Broken People = Messy Love

Today, I'm overwhelmed by the pain I see around me, that even well-intentioned people can inflict on each other. That was a lesson I learned years ago, the hard way: good intentions are not enough. And it's because we are broken people, trying to love other broken people. And yet, we love, and we are loved. 

But love is patient, kind, and messy.

It doesn't boast, nor is it proud. Sometimes, love is making a sacrifice that leaves you feeling like you're being used.

Love doesn't keep a record of wrongs, which may mean that we forgive a person a hundred times for the same action.

It seeks truth. Love doesn't always give you wings; sometimes, it weighs you down.

Love protects; love is wanting the best for someone, but not always knowing what the best is. 

And it perseveres, even when love is not a two-way street. 

And though we try our hardest to love as God loves us, we grow weary, because we are not Him. But we try, even as broken people, because He commands us to. And it's because we are broken ourselves that we know what it is like to be needing love. 

And so we love.

Home-made Graham Crackers

I had a friend ask me the other day, "Could I have your graham cracker recipe? I was feeding my one-year-old store-bought graham crackers when I realized that I should make my own!"

Like many foods nowadays, we are used to buying graham crackers from the store, seeing them come in a box, and tasting a certain way. We just assume that we can't make them ourselves, like a child might assume that orange juice is "grown" in a carton at the store.

Then I discovered this recipe in a magazine (so I take no credit for it.) Some recipes call for graham flour, but this one uses a mixture of wheat and regular all-purpose flour. It's easy, but it does need to be refrigerated, so keep that in mind (although, sometimes that's a plus because you can make the dough the night before and it takes only minutes the next day to have fresh cookies.)

Summer is almost here! Combine this recipe with the recipe for home-made marshmallows (I use this one: Home-made Marshmallows), and your s'mores will be a big hit this year!

HOME-MADE GRAHAM CRACKERS

1/2 cup butter, softened

1 cup dark brown sugar

1/4 cup honey

1/4 cup milk

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

2 1/2 cups flour

1/2 cup wheat flour

1 teaspoon baking powder

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

Beat butter and sugar together in a large mixing bowl. Beat in honey, milk and vanilla extract until smooth.

Stir together dry ingredients and stir into batter.

Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for several hours or overnight.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees Farenheit and line baking sheets with parchment paper. Roll the dough 1/8-inch thick (or thicker if you like softer, more cookie-like crackers). Cut with cookie cutters or into squares. Sprinkle with sugar or cinnamon-sugar, if you like.

My Watch, the Idol

I lost my watch last Wednesday. It was on when I went to bed, and gone when I woke up.

I wasn't panicking too much, but I was worried that I would start being late for everything. And we had a field trip to go to on Friday-- how will I manage to walk around without a watch?! How will I know when to eat lunch and leave for naps and all that?!

Well, I haven't been late (not any later than I usually am). And we did okay on the field trip. I trusted my internal clock and read cues from the children. We ate when we needed to, and left when we needed to. Maybe there's something to this...

I felt freer without a watch. I found myself enjoying my time more. Instead of constantly checking my watch, I was looking at my surroundings and listening to my children. Yes-- I was listening to my children! Not with a 'uh-huh', but really listening, and noticing, and interacting.

Maybe I've been relying too much on my watch. Maybe I've made an idol of my schedule, allowing it to take priority over people. Maybe getting short-tempered because we weren't going fast enough, or frustrated when my plans went awry, were signs that I had forgotten that love is patient, love is kind. Love, which is not scheduled or bound by time, should be my time-keeper.

I still haven't found my watch. I'll probably need to buy a new one. But for now, I'm going to go as long as I can without one.

More on Modesty

As mentioned before, my husband was reading A Return to Modesty, by Wendy Shalit. I am only one-third of the way through (given that the only time I have to sit down and read is when I nurse the baby at night), but I want to share a few thoughts with you now, so that I don't overwhelm you with information later.

