Sunday, April 22, 2018

This is the Day!

When you were young, did you ever sing the song "This is the Day"? We sang this song so much when I was growing up that I used to roll my eyes at it, but now this simple call-and-response song continues to pop in my head at least every other day, and it doesn't bother me in the least. The words "This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it" are straight from Psalm 118:24, and they always encourage me to do three things:

1) To not long for the future.
"I can't wait until my son is older." 
"It'll be so much better when this over." 
There is nothing wrong with thinking these thoughts (in fact, sometimes they give me the hope I need to persevere), but when I find myself wishing for what-is-to-come more than focusing on what-is-now, I'm most likely missing out on something. Every day is totally unique and I am witness to many wonderful moments. Every second I'm alive gives me the opportunity to shower God's love on someone. And no matter how bad things may be (or seem to be), blessings are all around me, if I just take the time to see them and remember...

2) To be grateful for today.
It is easy for me to wake up and tackle the day without giving God a single thought. But everything I have is from God, from the very breath that keeps my heart beating to the magnificent sun that gives us warmth, light, and energy! God made it all, including this very day. I need to remember to thank my Maker for His many gifts! Which leads us to #3...

3) To keep an eternal perspective.
If you read Psalm 118:24 in context, you will find that its author was writing about much more than a holy Carpe Diem.

Open to me the gates of righteousness, 
that I may enter through them and give thanks to the Lord.
This is the fate of the Lord, the righteous shall enter through it.
I thank you that you have answered me and have become my salvation.
The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone.
This is the Lord's doing; it is marvelous in our eyes.
This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. 
(Psalm 118:19-24 ESV)

The author rejoices because God has brought salvation to us all! God has made it possible for us to enter into His presence! That is why this day is amazing! That is why we should be celebrating! He is the source of our hope and joy! And so, more than being thankful for today, we should be thankful for the Maker of the day! He has given us Himself!

This is the day (this is the day)… The song goes round and round in my head, as I fight to keep my eyes open after a restless night with the baby, as I try to stay patient while my three-year-old is throwing a tantrum, as I look forward to summer vacation and a break from school, as I push back the darkness of depression and hopelessness. God has given me today, and everything I need to get through it. More than that, He has given me everything I need to enjoy it, despite circumstances. So let us rejoice and be glad in it!

Monday, April 2, 2018

Let there be light!

Wow, this post becomes more relevant to me with each passing day, even though I wrote the first draft almost one month ago.

At that time, I was 39 weeks pregnant and feeling more discouraged, more tired, more sore, and more anxious that I had ever felt while pregnant. I was having strong contractions on and off for several weeks and all I really wanted was to have my baby, but at the same time, the fear of labor pains and my new life afterwards loomed over me at all hours of the day and night.

All I could do was try to stay busy. I excused myself from the family to run to the Chinese grocery store (Chinese food– my biggest craving) and heard this song coming through my van's CD player:

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth
The earth was without form and void and darkness was over the face of the deep
And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters

And God said, "Let there be light"
And there was light

The lyrics are straight from Genesis 1:1-3. As I sat listening to the soothing melody, I was reminded that God is the ultimate Creator. He has been there since the beginning, creating and holding the universe together. And He was still creating now, in me! There was a whole new person inside me! How amazing that I can be a part of God's creation process.

And even more encouraging was the fact that God brings order to chaos, light to the darkness. I picture God's great hand giving shape and meaning to the turmoil and confusion of the uncreated universe. Similarly, anytime I am feeling unsteady and fearful, God guides me through it.

And guided me He did.

That very night, just a few hours after I started writing this post, my water broke. I then experienced my hardest, most painful labor ever because the baby was posterior facing. But after laboring through the dark night, the baby was born at 6:49am, March 4th, healthy and whole. And how perfectly fitting that her name is Nariah, which means 'God is my light'!

But we are still in the midst of the chaos. Nariah is having trouble nursing, so I pumping around the clock, supplementing, and trying to teach her to like the breast again, which also means I can't pay as much attention to my other children or keep up with daily chores. I still have moments of darkness, even more so now because sometimes I feel like I'm failing as a mother, to the baby and all my other children...

Then I remember God's words, "Let there be light!" And I am reminded (again and again) that this present darkness is not forever, not when God is in charge. I may feel inadequate as a mother of eight, I may not know the reason for the timing of this baby, I may want to think that God has made a mistake (or more likely, that I have made a mistake), but those are all NOT true. God is sovereign. God is present. God is orchestrating all the details of my life, and Nariah's young life too.

