Nine Years of Courage Building

I'm back from another outing with my five children. Today, we went to the library and the grocery store. At this point, I'm used to the stares.

"Are they ALL yours?" 

"You must have your hands full!" 

Without fail, people comment, and I've learned to smile and move on. But this time, I had the chance to chat with a mom and her eighteen-month-old daughter, who was wearing a spider headband as we waited to check out. The little girl was sitting primly in the shopping cart seat, but with eight spindly orange-and-black spider legs spread out above her straight-cut bangs and big, dark eyes. Adorable! 

After talking a bit about the silly spider headband, the girl's mom admitted, "I was watching you in the store... how do you do it with five?"

I laughed. Motioning with my hand, I answered, "You work up to it, like a step-ladder."

Which really is the truth. A few years ago, I would have never taken my children (even one or two) with me to Costco. I used to go to only one store per outing, and stayed home every Monday because the children were grumpy and unpredictable after a long Sunday at church. And I would have never attempted an outing in the afternoon, because I needed the whole time to prepare for dinner. It is only now, after nine years of learning recipes, fine-tuning my methods, and building up my courage, that I will take all my children, by myself, on an outing. There are still trips that I wouldn't try without help (the beach, the farmer's market, any city, even the main branch of the Livermore library) unless I was desperate.

If you are a new mom, this is for you:

Relax and take it slowly. Don't feel like you have to attempt everything with your new baby. The new person in your life is an adjustment. But have courage, and the rest will come.

If you're not a new mom, but feel like you still haven't gotten a handle on juggling children, homemaking, and all that life entails, this is for you too:

Don't beat yourself up. Keep trying until you find your groove. I heard once that it takes a teacher three years in a classroom to settle into a style and method that works for him or her. So whether you're homeschooling or not, stay-at-home or working, nurturing a toddler or teenager (or both), have courage!

Treasures

My one-year-old is now quite an explorer. I love the little quirks that make her uniquely her, like when she scrunches up her nose and snuffles, or when she gently rubs her brother's back when he cries. She also has a habit of pulling things out of garbage cans: papers, wrappers, discarded pens and pencils. At first, I asked myself, "Why does she insist on going through the trash?" Then one day, I found her brother's shoe in the garbage can, along with a little book and a doll. The baby was putting things in the garbage can, things that she thought were valuable. In her one-year-old mind, the garbage can was not a place for unwanted things; it was a treasure chest!

Once again, one of my children has taught me a valuable lesson. Jesus said, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth... but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven." (Matthew 6:19-20). When I think about the treasures in heaven, I can only imagine grander versions of things on earth: shinier jewels, mountains of gold, bigger houses. But I think the heavenly treasures are much more than that, so much more than what we, with our limited minds, can comprehend. And yet, because we can't comprehend the heavenly treasures, we don't want to let go of the tangible treasures we have. We, like one-year-olds, are clinging to our garbage cans full of useless things, when God wants to give us real treasure! 

World's Leading Expert

The best advice my husband and I ever got from Ben and Judy, our wonderful pre-marital counselors, was this:

The person you marry will change. In five, ten, twenty years, you will not be married to the same person.

It sounds obvious, but many people hold onto the image of the person with whom they fell in love, and do not allow that person to grow. Then one day, they realize that their spouse is NOT the person with whom they fell in love, and they wonder, "Am I still in love with this person?" Divorce, separation, pain and tears... all can follow if a person falls into that trap.

So my husband and I remind ourselves that our main job is to 'study' each other, and our goal is to become the 'world's leading expert' on each other. And sometimes, the only way to do that is to ask questions. Yes, 'just knowing' sounds romantic, but mind-reading is the stuff of Hollywood movies and fairytales. What I recommend is, for your next date night (and if you don't have a next date night, get moving on scheduling one!), write some questions on small pieces of paper. Fold up the papers, and put them into a bowl or empty tissue box. Then pour some comfort drink (coffee, tea, milk and honey, wine, cocoa), put out a plate or bowl of yummy snacks, and take turns with your spouse pulling out questions and asking them to each other.

If you think this is a strange idea, remember this: when you were dating, this is what you did automatically. You wanted so much to know the other person inside and out, you could have talked for hours. Now, get to know the person again, and see how he or she has changed. And fall in love with that person, all over again. I think you will find yourself pleasantly surprised.

