In Step In Marriage

The unfortunate side effect of the holiday season is that I become a stressed and grumpy wife. After so many days of driving to people's homes, being surrounded by extended family, dealing with children who won't nap, and then attempting to clean my disastrous house, I am not a happy camper. I have to confess, I had not been very kind to my husband lately.

As I repent of my less-than-loving behavior, two images come to mind. Once, as I was waiting at a red light, I saw an elderly Asian couple crossing the street. At first, what I noticed was their matching outfits: khaki pants, black shoes, and similar black jackets. Then, as they walked, I noticed that their steps were perfectly in time, so much that at one angle, I could not tell that there were two people walking in front of me. Even when the couple reached the curb, their steps did not falter. As neatly and gracefully as a hawk lighting onto a branch, the man and woman stepped onto the sidewalk and continued their stroll.

The other image is a passage from The Lord of the Rings.

...Tom and Goldberry set the table; and the hobbits sat half in wonder and half 

in laughter: so fair was the grace of Goldberry and so merry and odd the 

caperings of Tom. Yet in some fashion they seemed to weave a single dance, 

neither hindering the other, in and out of the room, and round about the 

table; and with great speed food and vessels and light were set in order.

I can see it in my mind, this dance of Tom and Goldberry, and if I was a dancer, I would choreograph a performance piece along those lines.

There have been times when my husband and I work together with that much unity. As a team, we take care of the children, make decisions, and tackle problems that arise. I love feeling that connected to my husband.

So, what happened to me these past few days? How come my husband and I have not been 'in step'? Our dance together was clumsy and faltering; we were dancing solo, or tripping over each other. We were housemates, or acquaintances, business partners at best, but hardly best friends and lovers.

I can think of two reasons (and there may be many more, but these are the two I've pinpointed.) One reason is pure selfishness. I have my agenda, and my only thought is to plow ahead until I have accomplished my task. And when my husband's agenda doesn't match mine, I become frustrated and angry because I want him to do what I think needs to be done!

The second reason is lack of communication. I didn't ask my husband what he needed to do yesterday, and I was taken by surprise when he didn't come home until dinner time. Then today, I was ready to go to the grocery store and library, assuming that my husband would stay home with the kids, but forgetting to ask him if he had any plans. Until my husband and I master mind-reading (said tongue in cheek), verbal communication is the key. Marriage books and marriage counselors will tell you this time and time again. I've known it for ten years now, and I still forget it. I'm not a very talkative person to begin with, but that really is no excuse, if I want to be in step in my marriage. This also means being clearer about what I need from my husband and being more honest about my feelings. My New Year's resolution (more on that in my next post) is to communicate better with my husband.

Marriage is not easy; anyone who is married knows this fact. But it doesn't mean that marriages can't be joyful and fulfilling. With work, God's example of love, and the Holy Spirit's help and guidance, two can become one. And our marriages will be a shining example to the world.

Post-Christmas Cheer

I discovered today what makes a Christmas song really great.

It had not been a good day. As we backed out of the garage, on our way to my parents' house to celebrate Christmas with them, I noticed something different about our house. It took me a moment to realize what it was: one of the cars was missing. Normally, we have three cars parked on our driveway, because our housemates have two for their commute to work and school. Well, one of their cars was gone.

We quickly called our housemates (who were in Colorado visiting family), hoping that maybe a friend of theirs had borrowed the car, and they had just happened to forget mentioning it to us. No such luck. The trip to my parents' house was cut short, and my husband was on the phone much of the day, talking to the police and our housemates.

From this situation, my husband observed how sin has a ripple affect. Many people's Christmas was ruined this morning. As for me, I was just angry. How could someone do that?! To my friends, of all people?! I hope the thieves are caught! Maybe God can work a miracle! I want Him to get those crooks!

I fumed while I turned the situation over and over in my mind. But a moment came as I sat in my house and looked up at the sun shining in through a skylight. My husband was playing Christmas music in the background, and I heard the words, "O come let us adore Him, O come let us adore Him..." And I stopped, breathed, and worshiped Him despite everything. In the midst of my anger, I had forgotten to pray. I finally released my grip on the uncontrollable and called on God for peace and justice.

Later, as I washed the dinner dishes, I found myself singing the second verse of 'O Holy Night'. Again, the words struck me, "Christ is the Lord..." And I was reminded that He is with us, and He has His hand on us and our housemates. Whatever the reason was for this incident, He is in control.