So be encouraged as I am being encouraged. Maybe you are in your first trimester, or your 39th week. Or maybe you just lost a child. Or you are going through illness. We all have periods of darkness, when we wonder if God has abandoned us or if this time will never end. Remember that God was there at the beginning and that He is in charge. Only He can make something out of nothing and create beauty out of the ugly.

One more thing, if you are looking for uplifting music with lyrics straight from the Bible, check out Seeds Family Worship (and hear the song mentioned above, 'God is Creator' from Genesis 1:1-3). I am so glad my friend Ariel gifted our family with the Character of God CD. Listening to the Seeds Family albums are also a great way to memorize Bible verses!

Friday, March 16, 2018

Piano Lessons

I apologize for not writing since February. I had every intention to write, but March has been a whirlwind… seven sick children, a new baby born on the 4th, more sick children…

Then I found this essay amongst my writings, and it's a good one (if you don't mind my saying so). If I had a list of top 5 life lessons learned in my 39 years so far of living, this would be one of them: wherever God puts me, I am there for a reason.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Piano Lessons

I was young.

I was naive.

I was in need of money.

All good excuses, but that’s what they were, nothing but excuses. I should have done better, even if I hated the job. 

Stuck in a closet of a room with a piano and a kid who was somehow coerced into coming was not my idea of fun. For thirty long minutes, I listened as the student stumbled through Bach and tripped through Mozart. Good thing Beethoven’s already deaf, I thought, because he would wish he was after hearing this rendition of the ‘Moonlight Sonata’.

Finally, the hands of the clock gave me permission to release my prisoner. I watched through the window as the student ran to the awaiting car, away from my chamber of torture. Oh, how I too longed to feel the breeze on my skin and sunshine on my hair!

But tick tick tick, there was another student, another lesson, another few dollars to pay for gas.

I worked this job for five months, always hating it. I hated the fact that I had graduated from college with a degree in music but all my passion, ambition, and idealism were demoted to tinkling on a piano. I hated the fact that my working hours started when everyone else’s was just ending. Most of all, I hated the fact that not one of my students really, truly loved music, that it did not sing in their bones, course through their veins, or haunt their dreams. Music, for me, needed to be a matter of life and death. 

But I could not inspire my students anymore than a match can set fire to an ice cube. They came and they went, without consistency or commitment. Just as I was learning their names, they were gone. 

Yes, I was a cynic. I admit it now. I had graduated from Berkeley with a Bachelor of Arts in cynicism. But I was a dependable cynic. Every week, I was in that closet of a room with a piano, ready to teach.

In comes a new student. Anyone could see from his face that he would rather be on a baseball diamond or a football field than sitting at a piano. I didn’t even try Bach or Beethoven with him. I went straight to the Star Wars Piano Music for Beginners. He didn’t love it, but he at least worked through it. We’ll see how it goes next week, was my thought. If he comes back.

And he did come back. He must have been bribed. I could tell that he hadn’t practice. We tried the Star Wars music again. Okay, lesson done. We’ll see how it goes next week, I thought again, if he comes back.

The next week, he didn’t come back. I wasn’t surprised. (Did I mention that I was a cynic?) His time slot was filled by a new student, Barbara. Barbara was not what I expected. She was genuinely happy to see me. In her early 60s, retired, and ready to tackle something new, she came in with energy to spare. We started our lessons as all lessons started, and thirty minutes were over in a flash. Refreshing, to have a student who wasn’t dragged in by a herd of elephants, but I was hardened already. She won’t last, I told myself. I’ve seen it before: start lessons on a whim, but quit when you can’t play like a pro in four weeks.

I patted myself on the back when, four weeks later, Barbara didn’t come for her lesson.

Too bad, I enjoyed her, I thought. And too bad, I was stuck at work for thirty minutes and not getting paid for it.

I left my closet to find my boss.

“Hey, Rita, I forgot to tell you. About Barbara...”

Oh, I know, she decided she needed a different hobby, I sneered in my mind.

“…about Barbara... she died a few days ago.”

I stopped breathing. “...it was sudden, in her sleep, her daughter called...” none of that mattered. I returned to my closet, shut the door, and sat at the piano, the very piano where, only seven days ago, Barbara had sat and played. In all my idealism, I never thought that this would really become a matter of life and death.

And what were my last words to her?

“See you next week.”

Or, maybe... “Keep practicing!”

What would I have said instead, if I had known?

“Barbara, you are my best student. I enjoy our lessons immensely.”

