Words Are Gold

A month after writing on Privilege, an opportunity arose for me to talk about it with my son. (That's how God works!)

I was working in the kitchen, listening to my two oldest play and chitchat, and I started noticing a certain tone in my son's voice. It wasn't that he was insulting his sister, or using potty-talk, or making mean jokes; it was the overall tone of superiority that I caught in his choice of words. He would make a joke that was intentionally confusing, or make a move in the game then say, "Oh, I take it back." When I heard that he had made a promise to his sister the day before, but was now denying it, I pulled him aside.

We sat alone on the couch and I took a moment to form my words. I wanted to make the lesson tangible, I wanted my son to grasp that his words are valuable. So I equated words with money.

"What if I gave you only one dollar to spend on food today? What would you buy?"

My son said he would get something good, like a burger.

"Would you buy candy with it?"

He said no. And I agreed that that would be a waste of his money.

"What if, by some sort of magic, you had only one hundreds words a day, and once you've spoken one hundred words, you can't speak again until the next day?"

This was new, different.

"Would you waste your words on mean talk or bad jokes?"

No, he said.

And from there, we discussed how our words are a gift from God, and that we should use our mouths to do good, being encouraging and loving with our words.

Since then, there's been a change in my son, thank God. I think I was able to nip the problem early.

Then there's me. If my words turned visible as they came out of my mouth, would they be gold, or jewels? No, sometimes, they come out as nails and bullets.

This was a lesson for me too.

Him Who Gives Me Strength

Sometimes I hear parents say, "I could never homeschool, I don't have the patience for it."

As far as I'm concerned, if you're a Christian, that's no excuse.

Just like there's no excuse for "I could never speak in public, I'm too shy."

Or "I could never teach Sunday School, I'm just not gifted that way."

Or, in my case, "I could never be a mentor, I'm not wise enough."

Is our God so puny that He could not grow us?

Is He so weak that He could not change us?

Is He incompetent, that He could not work through us, in spite of us?

What ever happened to the God who helped a little boy defeat a giant?

The God who helped a girl become a queen and save her people?

What ever happened to "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13)?

If God called you to do something, He WILL give you the strength to accomplish it.

Old Into New

I like to take old frames and make something new out of them. Since my friend's birthday was coming up, I grabbed a frame from under my bed and challenged myself to come up with a present. I knew what colors she liked, and a verse, Revelation 21:5, was stuck in my head. The finished product was actually very fitting (taking something old and making it into something new.) I simply cut flowers out of origami paper, then rubber-cemented them to the matte. (I'm sorry the photo isn't better, my camera's not that great.)

My Bit of Eden

The kids and I are attempting a garden. With help from my sweet sister-in-law, we will soon have baby zucchini, carrots, snow peas, and corn plants sprouting from various plots of dirt (one is our old sand box!).

But I am in no way a gardener. Notice that I used the word 'attempt'. If my husband and I lived on the frontier, we wouldn't make it. My method of gardening in the past was to throw seeds on the soil and pray that they'll grow (which, of course, they didn't.) This hasn't stopped me from trying again though (with a little more effort this time). There is something that I love about putting seeds in the soil and watching for something to happen. It's the same feeling I get when I hold a newborn baby, the feeling of holding a miracle, of seeing something come from nothing. Getting my hands in the dirt makes me feel closer to nature, closer to God, closer to Eden...

I'll let you know how things go! Hopefully, I will have pictures to post.

No Cell Phone

I don't have a cell phone. I feel (though I know this is not true) like I'm the last person in the United States to not have one.

One of my best friends said the other day, "I miss you, Rita! Sometimes, I just want to text you, but I can't!" I wonder if I'm missing out.

Am I?

When my husband got a cell phone for work, we discovered some benefits to having one of these pocket-sized contraptions. But I admit, I still love writing a five-page long letter in my lazy cursive, sealing it in an envelope, and putting a stamp on it knowing that the person on the other end will receive a surprise in the mail. My favorite form on conversation is face-to-face, preferably over a cup of tea after the kids have been put to bed so I can concentrate on the person in front of me.

Call me old-fashioned.

But I still wonder, am I missing out?

