On Modesty and My Wardrobe

My husband has been reading A Return to Modesty, by Wendy Shalit. I haven't read it yet myself (so don't take this as an outright recommendation, and I apologize in advance if there are things in it that are unBiblical) but hearing my husband talk about the book has prodded me to think about modesty.

I don't remember anyone talking to me about modesty when I was growing up. The public schools I attended had standard dress codes, nothing that made anyone stop and think 'Why do we do this?' My parents sometimes objected to a skirt that was too short or a shirt that was too sheer, but they never told me why. Then I went to UC Berkeley, where pretty much anything goes. I thought I was conservative in dress until I started teaching at a Christian private school, where administrators measured the distance between the hem  and the girl's knees and tank tops of any sort were forbidden. 

Though I've never been one to show a lot of skin, I went through a phase several years back when I bought several strappy tank tops. In my mind, they were great for layering, but I ended up wearing them by themselves too. But now that my son is nearly nine, and my husband is mentoring young men (who sometimes come by the house) I have been aware that I need not be so relaxed about my choice of clothes.

Where is the line, in the age when so much is permissible? Over the years, my husband and I have thought about the clothes our daughters wear. We buy classic-style clothes, and make executive decisions on clothes that are given to our children, but we've never sat down and really discussed what we will and will not allow as our girls get older. Maybe now is the time. Let's start with what we have.

First of all, I avoid logos if I can. And I don't allow messages like 'I'm spoiled' or 'My brother did it'. My husband's pet peeve are pants with writing on the backside. And anything that is trying to make my daughter look older than she is (in a bad way) is out of the question.

Shorts and skirts are not a problem for me; I usually wear capris and longer dress lengths. But for the girls, I'm always checking their shorts and dresses because they grow so fast! I like dresses that fall at the knee or below, and shorts cannot be super-short, but I don't hold a ruler up to my daughters' legs. Oftentimes, I have the girls pair a dress with a pair of shorts. Then they can run and play without flaunting their underwear.

For swimsuits, when the girls were younger, I always bought cute swimsuits with skirts. Now that they are older (and more opinionated), I buy regular one-piece suits for them (I still don't believe in bikinis or two-piece swimsuits for girls). Maybe I need to be more diligent in finding skirted swimsuits, or invest in suits that look like shirts and shorts. That goes for me too! I need a new swimsuit... can I find one that is modest but not too expensive? I have checked out Modestly Yours and HyrdoChic, and thought of wearing surf shorts over a swimsuit.

Waistline is another area about which I need to be more diligent. Waistlines dropped to a scandalously-low level a few years ago, so I have to be careful when I shop, especially since I like pants that sit on my hips, not my waist. As long as I wear longer shirts, I'm okay.

Now how about necklines? The other night, I cut and re-sewed the straps of a tank top from Old Navy because I was constantly pulling the neck up. I was proud of my little sewing project. But when I went shopping at a consignment shop two days ago, I found that I had to think more consciously about my choices because almost everything I saw had low neck lines. How low is too low? How about low backs? Halter tops? Are spaghetti straps okay? I decided against any of the tops I saw that day, but this area is still a bit gray...  if my daughters asked me today about my tops, I wouldn't have an answer for them. It's time for me to be mindful of modesty, and my duty to my Christian brothers and non-Christian male neighbors. It's time to reassess my wardrobe.

Anyone with wisdom to share?