Sounds overly sincere, the very opposite of cynical, but those were my thoughts, were they not?

But I chose not to express them. 

No, I chose not to give any more than the minimum required, when I should have given all of myself, tap danced on top of the piano for her, baked her lemon bars, brought in CDs to listen to together, our hearts melting at the genius of Bach, Mozart, and Beethoven. No, I had thirty minutes every week with Barbara, and I threw them away.

I saw her only as a student, a paycheck, another lesson, when she was so much more: a mother, a grandmother, a friend, a human being. She was an inspiration, to strive to learn piano when most people would say, “It’s too late!” She was a music lover, to desire the key to music-making when others would say, “You’re wasting your time.” But she didn’t waste her time, not on piano lessons, not at my piano. For she taught me, when I was full of longing to be elsewhere, full of pride and apathy, full of myself. She had less to regret in her last week of living than I had in my last thirty minutes of teaching. She was the match that set an ice cube on fire. 

My ice cube.

Soon after Barbara’s death, I was hired to teach at a local junior and senior high school. I told my boss that I had to resign because I couldn’t juggle both jobs. He mentioned something to me about Barbara.

“Yes, I’ll miss her,” I responded. Because I’ll never forget her.

My new job was rough, my new classroom a little more than a closet. Instead of a piano, I had desks, textbooks, and a white board, and instead of one unenthusiastic student, I had twenty at a time. But for fifty minutes a day, five days a week, I gave all of me. My enthusiasm permeated the room like perfume, my fervor set them on fire. Even the most apathetic of students could not discourage me. And after finishing one quarter with a class of seventh-graders, I sat down and wrote a ‘thank you’ note to each of my students. I did the same with my high-school choir at the end of the year, my music class the next year, my graduates at the end of my third year. Whenever I had the chance, I told my students how much I enjoyed them, what potential they held, and how they made me smile, whether it took one minute, thirty minutes, or fifty minutes to do so.

There were no excuses anymore.


Saturday, February 17, 2018

Homemaking Inside Out

My husband brought home a clipping the other day. It was an extract from a 1950's home economics book, titled "Tips to Look After Your Husband". Among the "tips" were:

…have a delicious meal on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.

…take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking.

…run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order…

…take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces... comb their hair… change their clothes.

…eliminate all noise of washer, drier, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

…have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom… arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice.

Sounds archaic and ridiculous to us modern women, doesn't it? Just hearing my husband read from this list made me feel tired and exasperated! (Just for the record, my husband thought it ridiculous and unrealistic too.) On any given day, I may be able to accomplish one or two things on this list, but on a normal day, if I'm in the middle of cooking dinner (that I might have on the table by six o'clock), the children are (hopefully) happily and noisily playing or doing an art project, the house is not picked up, and I don't have even 5 minutes to refresh myself or take off my husband's shoes! (and really… does he need me to take off his shoes for him?!)

The one thing I did like about this list was "the goal" at the end:

Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

That is always my goal as a homemaker! Though I'm not always able to keep the peace and I'm not the most organized person, I want my home to be a place where my husband (and anyone who steps through my door) feels renewed, encouraged, and loved. I understand what the extract is trying to say, but I also noticed that the list focuses entirely on the external. What is a clean, quiet house if the wife is angry, bitter, worn out, lonely and frustrated? What is a warm, cooked meal if the husband is unaffectionate, emotionally absent, inattentive, ungrateful, and disrespected? Having the appearance of a peaceful, loving home is nothing compared to actually having a peaceful, loving home. And besides, there is so much more to caring for your husband than housekeeping and cooking!

So let's make a new list of tips. 

"TIPS TO LOOK AFTER YOUR HUSBAND" (Take 2)

Respect him
Like you, your husband has opinions, likes and dislikes, emotions. But unlike you, your husband is a man, and so has a different point of view, different strengths and weaknesses, and different responses to a situation. Bottom line–you're going to clash somewhere. But your goal is not to make your husband into another version of you. Your goal is to respect the man for who he is, respect the differences, and discover how you enhance each other and become better together than apart.

One easy way to show him respect is to really listen when he talks. He might just need to release some pressure from work. He might be asking for advice. He might be verbally processing. He might be sharing something interesting from his day. But really listen. If he's giving you his opinion about something, don't demean him or ignore him. Give an answer when needed. Or ask a question. Then share something with him. Having a conversation about something besides the kids  and the mortgage can become a lost art after several years of marriage.

