My husband never talks negatively about me in public or in front of the children.
In fact, he goes one step further and gushes about me and my amazing qualities.
It's a little embarrassing, especially when I'm sitting right next to him. My cheeks can't help but flush pink when he shines the spotlight on me.
But I'm not complaining! I know that having a husband who doesn't gripe about me to people and instead praises me (as imperfect as I am) is a rare gift. And he has done so for fifteen years! I was starting to take this for granted when my husband shared a recent text conversation with me.
A friend was asking my husband where in the Bible it says not to speak negatively about your wife in public. He wanted some passages to share with his men's Bible study group, to encourage them to change their attitudes and habits. He ended the conversation with this, "I struggle with it at times, when things aren't going well at home. I have noticed in the past how you talk about Rita, but could never put a finger on what was different about hearing you speak versus other husbands. But I get it now."
When I read that, my eyes teared up. What has become commonplace to me is still extraordinary to the world, to Christians and non-Christians alike. Yes, my husband is extraordinary! It's my turn to gush now! In a world that oftentimes sees marriage as a prison and puts the focus on "Me and My Needs", my husband chooses to take his God-given role to heart. He knows that his main responsibility as my husband is to accept me as the flawed person that I am, to embrace my gifts and positive traits, to forgive my failures, and to encourage me to grow to be more Christ-like. And every time he does so (with even a small comment like "You should meet my wife. She's amazing!"), he emits a light that makes heads turn.
Isn't that exactly what Paul writes about in Philippians 2:14-15?
Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world.
And Peter too, in I Peter 2:9?
But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.
Peter goes on in chapter 3 of I Peter to address wives and husbands specifically, that both should make a practice of being outstandingly kind to their spouse. Wives are to have "respectful and pure conduct" (I Peter 3:1) and husbands are to "live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel." (I Peter 3:7). Peter puts even more pressure on husbands to do so "so that their prayers may not be hindered."
People who follow Christ should stand out! Heads should turn! Ears should be shocked! There should be that "I-can't-quite-put-my-finger-on-it" feeling when people spend time with us. So I challenge all of you wives and husbands out there:
The next time you start complaining about your spouse to your friends or family, bite your tongue. And if you can't say something positive, choose not to say anything at all. Then when you have time, pray that God can change your attitude towards some of the things your spouse does that drive you crazy. Forgive where forgiveness is needed. Let go where bitterness is starting to taking root. Make a list of all the amazing things your spouse does, even if he or she does them in a way different from the way you would do them. Look at the details. Look at the big picture. See this person that God has gifted to you.
Then start gushing about your spouse! (Here's a hint: It's even better when he or she is sitting right next to you!)
But I'm not complaining! I know that having a husband who doesn't gripe about me to people and instead praises me (as imperfect as I am) is a rare gift. And he has done so for fifteen years! I was starting to take this for granted when my husband shared a recent text conversation with me.
A friend was asking my husband where in the Bible it says not to speak negatively about your wife in public. He wanted some passages to share with his men's Bible study group, to encourage them to change their attitudes and habits. He ended the conversation with this, "I struggle with it at times, when things aren't going well at home. I have noticed in the past how you talk about Rita, but could never put a finger on what was different about hearing you speak versus other husbands. But I get it now."
When I read that, my eyes teared up. What has become commonplace to me is still extraordinary to the world, to Christians and non-Christians alike. Yes, my husband is extraordinary! It's my turn to gush now! In a world that oftentimes sees marriage as a prison and puts the focus on "Me and My Needs", my husband chooses to take his God-given role to heart. He knows that his main responsibility as my husband is to accept me as the flawed person that I am, to embrace my gifts and positive traits, to forgive my failures, and to encourage me to grow to be more Christ-like. And every time he does so (with even a small comment like "You should meet my wife. She's amazing!"), he emits a light that makes heads turn.
Isn't that exactly what Paul writes about in Philippians 2:14-15?
Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world.
And Peter too, in I Peter 2:9?
But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.
Peter goes on in chapter 3 of I Peter to address wives and husbands specifically, that both should make a practice of being outstandingly kind to their spouse. Wives are to have "respectful and pure conduct" (I Peter 3:1) and husbands are to "live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel." (I Peter 3:7). Peter puts even more pressure on husbands to do so "so that their prayers may not be hindered."
People who follow Christ should stand out! Heads should turn! Ears should be shocked! There should be that "I-can't-quite-put-my-finger-on-it" feeling when people spend time with us. So I challenge all of you wives and husbands out there:
The next time you start complaining about your spouse to your friends or family, bite your tongue. And if you can't say something positive, choose not to say anything at all. Then when you have time, pray that God can change your attitude towards some of the things your spouse does that drive you crazy. Forgive where forgiveness is needed. Let go where bitterness is starting to taking root. Make a list of all the amazing things your spouse does, even if he or she does them in a way different from the way you would do them. Look at the details. Look at the big picture. See this person that God has gifted to you.
Then start gushing about your spouse! (Here's a hint: It's even better when he or she is sitting right next to you!)
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