P.S. I recommend that you do this little game every so often, in order to maintain your 'world's leading expert' status and keep your 'field notes' up-to-date.

Following are some questions to ask your spouse, in case you need help:

- What is your favorite color? Favorite season? Favorite book? Favorite music?

- What is your favorite food and drink? What is your comfort food?

- What is your love language?

- What are your goals for the next year? next five years? next ten years?

- When you are sick, what do you want most from me?

- What do you like most about yourself? What do you like most about me?

- What is your happiest childhood memory? What is your saddest?

- If you had a whole day to yourself, what would you do?

- If you had a whole day with just me, what would you do?

- What are you learning about God right now?

Little Box

(Lyrics to my new song, written after watching a documentary about Sara Groves and her trip to Rwanda and Arkansas after Hurricane Katrina)


I built myself a little box
Complete with windows and a door that locked
There I, contented, lived my life
Sipping my tea, watching the world go by

Sometimes I heard a cry of pain
I looked outside, the tears fell as the rain
But I just checked my door and lock
And settled back inside my box

Then one day, I received a note,
Hand-written, folded in an envelope
I opened it, curious to see
If the note's author was my love-to-be

But my admirer he was not
But still my lover despite what I thought
His message took me by surprise
His words caused me to laugh and cry

And still more letters came my way
I read his love notes to me everyday
And within me, they fanned a fire
A greater love that only Love inspires

And then I found I'd hit a wall
My little house had somehow grown too small
And love had burned through door and lock
For now my heart was bigger than my box

Food, and Food for Thought

I like grocery shopping. There's something anticipatory about walking up and down the aisles, choosing the ingredients that will come together to make a meal. I especially like the produce section, with its colors, shapes, and smells. I'm always amazed at what God thought of to grow up from the ground!

On Saturday, I had the  chance to go on a short shopping trip by myself. That's what I said, by myself, meaning, without the kids! That's when grocery shopping is really fun! I can take the time to think through the week, to decide to try something new, or buy something to surprise the children (which, yesterday turned out to be bagels, not donuts, but the kids were still excited).

And as I was putting my groceries in my car, I noticed the little car beside me. It was a new, compact model, painted an eye-catching light lime green. In the driver's seat was a young lady and her dog. 

It may have been that, without my children, I was more aware and thoughtful than usual. Or it may have been that I'm in the middle of reading Radical, by David Platt. But whatever it was, instead of turning my attention back to my groceries and driving away, I studied the young lady. She was well-coifed in a suburban-hip kind of way, with a nose ring and flattering make-up, but she did not look very happy, despite being in her new, green car. Or despite the fact that she was sitting outside a giant grocery store, full of a variety of fresh and healthy foods, coffee made to your liking, and clean water in a bottle or straight from a faucet! This young lady, like myself, did not have to think about survival. Our daily decisions revolved more around questions like "Hmmm... which of these five varieties of apples do I want? And should I get a scone with my coffee today?"

The Compassion International magazine I received recently put it all into perspective. Amongst the articles about children receiving heart surgeries and orphans given a chance to survive, there was an article titled Stuff, An American Phenomenon. In it, Mike Hanlon writes, 

According to the Self-Storage Association's website, there are more than 58,000 

storage facilities around the world. And 80 percent of those are here in the United States... 
That's pretty interesting, considering just how large our homes have become... 

apparently that's not enough room for our stuff. Our stuff spills out of our homes, 

into our garages and, when that's not enough, into a storage unit.

We have it good here. We may have heart issues to work through (but then again, who doesn't?) but as far as health goes, most of us don't have to worry about much. Children and families around the world are hungry, cold, and physically hurt, and fall asleep to the sound of bombs and guns. Hanlon goes on to say, "The truth is, most storage units are nicer than the homes [these] kids live in."

As I drove away from the store, I saw another woman, looking very different from the young lady in the car. This woman was middle-aged, dressed in a grungy coat, sitting by the side of the road. She had stationed herself next to the traffic light, hoping that those who stopped at a red light would pity her enough to give her some money or food. Usually, I wouldn't mind giving a homeless person an apple or something easy to eat, but yesterday, I didn't have anything on hand. I hesitated to give her money, but this thought crossed my mind: Most likely, this woman is someone's mother. Would I want to see my mother hungry and cold on the side of the road, when I have so much to spare?

You know what I did next. And then I drove home, having gotten more than just food on my shopping trip that day.