#1 Dads

Sometimes, I feel our culture is doing to the reputation of dads what it did to the reputation of mothers-in-law. Dads are all too often portrayed by media as goofy, incompetent, authoritarian, or absent. I'm not saying that all TV and movie fathers are bad, but there are enough 'bad apples' out there to ruin the whole barrel, in my opinion. The stereotypical modern dad is either affection but dumb, or overly strict and removed.

So let me take a moment to praise the amazing fathers I know. Last night, I had the pleasure of going to the county fair with several good friends, my sister, and my family. Between all of us, there were two dads and eight kids, five of them being three and under. The dads had graciously joined us moms right after working a long day, and it made me proud to see these men in action: helping with pushing strollers, carrying children, walking long distances in the muggy heat, and participating in a ride or two. They were tired, but they weren't complaining. And this was typical of them. Day in and day out, they work hard to support their families, then go straight home to work harder. When they wish they could pursue their own hobbies and pastimes, they choose to be with the family instead. They lead their families to seek after God, and accept the responsibility of all that entails. And above all, they cherish their wives. These are the men that I admire most, and I'm blessed that one of them is mine.

(Still) Home Sweet Home

Well, we're not moving. The landlord offered us a two-year lease with only a slight increase in rent, and we knew that it would be unwise for us to pack up our belongings and move into a smaller and more expensive rental for no reason other than that I don't like the orange exterior.

I decided that it's time to put down my pride and play the Glad Game. Though I feel the first impression of our house doesn't reflect "me" (and I'm almost always worried about "What will people think?!?!"), it's time to get over it. I have many reasons (still) to be glad:

- The landlord hasn't painted any of the rooms orange.

- The interior of the house still reflects "me" and my family.

- I will feel more settled after reorganizing certain rooms and closets this summer.

- We still have more space than we ever imagined having, not to mention a wonderful guest room.

- We have a home for at least the next two years, and at an affordable price.
- I don't have to pack.

- Our house is distinctive and easy to describe to people visiting for the first time.

- I can plant some warm-toned flowers in the front.
- This will be the longest that we've ever lived in a house.

- God's timing is ALWAYS perfect.

Home Sweet Home

Ah, back from camp, and there is nothing I look forward to more than sleeping in my own bed.

But something was... hmmm... not right about our house. Not on the inside, but on the outside. When we returned after two and a half hours of driving, almost giddy about being "home sweet home", we were reminded that just before we left, our landlord had had the house painted.

And guess the color? (You'll never guess.) Think fiery golden sunset, orange sherbet with artificial coloring, or the neon-peach-colored shorts you wore in the 80's.

I tell myself, "Well, at least I don't have to look at it all day." But I do see it, every time I look out the window, and every time I come or go. And somehow, it's changed how I feel about the house.

I admit to you that I had fallen in love with the house. It suits our family so perfectly that there would be few changes to make, if I ever had the chance to make them. And I had dreamed of that possibility, that the landlord would come to us one day and say, "I don't want this house anymore. Please buy it from me, for cheap, to help me out!" I know there was no other way we could stay, otherwise.

And I know that the day was soon approaching when we would have to move, and that this house would become a memory for my children and me, and that we would need to trust God to lead us to our next home. But then again, didn't He lead us to this house, three years ago?

Now I'm ready to step out again, and I have to thank my landlord and the strange orange-colored paint he chose. If not for that, I would have never been prepared to leave. 

Sometimes, God gives us gifts in funny packages.

My Other Children

My youngest son and I were just looking at the photo on the refrigerator of the boy we sponsor through Compassion International. The boy, now a young man, will turn 21 and graduate this August! In the photo, he is smiling and standing confidently, much different from when we first "met" him at the age of 17.

Some people wonder why we can't just ship food to famished countries, or dig wells and build houses. The difference is clear: we can "feed a man for a day" or "feed a man for a lifetime." Some countries have grown too dependent on short-term missionaries. Others simply take advantage of visitors' generosity. Still others gladly accept help with physical needs, but don't want to hear what the foreigners have to say about their spiritual needs. On the other hand, sponsorship programs provide relationship, mentorship, and discipleship. Like medical missions, they can meet a specific need rather than a general need. And most importantly, they teach people to become leaders, thereby influencing the culture positively from the inside out.

In a recent study of sponsorship programs, Dr. Bruce Wydick of the University of San Francisco found that these programs made a huge difference in the lives of the sponsored children. Compared to their unsponsored peers, 27-40% were more likely to complete secondary school, 50-80% more likely to graduate from college, and 35% more likely to have white-collar jobs (with many becoming teachers and leaders of their community). 