You tell me, am I?

God Reaches to Me

Consequences

After writing on Privilege  and Discipline, I thought I would make this a three-part series. I think it is important to emphasize that discipline is teaching, not punishing. But to say 'discipline in love' is easy; remembering this when you are at your wit's end with a difficult child is hard. And sometimes, we as parents fall back on the only parenting techniques we know, what was modeled to us by our own parents. 


If your parents were not good disciplinarians, or you have no idea why they did what they did, then it is time to rethink discipline. When it comes to discipline in our family, the key word is 'consequence'. My husband and I tell our children that there is always a natural consequence for their actions; whether the consequence is good or bad depends on the action. The concept of action-reaction may be abstract at a young age, but children understand receiving a treat for good behavior. In the same way, they need to learn that some actions have a negative result: running into the street may mean getting hit by a car, throwing a ball in the house may mean breaking something, eating too much candy may mean a stomachache or a cavity.


But many actions have results that are not immediate, and many actions also have intangible results; for example, lying means losing someone's trust. Discipline is making the intangible consequences more tangible. It is teaching a child that there is a consequence for their action, which at their age may mean a swat or a loss if a privilege. As the child grows older and is able to comprehend more, the consequences will change. When one of our children does something bad or dangerous, my husband or I talk to the child about the natural consequences of his or her action and then choose a resulting consequence (a.k.a. punishment) that suits the action performed. If something was broken, the child pays for it. If the child was physically hurtful, the child needs a time out or loss of a toy, and must apologize. But we talk about the underlying reason for why we are disciplining the child, stressing on our job as parents to be stewards of what God has given us, that is, our children.

Discipline

I've learned that discipline takes three things: energy, courage, and love.


A parent needs energy because a child quickly learns how far his/her parent's limit goes. A tired parent who lies on the couch and shouts, "You better stop that!" will have no control. I see this in my two-year-old. He will keep doing whatever he is doing until he sees me take a step towards him. Mom means business if she gets off the couch... which means, I need to get off the couch more often!


Courage is needed because as a parent, you need to know that you are in charge! Yes, your child may cry if you discipline him/her, but God put you above your children to teach and guide them. Discipline is a part of teaching and guiding. Know that you are wiser than your children, and trust that you are doing the right thing, even if your child is screaming. Keep in mind that you want the best for your child, then take a deep breath and make the hard calls. Remember, you are your child's parent, not your child's best friend.


But most important of all is love. Without love to balance the disciplining, you are no more than a dictator in your child's life. Make it clear that love is the reason for the discipline, or your child may obey, but with anger, resentment, and eventually, hatred. After disciplining, my husband and I (whoever did the disciplining) always talk about the incident, explaining the reasons for the discipline, and end the talk with "I love you." Remember I Corinthians 13:1, If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

Death of a Friend

Sometimes when I think of Christ dying on the cross, I feel removed from it. God came to earth some two thousand years ago because He loved us, suffered horrifically for my sake... my brain goes through the motions. I sing the songs, I nod my head... I know the message, I've heard it since I was a baby. But truly understanding what an amazing gift the cross was, that takes effort.

Even watching movies don't help. I cry just thinking about the whipping, the pain, the shame that the man Jesus went through. No person should have to go through that. But then again, I cry when a cat gets hit by a car, though I know that it's not the same thing.

Then I think about losing a loved one... what would it be like to lose a spouse, a parent, a child, a best friend? I don't really know, I haven't yet experienced that in my young life. But I can imagine the loss. And I can imagine, what if a loved one died in my place? What if there was some extraordinary circumstance in which I was suppose to die, but my father, or my husband, or my son, volunteered to die in my stead? What if my sister, or my mother was punished because I lied, or got angry, or cheated?

Now my heartbeat quickens. My breath grows more shallow. But the tears don't come... not yet. I'm still in disbelief, in awe of the thought that someone I love would give himself or herself up so that I could live. I picture my best friend on a cross, naked, suffering, dying for no reason other than to love me... then the tears come.

And then my heart truly comprehends what happened two thousand years ago, when the Son of God chose to die on a cross for me. Good Friday is not about a moment in history; it is about the death of a friend.