Another easy way to show respect? Encourage, rather than nag. Maybe you'd like to see your husband eat better. Maybe you'd like to see a few tasks get done over the weekend. Talk to him like an adult. Express your concern and needs in a loving way, and ask how you can help remind him without nagging, manipulating or forcing.

Adore him
Your husband wants to be the hunky guy with whom you first fell in love. But when he looks in the mirror, he sees a growing waistline, thinning, graying hair, and wrinkles on his face. And that's only on the outside! Inside, he's maybe wishing that his knees or back wasn't so achey, that he had more time to do what he loves (who wants to feel like little more than a paycheck?), and that he was a better man.

So give him praise. Brag about him in front of people. Ask about his dreams and help him achieve them, even if it's in tiny increments. Thank him for the little things. Maybe it's taking out the garbage. Mowing the grass. Bringing home a paycheck. Rocking a baby to sleep. Let him know that you are grateful for him.

Know him
One thing that doesn't work about the "tips" from the 1950's is that it's "one-size-fits-all." Your husband is not like my husband. There are things that your husband needs that my husband doesn't. Know your husband. My husband is more of an introvert than an extrovert. Sometimes he needs 10 minutes alone in our bedroom to read or rest before tackling our busy family. Sometimes he needs a weekend of doing very little after an especially busy week. He prefers doing art with the kids to camping with the kids. The more I know about my husband, the better I can encourage him to be the best husband and father that he can be.

Involve him
Husbands don't always know what you need at home (and he can't read your mind!) The majority of their day is spent at the workplace, where they know exactly what they need to do. So if you ask him for help around the house, be specific. "Could you please change the baby's diaper?" is better than "Could you do something about the stink?" "Would you mind taking the kids to the park for a bit?" is better than "Could you help with the kids?" Then thank him!

Remember that your husband is growing and changing, and so are you!
Always pray for your husband. He is not a perfect person, but then, neither are you! God is growing both of you to be more like Him, and through that, you and your husband can draw closer to each other. Practice the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Galatians 5:22)

Then rather than focus on your husband's deficiencies, look for ways that you can grow. If you are not a very organized or scheduled person, find ways to improve in those areas. If you feel anger towards your husband, work on forgiveness. If you are not a good communicator, be brave and take the step towards being more open, honest, and self-controlled.


These tips are not a 10-step guide to a perfect home. But if you practice love and peace on the inside, your home will be transformed into a haven of peace, comfort, and security for both you and your husband because your outward actions will begin to reflect your inner heart. You will want to cook for your husband. You will want to listen to him talk about his day. You will want to be joyful when he comes home. 

But that taking-off-the-shoes thing? I still don't know about that…

Thursday, February 8, 2018

Active Love

Many of you are familiar with the old children's television show, Mr. Roger's Neighborhood. You may or may not know that besides being a TV celebrity, Fred Rogers was a Presbyterian minister. While he didn't preach on his show, his beliefs in the value of children and the importance of practicing neighborly love permeated every second of his air time. 

In his book, The World According to Fred Rogers: Important Things to Remember, Rogers writes:

Love isn't a perfect state of caring. It's an active noun like 'struggle'. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.

How I wish everyone understood this about love! My husband and I will be speaking on dating and romantic relationships to a room full of teenagers on Wednesday, Valentine's Day, and one of the best bit of wisdom we can share with them is exactly what Mr. Rogers said.

Love is not a feeling. Many young people (and older people too) equate love with the high-flying, excitable flutter of being with a certain person. But that feeling will not last. Maybe for a year or two, you will feel "in love". Then the person grows and changes. Or you see something in the person that you don't like. Or he/she does something that annoys you. Or hurts you. The "in love" feeling is gone, replaced by anger, sadness, and bitterness.

The only way for a marriage, or any relationship, to last and survive the negative times is by practicing true and deep, abiding love. This does not mean being kind to a person only what you feel like it. It is not a two-way street: I do something for you when you do something for me. It is not trying to change the person into someone you want him/her to be, or dwelling on the person that you had "loved" once upon a time. 

Love is an action verb. To love, one must act for the other's benefit. One will have to make compromises and sacrifices and put the other person first. One pushes through the ugliness that arises from our sin nature and strives to be a better person. Simply said, love is not passive. I Corinthians 13:4-7, though being a familiar, often-quoted passage, gives a great, "active", definition of love. Notice all the verbs used:

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (ESV)

Valentine's Day is around the corner. Besides the usual romantic gestures, what can you do that day (and every day after) to show your loved ones that you LOVE them?