These numbers (along with the information available on the Compassion International website) are very encouraging, since I most likely will never meet my "son" in person. But then it occurs to me, as I finish telling my son about his "brother" in India, that there may be a time when we can all be together. Someday, in Heaven, I hope to meet all my "children."

Simple Gestures

I realize now how idealistic I sounded in my post 'To Serve Each Other'. Truly, I long for a world where no one is left wanting for food or love, and not because circumstances are always perfect, but because God's people are caring. But I'm not here to add another obligation on your long to-do list. I know that those taking care of children, elderly parents, or sick loved ones are already serving all day. There are days and weeks (and months!) that are completely draining. 

And yet, I don't think it's asking too much to change our mind-set. Living the life that God intended for us does not mean looking forward to church services because we will get an hour reprieve from our 'obliglations'. Living in the Kingdom is not about our happiness, but about the joy that God gives us when we serve others, and allow others to serve us. 

This post is mostly for parents of young children. If you are one, and feeling discouraged because your heart wants to serve, but your hands feel tied, here is a little article I wrote in 2011, titled 'Simple Gestures'.

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Two summers ago, my husband and I volunteered for our church’s ‘Senior Work Day’, a Saturday when people go out in groups to do service projects for local seniors. Because we had three children under the age of six, the coordinator of the workday assigned us to the home of Ed and Jean. The project there was simple: Ed had requested help moving some gravel in his yard. His wish was to plant a vegetable garden, so his wife could have fresh vegetables to eat. Though I was seven months pregnant at the time, I was excited to hear about this project and determined to help out any way I could. 

We arrived at Ed and Jean’s home with buckets, gloves, and shovels, ready to work. The children were so happy to have an excuse to dig and play with rocks! While they and the other adults shoveled the gravel, I busied myself by pulling weeds. We worked steadily for an hour, but with the summer sun climbing and the temperature creeping up to one hundred, I needed to stop and rest. Frustrated that I could not help as much as I would like, I sat and watched my husband and the others work diligently to finish the job. That was when Ed came over and sat by me.

He started telling me his story, and I quickly realized that I was talking with a remarkable man. Ed is a loving husband, the sole caregiver of his wife, who has Alzheimer’s. They had met during World War II, and have been married for more than sixty years. After talking for about half an hour, Ed asked if I would like to bring the children inside to meet Jean. I responded with a joyful ‘Yes!’

Ed introduced us to a beautiful, smiling woman with flowing gray hair. Jean’s eyes lit up at the sight of the children, and she nodded as her husband explained what we were doing in the backyard. Although it was difficult to have long conversations with Jean, none of us felt that the time with her was wasted. In truth, what we did in the house became more important than what we did outside in the yard.

Since our first meeting, my family has visited Ed and Jean multiple times. Now, instead of pulling weeds or washing windows, we just sit and chat. Ed and Jean love to watch the children play and hear their laughter. One visit was extra special for them because I brought my month-old son, and they had the pleasure of holding a tiny baby once again. I myself have grown to cherish Ed and Jean. Ed takes care of Jean and all her medical needs with a tender and patient heart. My husband and I know that we are witnesses of true love in action. We have been touched by them as much as they have been touched by us. In giving a little, we have received so much more in return.

Sometimes I feel like I can't do much to help my community. I see needs and wish I had the time and abilities to meet them all. But I remember Jesus's words in Matthew 25:40, "...whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters o f mine, you did for me." A simple gesture of appreciation, an hour of time given, a little love shared... these can touch people, myself included, in the most unexpected ways, and reach deeper and farther that I ever know. 

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In the years since, I have visited Jean in an assisted living home, sat with Ed at Jean's funeral, and had Ed over to my house for his birthday and Easter. He's held not only my fourth child, but also my fifth. Every time he sees me, he laughs and talks about how our friendship started, four years ago. I laugh too, because I too would have never expected this friendship, or the joy I have gained from it.

God can use us, no matter what our circumstance, our talents, our energy level. He sees the gift, not the size of the gift. And as parents, we hold a unique gift. Children overflow with joy and beauty, and there are many people in the world who need a little more joy and beauty in their lives. It can be as simple as chatting with a person while your child hides behind your legs. Or if your child is a natural performer, let him/her perform! Teach them to be comfortable shaking hands and chatting with an elderly person. By doing so, you are also teaching them that they can make a difference in the Kingdom, and that it is important to love people despite age differences.


*Note: As part of our homeschooling, my children and I often visit an assisted living home to sing a few songs. If you would like to visit the elderly, it is easiest if you know someone living there, or contact their office and arrange a time to go with a group (MOPS, for example) and have a program of some sort. Some towns have an adopt-a-grandparent program, or a board in their senior center where seniors needing assistance (yard work, etc.) can post their names. And if your town doesn't have any programs like these, maybe you can start one through your church!