Modesty in ages past wasn't just about covering your body ("Oh, your ankle is showing, how scandalous!") It was about respect for women as the weaker sex, and protecting their bodies as well as their hearts. And the author, when she writes about modesty, is also talking about reserving oneself for marriage. The two go hand in hand.

But how can we convey that, if girls are being taught through movies, TV, books, music, and schools that sleeping around is normal? That romance and commitment are passé? That girls can show nearly their whole body (and some DO reveal all in magazines), but still demand that men don't ogle and whistle and treat them as objects?  In removing modesty, we have removed the protection that women of all ages need. The underlying assumption now is that casual sex is good for everyone, and that sexual experience is a sign of wisdom, maturity, and sophistication.

What we need is a full-throttle reversal in social values, but in the meantime, on my recommendation, find out about the sex ed program in your child's school, and remove your child from it if you can. More and more schools are starting sex ed at a younger age. Some show 'how-to' videos (basically, pornography in a classroom), and not only give out condoms, but have girls practice putting them on a boy's finger. (If there isn't anything more embarrassing or disgusting for a young girl, I don't know what that is.) And school administrators wonder why rape, pregnancy, anorexia/bulimia, and sexual harassment in junior and senior high schools are on the rise.

Also, teach your children, sons as well as daughters, that men are protectors of women, and that women was designed by God to be different from men and weaker in some ways. Modesty in dress is a reminder of that. By dressing conservatively, a girl shows respect for herself, higher expectations from members of the opposite sex, and strength to be a leader, rather than a follower (not wearing certain clothes just because it was in style).

There is more to say, but I will save it for another post. If you are thinking of reading the book, I have found nothing objectionable so far. The author is Jewish (that is where she first learned about the lost virtue of modesty) and quotes scripture (new Testament as well as Old) in some chapters.

Long Time, No Sleep

Last night, I woke to one daughter wanting to nurse, another crying from a nightmare, and a son who had somehow wet his bed through his pull-up.

All at the same time.

Which was around 2AM, once I checked my watch.

I haven't had a night of uninterrupted sleep in nearly nine years.

But as much as I want less laundry and more sleep, I know it would come at a cost.

Which is worth more, comforting a child in my arms, or a lifetime of uninterrupted sleep?

After tummies were fed, fears were calmed, and beds were cleaned, all was quiet again.

I settled back into my warm, awaiting bed, hoping to catch a few winks before the next wake-up call.

(then the terrier next door started yipping, but that's another story...)

Truth from an Unexpected Source

Sometimes Truth comes from unexpected places. No matter how our society tries to censor God and keep Him out of main-stream media, He still finds a way to reveal Himself. Without knowing where writer Joss Whedon stands on faith issues, I  give him credit for this post, which turns out to be a bit of a movie review, unintentionally.

I saw "The Avengers" on Saturday with my husband (first movie in a theater since having the baby! Woohoo!), and I have to say that the movie is a par above most action movies. (I also appreciate that it was not two-hours of sex, gore, and swearing.) There were many funny moments, a few poignant ones, but three moments specifically that made me think.

*WARNING* SPOILER ALERT- Do not read anymore if you don't want me to ruin the movie for you!

The first two of these moments were clever one-liners. When Captain America first meets Thor (the Norse god of thunder), he says (and this is not a direct quote, given that my memory is not what it used to be), "There is only one God, and I'm sure He doesn't dress like that." How many movies out in the past five years have a line that begins with "There is only one God..."?!

And when the Hulk grabs Loki (the Norse god of chaos),  gives him a good thrashing, then grumbles to himself in his Hulk-ish growl, "Puny god," I have to agree with him... any god who can be beaten is not omnipotent. At the end of the movie, Loki is taken away for judgement by some universal governing body. Unlike God, who is Justice, Love, Goodness, and Life itself, the gods of mythology are only representations of our human selves.