The great Christmas songs are great because they are true. I can sing them all year round because they are worshipful. Some people are disappointed because another Christmas has come and gone, but I have Christmas cheer that never goes away.

Christmas Quotes

The event of Christ is the only event in human history that promises relocation and centering, meaning and purpose. This promise and its fulfillment evoke passionate and heartfelt praise and thanks, especially for those aware of their own brokenness and the healing which Christ brings into their lives. ~Robert Webber

Whatever else be lost among the years, 

Let us keep Christmas still a shining thing: 

Whatever doubts assail us, or what fears,

Let us hold close one day, remembering

Its poignant meaning for the hearts of men.

Let us get back our childlike faith again.

~Grace Noll Crowell

Late on a sleepy, star-spangled night, those angels peeled back the sky just like you would tear open a sparkling Christmas present. Then, with light and joy pouring out of Heaven like water through a broken dam, they began to shout and sing the message that baby Jesus had been born. The world had a Savior! The angels called it "Good News," and it was. ~Larry Libby

And this morning, my five-year-old said, "God invited everyone to his birthday party!"

I can't say it better than that. May your Christmas be full of true peace, true love, and true joy!

Living in the Light of God's Love

I lament that I do not live every moment in the light of God's love. I try too often to live by my own strength as I try to gain some status in this world or attempt to "fix" it. And I allow the cares of the world to overcome me, forgetting that God is all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-loving!

But I am encouraged by my friends William and Larisa, who are back in the United States after another year abroad as missionaries. They truly live in the light of God's love. Sometimes they arrive in a city not knowing where their family will sleep that night, and a person offers them a place to stay. They share the message of the cross in countries that are not always open to the Gospel, but they know that every meeting, be it with a taxi-driver or an old friend, is by God's divine appointment. Every breath they breath is God-given, and every step they take is God-directed. They don't do anything on their own strength!

I want to share with you an e-mail I received this morning from Larisa, who had just traveled to Florida with three of their six children. This is just one of many examples of my friends' great faith.

Merry Christmas!  I, Larisa, just got back from an amazing, God-ordained time in Florida. God allowed me to share some of the great things He has been doing overseas with a large Community Bible study group and with the chapel service at Teen Missions Int'l. 

There is a verse in Psalm 68:20 that says, "God is to us a God of deliverances; And to GOD the Lord belong escapes from death."

God just gave us ANOTHER escape from death.  We have had so many hair raising events and yet God has just sent His angels again and again to rescue our lives from destruction.

We had to use a loaner car seat from United as they sent ours to the wrong destination.  The car seat they gave us was a bit too small, so on the airporter bus I let my one-year-old stand up a bit as she had been sitting in a stroller, car seat, and plane for about 18 hours.  When she fell asleep, I set her in her car seat beside me on the bus and almost didn't buckle her.  God led me to buckle her even though the top straps were so tight I couldn't slip my fingers under them.

As I was carrying her in her car seat down the stairs of the bus, a man insisted on taking it out of my hands.  When he started down the steps he slipped and the whole car seat fell upside down and he just had a hold of the bottom.  If I had just set my daughter in the car seat and had not buckled her chest strap, she would have fallen almost 5 feet down landing on the top of her head on cement.  God rescued her from another super close call with death.

My mind keeps going back and forth from praise to God for this rescue to terror and shock at how close we came to losing her.  For those of you who don't know our youngest, she is such an extremely  joyful, patient, longsuffering and content baby.  She is so patient through hours and hours of travel and just grins and claps her hands and smiles at everyone around.  She has been in 10 countries and been held and loved by people from many, many nationalities.

Thanks again for your prayers.  God has opened so many amazing opportunities to ministry to us and at the same time it seems the evil one is trying hard to kill and destroy us. I had shared the Gospel with a man from Lebanon just before this happened.  God has given so many radical rescues from death.  Praise to our Mighty God who is NEAR!

When I read this, I thought of my own little baby, and I know that I should never take her safety and health for granted. Everything I have, from my health, to my family and friends, to my husband's job, to my home, is a gift fromGod. There is no "luck" or "hard work" involved. And everything I do can be for His glory, if I remember that I live in the light of God's love.

Please take a moment to pray for my friends William and Larisa and their six children as they prepare to return to the Middle East and Europe in January to continue spreading the Good News!

