What My Newborn Taught Me

Knowing that God designed everything with intention, I have been thinking often about 'family'. God could have designed people to be born from eggs, but He chose the most intimate way possible, in the womb. He could have created people to be born alone and capable of survival, but He chose to provide parents to care for the baby, born helpless and vulnerable. He could have commanded people to live and serve each other in a life of single hood, but He blessed marriage and family life. The more I think about the purpose of family, the more my eyes are opened to all that God wants us to learn from our familial relationships. I've already mentioned in a previous post how much I have learned from nine years of marriage. Then I watch my children interact with each other, and I see how they learn about selflessness, grace, and friendship while growing up with siblings. And the relationship that, for me, is the most profound of all is the one between parent and child. It is from being a parent that I have gained the most insight into my own relationship with God. It is an ocean that will take a lifetime to explore, and many years to write about.

But, since I am not yet ready to write a book on the subject, I will simply share with you a moment I had with my newborn. Still marveling at her miniature stature, I will oftentimes sit and stare at her while she sleeps. And there she lies, a cute bundle who does little more than eat, sleep, and look around with a perplexed expression on her face when she is awake. And yet, I am overwhelmed by the love I feel for this little person; it's a love that would compel me to sacrifice my life for her, though she has done, and can do, nothing for me in return. I would stop at nothing to save her from harm.

And right there, is a portrait of Jesus on the cross. I don't know why He loves me, when He gains nothing from loving me, except to be with me. 

Mothers and Daughters

I remember

How you brushed and braided my long, long hair

And someday

I will do the same for you

How you gently bathed me

Quietly carried me

Patiently fed me

Selflessly cared for me 

In the middle of the night when I was ill

How you held my hand as I took unsteady steps

How you held me close until peace fell over me

And someday

I will do the same for you

My 7 Pound, 10 Ounce Miracle

Her slim but tiny fingers, complete with tiny fingernails.

Her smile, punctuated by dimples in each cheek, in the midst of curious baby dreams.

Her smooth, soft skin, and that smell that one can't quite pinpoint as anything but 'new baby' smell.

I am holding my little miracle (which means, yes, I'm typing this one-handed), born on October 5th at 8:36pm. This may be my fifth child, but I am still filled with awe when I see this new person who has entered my life. She was inside me, though I did not put her there. She was knitted together, though not by my hands. And she surpasses my workmanship by far. How can this be, I wonder? But then, I already know the answer.

I was surprised when my water broke, since I had three weeks left to go. But it was God's perfect timing. My labor was short, but painful because the baby was posterior (back labor or 'sunny-side-up', as some call it). But I thank God that she came out without forceps or surgery, and without harm to herself. We also discovered that her umbilical cord was tied in a perfect knot, like a strangely-colored pretzel. I know now what could have happened to this child before she was even born, and by God's hand, she was protected and delivered into the arms of her parents, healthy and whole.

My little miracle, my little sparrow... oh, God is so amazing!

Men, Women, and So Much More

This past weekend, my husband attended a men's conference at our church. The keynote speaker was Dr.David Eckman, Ph.D, Old Testament scholar, theologian, professor, author- just to name a few of the many hats he wears. I myself have never heard Dr. Eckman speak, but my husband is always astounded and inspired by his knowledge, wisdom, and insight, and my husband came home with much to share with me. Did you know that...

when God made man, the word used in Scripture is 'shaped', as in a pot (Genesis 2:7), but when God made woman, the word used is 'fashioned ', as in a work of art (Genesis 2:22)?

the word for 'helper' does not mean an assistant or sidekick, but a divine helper, much like God is a helper to man (Genesis 2:18)?

when God made man and woman in His image, He purposefully gave some of His character traits to man and others to woman, so they can complement each other (Genesis 2:24)?

Whether you are a man or a woman, you can see that God's design was for men and women to have specific roles, to respect each other, and to work together for His kingdom. Women are not mere afterthoughts, nor are they ornaments or stepping stones for men. They bring beauty, emotion, and a unique facet into a man's life. And men, who, in our culture, have to fight against ramped-up sexuality and dumbed-down views of themselves, need to know that they were created to be purpose-driven, and that their place in the world is to build, lead, and care for people. If he is married, his wife is his greatest ally.

