies?

Have you traveled internationally?

Usually, it doesn't take long to discover that you DO have something in common!

Okay, it's almost 4pm. Time to go to the picnic! I hope I make a new friend today!