Celebrating Christ, not Christmas

As my husband and I are preparing to lead worship on Christmas Eve, we are encountering a rather common malady: putting Christmas above Christ. Because when a person insists on singing only Christmas carols, or demands that we must light candles, or stresses about putting lights up, baking at least five kinds of cookies, following this tradition or that tradition, then that person has made an idol of Christmas.

I agree that Christmas is a beautiful holiday, and the songs, the candles, the lights and traditions, all of those things are lovely, but we cannot allow those things to change how we should live daily. Christ calls us to Love the Lord your God, and love your neighbor as yourself. And if we are arguing about how things "need" to be done at Christmas, then we are not obeying His command.

In all you do (or don't do) this Christmas holiday, remember: Celebrate Christ!

Love Sack

That's 'Love Sack', not to be confused with 'Love Shack'.

Earlier today, I was reading the children a Christmas story called 'Ichod, The Christmas Troll.' It is about a troll who hates Christmas, mostly because no one ever includes him in the gift-giving and festivities. So he goes about, trying to ruin Christmas, until one of Santa's elves gives him a present, and a remarkable change occurs. Ichod's icey heart melts and he begins to share in the joy of Christmas. At the end of the story, my daughter summed it up with "Someone just needed to fill his love sack. When your love sack is empty, you have no love to give."

Do you have a neighbor who is a bit Scrooge-y? A coworker who is a tint of Grinch-y green? Maybe he or she has an empty love sack, and needs someone to fill it! A plate of cookies, an invitation, a small ornament... these are all ways to show a person that he or she is not forgotten or overlooked during is lovely, but sometimes lonely, holiday season. Get creative, and get your children involved! Kids have love sacks that overflow! Do some old-fashioned caroling. Rake a neighbor's leaves. Give a nice tip to a bad waiter. Hug the relative that you can't stand. You never know whose heart you may melt and whose love sack you may fill up!

The Significance of Christmas

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, 

because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. 

He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and 

recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, 

to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

Then he rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down. 

The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him, 

and he began by saying to them, 

"Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing."

Luke 4:18-21

As I was trying to clear away the 'extras' that we've piled onto Christmas, I discovered this passage. Two chapters after the birth of Jesus, many years after the angels and shepherds and wise men  have come and gone, when most people had probably forgotten about that night in Bethlehem and see now only a poor homely carpenter from Nazareth, Jesus himself announces the purpose of His coming. The Old Testament passage that Jesus read is from Isaiah 61. It is worth reading this prophecy! Jesus came to bring true joy and healing, joy and healing that can  come only when we are reunited with our Maker.

That was why the angels sang, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests," and why we continue to sing those words today.

Christmas Traditions

I grew up with no Christmas traditions, mainly because my parents are from Hong Kong and grew up with no Christmas at all. We had a few decorations, and we finally inherited a fake tree when I was in high school, but all in all, Christmas was a quiet, uneventful day in my home.

Then there's the Bairds. Their traditions began with the chopping of the tree the morning after Thanksgiving and didn't end until every last present was opened. Their house was full of activity and song, lights and candles, angels and snowmen. On Christmas eve, they dressed up in bathrobes to reenact the Biblical story, and on Christmas day, they ate cinnamon rolls for breakfast. And that was what one could expect at their house, every year.

When I had kids, I had to think about starting my own Christmas traditions. Because I had longed for them myself when growing up, I knew how important they were. Traditions, though they should not take the place of the actual significance of the holiday itself, give children a sense of expectation and unity. Some families make a birthday cake for Jesus or open a "present" with Bible verses in it to remember the true meaning of the day. Others drive around and admire lights, take a photo with Santa, or volunteer at a soup kitchen. I have heard of a fun tradition involving the wise men from a nativity set. Once Mary, Joseph, and the baby are set up, the wise men move throughout the house to find their way to the manger. Every day they change to a new location, and the children go on a hunt through out the house to find them. On the day of Epiphany, the wise men will finally arrive at the manger. So far, I have adopted only three traditions for my own family, two of which are advent in nature.

The first is that we join my in-laws and drive into the mountains to the Tabacco Ranch Tree Farm to chop a tree. Every child helps saw down the tree, and we eat lunch in the midst of the fog, sun, and fresh air. The view from atop the mountains this year was exceptional. When the fog cleared, we saw the Pacific Ocean glistening on the horizon.

