Usually I write something about love and marriage on Valentine's Day, but I've been a little busy. Yesterday was my husband's birthday and the women's ministry Valentine's Tea, so I had a day of serving and being served. And now that the tea is over, I am excited to share with you what we talked about!!
And I say 'we' because (did I forget to mention this?) my mother-in-law and I did the talk together. This was particularly challenging for me, not to be able to do everything my way, at my speed, in my style, but I think it was a wonderful project for us to do together. If nothing else, this tea has strengthened my relationship with my mother-in-law.
And now… for the talk! I've adapted it so it doesn't read like a script between two people. The topic given to us was LOVE.
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My husband's parents had been praying for his wife since his day of birth, 38 years ago yesterday. They loved me from the start, but my mother-in-law and I recognized immediately that we were very different women. She's American, I'm Chinese. She likes pastels, collects teapots and teacups, loves crystal and lace. I go for stronger colors like purple and red, and I prefer pottery, wooden crafts, and rustic antiques. She cooks the classics, I'm always trying new recipes from all sources. She likes tea parties, I don't.
These may be little differences, but when I moved in with my in-laws in 2009 (after my husband lost his job), the little differences became BIG differences. At first, our communication styles, assumptions, and expectations were more different than we anticipated and we had some rough patches, but we learned. We learned that our mutual love and worship for God gave us a foundation on which to build. We learned to communicate and respect each other. We learned to talk and forgive. And for me, the greatest lesson was learning to truly see my mother-in-law, and realizing that we are two different people. Instead of comparing myself to her, and her to me, I stopped comparing. I looked for our individual strengths, and found ways we can complement, rather than compete with, each other. We each showed love in our own way, and there is nothing wrong with that! That is God's design from the start!
And now, we speak to you, whatever your age and background, to encourage you and remind you that you are wonderfully made by your Creator to be a vessel of his Love, though you are ALL different. Just looking around the room, you can see the various different styles of teasets, and the amazing different centerpieces on each table (each designed by the hostess of that table). Now look at the diversity of women in the room. If each and every woman had a table, or at least a teaset that reflects her personality, not a single one would be the same. Fancy or plain, classic or modern, dainty or sturdy… you would all be beautiful and lovely in your own way, because you all have beautiful, God-given talents. And with these talents, you show love in your own way. As Paul writes in I Corinthians 13, love has many characteristics. We strive to reflect all the characteristics of love, but in our different ways; for example:
Love is patient- getting the fifth glass of water for your child, or doing an errand for someone after you finished your errands
Love is kind- bringing a meal to a family, visiting the sick or elderly, babysitting for someone, sending an encouraging card
Love does not envy- being content with what God has given you, not comparing yourself to others
Love does not boast- being humble, saying "I'm sorry" or "I need help?"
Love is not rude- biting your tongue and responding gently rather than sarcastically
Love is not self-seeking- caring for your aging parents, going out of your way to serve a coworker, or rather than wallow in self-pity, you take your pain to help others going through a similar pain
Love is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs- when you forgive a family member again and again
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth- not taking part in gossip
Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, love never fails- not complaining about a family member to a girlfriend, thinking better of people and praying that they will change, never giving up on someone even though he or she has hurt you many times
The difficulty for us women is that many of us see ourselves as broken or unlovely. When we look in the mirror, we don't see a beautiful teacup, but something more like a mug, or maybe even a paper cup to be tossed in the garbage. Know that we are definitely not paper cups, but whether we are teacup or a mug, we are still designed and created by a Creator who loves us. He is the One who fixes us when were are cracked and broken, and He is the one who fills us with love. Paul writes in Romans 5, Therefore since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand, and we boast in the hope of the glory of God... and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. When we have faith in God, we are filled with His hope and we grow in His love until we overflow. Then we are no longer a teacup or mug, but a teapot that can pour into other people's 'cups'. But in order to do this, we have to be willing and available (not fashionable, eloquent, or outgoing). We can't sit empty on a shelf and collect dust.
We close with these words from I John chapter 4: We love because God first loved us. Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
Love is not rude- biting your tongue and responding gently rather than sarcastically
Love is not self-seeking- caring for your aging parents, going out of your way to serve a coworker, or rather than wallow in self-pity, you take your pain to help others going through a similar pain
Love is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs- when you forgive a family member again and again
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth- not taking part in gossip
Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, love never fails- not complaining about a family member to a girlfriend, thinking better of people and praying that they will change, never giving up on someone even though he or she has hurt you many times
The difficulty for us women is that many of us see ourselves as broken or unlovely. When we look in the mirror, we don't see a beautiful teacup, but something more like a mug, or maybe even a paper cup to be tossed in the garbage. Know that we are definitely not paper cups, but whether we are teacup or a mug, we are still designed and created by a Creator who loves us. He is the One who fixes us when were are cracked and broken, and He is the one who fills us with love. Paul writes in Romans 5, Therefore since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand, and we boast in the hope of the glory of God... and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. When we have faith in God, we are filled with His hope and we grow in His love until we overflow. Then we are no longer a teacup or mug, but a teapot that can pour into other people's 'cups'. But in order to do this, we have to be willing and available (not fashionable, eloquent, or outgoing). We can't sit empty on a shelf and collect dust.
We close with these words from I John chapter 4: We love because God first loved us. Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
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My husband told me over his birthday dinner last night (we went to Demitri's Taverna in downtown Livermore… scrumptious Greek food!) that he has been praying for more opportunities for me to share with women. Neither of us had this in mind, but I am glad God answered my husband's prayer, and I am glad He did it this way! Speaking to a room of over one hundred women, ages twenty to ninety, from all walks of life… I wouldn't mind doing it again, if I had the chance and the perfect topic (though I still feel that I am more eloquent in writing than in speech). Several women came up to me to thank me this morning after the church service. Some had invited their moms to the tea, and most of the feedback I heard was that many were encouraged in their relationships with their moms, daughters, mother-in-law, and daughters-in-law. I know that this wouldn't have been possible if I had given the talk by myself. There were also a few women who shared with me that they are a 'mug' (like me) and didn't feel completely comfortable at a 'tea party', which encourages me to know that there are women in the church who attend functions to be with their church family, rather than to enjoy themselves.
There was a moment during the talk when I started tearing up. I blamed my pregnancy hormones, but at the time, I didn't really know why I was crying. Now I do. It was because from where I sat on the stage, I had the best view of all the women in the room. And they were indeed beautiful. I was so blessed by this day, and I praise God that all in all, the tea and Valentine's Day was a success!
There was a moment during the talk when I started tearing up. I blamed my pregnancy hormones, but at the time, I didn't really know why I was crying. Now I do. It was because from where I sat on the stage, I had the best view of all the women in the room. And they were indeed beautiful. I was so blessed by this day, and I praise God that all in all, the tea and Valentine's Day was a success!
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