My Love Practice

A doctor has a medical practice.

A lawyer has a law practice.

A dentist has a dental practice.

I used to wonder, why do we say that these people are 'practicing' when they've studied for years?

Then I realized it's because doctors, lawyers, and dentists must make use of their knowledge by 'practicing' on people. Just knowing the information isn't enough.  On top of that, they must always be learning in order to keep up with new advances and changes in their field, and so they are continually perfecting their craft.

With this in mind, I have now what I call my 'love practice.'

My #1 job as Mrs. Baird is to learn about my husband and to demonstrate that knowledge through acts of love. I tell people I want to be the 'World's Leading Expert' on my husband, to know what makes him happy or angry, how he likes his eggs cooked, and what he needs to recharge at the end of the day.

And this learning is never done! When we were courting and engaged, I was learning how best to love the 26-year-old art teacher I was going to marry. My husband is now nearly 41, a father of seven, and a pastor. He has changed and grown in many ways over these past fifteen years! If I still love him as if he was a 26-year-old man, I would not be loving him in the best way possible.

Writer and theologian Lewis Smedes wrote,

When I married my wife, I had hardly a smidgen of sense for what I was getting into with her. How could I know how much she would change over 25 years? How could I know how much I would change? My wife has lived with at least five different men since we were wed–and each of the five has been me.

My husband is not the only client of my 'love practice'! I know which of my daughters loves stripes and which daughter loves bright colors. I know which son needs extra nudging and which needs a gentle tug on his reigns. And as they grow, they change. Will this girl always love stripes? Will this boy always need nudging? Maybe, and maybe not. I need to keep studying and researching so that my love can grow just as my children do.

And how do I do this? It's easy!

1) Observe
This seems obvious, but we are easily distracted. And honestly, we can be very self-centered. So being intentional about watching (and taking mental notes) is a crucial part of the 'love practice'.

2) Ask questions
This is important for clarifying and getting information that cannot be observed. My husband and I like to have questions prepared for a date night. Good questions are: What are your dreams and goals? What are you proud of? What are you afraid of? What is God teaching you? And don't feel shy or embarrassed if you need to ask your spouse something that you feel like you should already know! We are not mind readers.

3) Pay attention
Be present when you are around that person. Listen when the person is talking about something that is important to him/her. The person is sharing a part of him/herself with you!

4) Do things together
You can't practice your love if you aren't doing things together! For extra 'love practice', choose an activity that the other person enjoys, though it may not be your favorite.

When my husband and I got married, my favorite color was blue. One day, after several years of marriage, my husband jokingly asked me, "Is your favorite color still blue?"

"No," I said with a sneaky smile. "Now it's purple."

He was caught off guard! But he learned his lesson, and so did I. He'll tell people this story now, and always end with, "Is your favorite color still purple?"

So far it is!