The third moment involves a monologue given by Loki, proclaiming that humans are meant to submit to a higher being, that essentially, we are creatures that need to be ruled in order to have peace. The speech is given in a negative light, but when I heard it, I agreed with it whole-heartedly. I only disagree with Loki in that I wouldn't want him, the 'puny god', to be my ruler.  I want to be ruled by God, who is self-sacrificing, not self-centered.

All in all, "The Avengers" was entertaining, and surprisingly enlightening (now I do sound like a movie review!) If you allow your children to see it, it could generate some good family discussion.

On Modesty and My Wardrobe

My husband has been reading A Return to Modesty, by Wendy Shalit. I haven't read it yet myself (so don't take this as an outright recommendation, and I apologize in advance if there are things in it that are unBiblical) but hearing my husband talk about the book has prodded me to think about modesty.

I don't remember anyone talking to me about modesty when I was growing up. The public schools I attended had standard dress codes, nothing that made anyone stop and think 'Why do we do this?' My parents sometimes objected to a skirt that was too short or a shirt that was too sheer, but they never told me why. Then I went to UC Berkeley, where pretty much anything goes. I thought I was conservative in dress until I started teaching at a Christian private school, where administrators measured the distance between the hem  and the girl's knees and tank tops of any sort were forbidden. 

Though I've never been one to show a lot of skin, I went through a phase several years back when I bought several strappy tank tops. In my mind, they were great for layering, but I ended up wearing them by themselves too. But now that my son is nearly nine, and my husband is mentoring young men (who sometimes come by the house) I have been aware that I need not be so relaxed about my choice of clothes.

Where is the line, in the age when so much is permissible? Over the years, my husband and I have thought about the clothes our daughters wear. We buy classic-style clothes, and make executive decisions on clothes that are given to our children, but we've never sat down and really discussed what we will and will not allow as our girls get older. Maybe now is the time. Let's start with what we have.

First of all, I avoid logos if I can. And I don't allow messages like 'I'm spoiled' or 'My brother did it'. My husband's pet peeve are pants with writing on the backside. And anything that is trying to make my daughter look older than she is (in a bad way) is out of the question.

Shorts and skirts are not a problem for me; I usually wear capris and longer dress lengths. But for the girls, I'm always checking their shorts and dresses because they grow so fast! I like dresses that fall at the knee or below, and shorts cannot be super-short, but I don't hold a ruler up to my daughters' legs. Oftentimes, I have the girls pair a dress with a pair of shorts. Then they can run and play without flaunting their underwear.

For swimsuits, when the girls were younger, I always bought cute swimsuits with skirts. Now that they are older (and more opinionated), I buy regular one-piece suits for them (I still don't believe in bikinis or two-piece swimsuits for girls). Maybe I need to be more diligent in finding skirted swimsuits, or invest in suits that look like shirts and shorts. That goes for me too! I need a new swimsuit... can I find one that is modest but not too expensive? I have checked out Modestly Yours and HyrdoChic, and thought of wearing surf shorts over a swimsuit.

Waistline is another area about which I need to be more diligent. Waistlines dropped to a scandalously-low level a few years ago, so I have to be careful when I shop, especially since I like pants that sit on my hips, not my waist. As long as I wear longer shirts, I'm okay.

Now how about necklines? The other night, I cut and re-sewed the straps of a tank top from Old Navy because I was constantly pulling the neck up. I was proud of my little sewing project. But when I went shopping at a consignment shop two days ago, I found that I had to think more consciously about my choices because almost everything I saw had low neck lines. How low is too low? How about low backs? Halter tops? Are spaghetti straps okay? I decided against any of the tops I saw that day, but this area is still a bit gray...  if my daughters asked me today about my tops, I wouldn't have an answer for them. It's time for me to be mindful of modesty, and my duty to my Christian brothers and non-Christian male neighbors. It's time to reassess my wardrobe.

Anyone with wisdom to share?