Now, my husband also shared this statistic with me (not that I usually believe in statistics, because most things in life cannot be summed up in a mere number, but this one is worth mentioning): 

When married and single men and women are asked "How happy are you?", married men rate at the top and married women rate at the #3 slot, with single women in the #2 slot and single men at the bottom. 

Regardless of the millions of factors that result in this statistic, I am shocked that married women are not right up there with the married men. How many women feel that their marriage is lacking? That their emotional needs are not met by their husband? Do they feel like nothing more than housecleaners, dishwashers, chauffeurs, cooks, and nannies? Do they really think to themselves, 'My life would be better if I hadn't married this man?' 

Well then, it is time to change all that!

Ladies, I don't know what your marriage is like, and I will not give you '5 Steps to a Perfect Marriage', but I can share with you what I've discovered during my nine years of seeking after a Godly marriage. These are lessons I've learned, and am still learning, and they do make a difference in my marriage- not by changing my husband, but by changing me.

The first is: see your husband as God sees him. Yes, your husband is different from you, but how can those differences be used to build up your marriage, your family, and the Kingdom? Encourage him to cultivate his God-given talents, through praise, not nagging, and allow him to be a leader. Don't expect your husband to be a copy of you, then get disappointed when he fails! When I am aware of my husband's strengths, I know how I can rely on him, and when I need to communicate better how he can help me. (For more, read my post My BFF.)

The second is: seek God's purpose for yourself, and find value in the things you do. If you know that your place is by your husband's side, or in the driver's seat of the minivan with a carpool of kids, you will find new joy in even the littlest things. (For more, read my post Sacred Days.)

Marriage is the most difficult human relationship to nurture, but it can also be the deepest and most fulfilling. Yes, it is not effortless. I have to fight my natural urge to make demands, or whine and complain. I've discovered that I'm often passive-aggressive. I still have days when I wish my husband could read my mind, but that thought crosses my mind less and less. As I watch my husband grow as a father and as a Godly man, my respect and admiration also grows. And I know I'm growing too. I can see how we fit like locking puzzle pieces, and together, we make the picture whole.

The Ones Left Behind

(This post is a companion to 'Prayer is My Weapon, Heaven My Hope')




I see the wonder in my baby's eyes
The joy behind his frequent smiles
Hope already by his side in this blessed wealth


I feel the kicking of my baby's feet
The burst of life inside of me
The comfort that we both can be expecting perfect health


But I think about the others,
Yes my heart breaks for the others,
And I can't forget the others who will live with never knowing peace


The ones left behind
The ones broken by war
The ones forgotten
The ones torn apart by pain


I know my children can sleep through the night
With no fear for their young lives
No bullet rain, no bomb-filled sky descending on our home


I thank the Lord that we have food to eat
We can't complain that we're hungry
A feast as far as I can see, abundance overgrown


But I think about the others,
Yes my heart breaks for the others,
And I can't forget the others who will live with never knowing peace


The ones left behind
The ones paralyzed by fear
The ones rejected
The ones driven out by hate


Why are children bearing arms?
Why are children going hungry?
Why are children being sold?
Why are children wearing bruises?


The ones left behind
The ones forgotten
The ones rejected
The ones left behind

Prayer is My Weapon, Heaven My Hope

My heart is heavy right now.

I just read about a young Iranian pastor, Youcef Nadarkhani, who is awaiting execution for not renouncing his Christian faith. His wife was arrested, but released, and his two sons, ages 9 and 7, are unharmed.

I can never grasp, never understand, never even fathom how one person can do this to another. I am blessed to live in a safe environment, but all around me, people torture and kill other people. Children are raped, women are abused, cities are bombed and tribes slaughtered.

My heart is heavy.

God never intended life to be like this. He never intended for His children to fall asleep at night, not knowing if they will wake up in the morning. He never intended lives full of fear, suffering, or rejection. Yes, I know that the young pastor and his family are trusting their Lord and His intentions, that God can fill them with His abundant peace in the midst of the storm, but I still feel a shallowness of breath inside me, because

my heart is heavy.

And I feel helpless. Helpless to heal the world full of brokenness. Helpless to stop the rampant injustice. Helpless to send rain on dying fields.

But I am reminded of the current circumstances in the world, outside of my bubble, and I feel the connection to those in the Body, no matter how far or near. And I am drawn to God, to beseech Him on behalf of my Iranian brother, and to Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. (I Thessalonians 5:16-18)

My heart is heavy, but prayer is my weapon, and heaven my hope.