Our nativity and wrapped books

The second involves finding Christmas picture books, twenty-four of them. Some I own, and some come from the library. The books are wrapped and placed under the Christmas tree, and every night, starting on December 1st, a child chooses a book to unwrap and read together. What makes this fun is the surprise of unwrapping the book, the pleasure of reading a book that is a known favorite, discovering new favorites along the way,  and, for mom and dad, not having to listen to the kids ask, "Can we open a present early? Just a peek?" My method is to wrap only a few books at a time (library books always go first), then reuse the old paper to wrap a new book for the following night. (For a list of our favorite Christmas stories, go to my more recent post: Our Favorite Christmas Stories.)

Twenty-four days of socks!

The third tradition involves a little more work. On a long string, I hang twenty-four Christmas-y socks (twelve pairs). In them, I put scripture passages that narrate the Christmas story, along with an ornament to match the verse. Because I have only twelve ornaments, I alternate the verses with Christmas carols that relate to the verse of the previous day (which makes 24 days in all!). I also put in little treats or gifts. Every morning, starting on December 1st, we will take down a sock, read the verses inside, and hang up the ornament, or sing a Christmas carol and enjoy a treat. There are many variations of this stocking idea that you can do. A friend of mine found verses that described a name of Jesus (the Word, the Light of the World, the Bread of Life...) which then became a clue to where a treat is hidden in the house. For example, if the clue was 'Light of the World', the prize was by a light switch or a lamp. At the end of this entry I have listed verses that you can use, if you choose to try this idea this year. You can also simply read the verses together, or come up with a new activity altogether!

Along with these traditions, my family makes presents, cookies, cards (stamps and collage), and wrapping paper (potato stamping, or try a new vegetable like boy choy! My husband stamped with the bottom third of a baby bok choy and made wrapping paper covered with beautiful roses!) One year, we twisted two different colored pipe cleaners together to make mini candy canes to hang on the tree, and cut out snowflakes from paper to tape to our windows. We try to use what we have, minimizing on cost and maximizing on creativity, with the intention to teach the children that Christmas is not about being flashy, and that a true gift does not need to be big, expensive, or perfect.

But whether you use a store-bought advent calendar, go caroling around your neighborhood, or simply buy a tree off a lot and decorate it together, Christmas traditions are about being together and remembering what the holiday is really about. If you have some fun traditions, feel free to share them with me!

The Names of Jesus-

John 1:1-2~ the Word

John 6:35~ the Bread of Life

John 10:7-10~ the Gate

John 10:14-16~ the Good Shepherd

John 1:29~ the Lamb of God

John 11:25-26~ the Life

John 15:1-8~ the Vine

John 8:12~ the Light of the World

Christmas Story Passages with Corresponding Ornaments and Carols-

(remember that these are only a suggestion, change them to suit your needs or preferences)

Day 1-2) Luke 1:26-38~ Mary, O Come O Come Emmanuel

Day 3-4) Matt 1:18-25~ Joseph, Silent Night

Day 5-6) Luke 2:1-6~ donkey, O Little Town of Bethlehem

Day 7-8) Luke 2:7~ Jesus, Away in the Manger

Day 9-10) Luke 2:8-9~ shepherds, The First Noel

Day 11-12) Luke 2:10-14~ angels, Angels We Have Heard on High

Day 13-14) Luke 2:15-20~ sheep, Go Tell it on the Mountain

Day 15-16) Matt 2:1-6~ Magi, We Three Kings

Day 17-18) Matt 2:7-10~ Magi, O Come All Ye Faithful

Day 19-20) Matt 2:11-12~ Magi, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

Day 21-22) Matt 2:13-23~ camel, What Child is This

Day 23-24) John 3:16~ world, Joy to the World

Blessings in the Mundane

A year ago, I thought I had nothing to write about. My day-to-day life was... well... mundane. Laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, driving... there was nothing special there.

But see what God can do in a year! He has revealed to me how even the mundane can be special. There is joy in all that God has given us.

Which leads me to say... I love folding laundry! Or, excuse me, I REALLY ENJOY folding laundry. (see an earlier post, Love, for an explanation)

I know that admitting this will cause some of you to label me as 'mentally unsound', but hear me out! Let me show you how the chore of folding laundry can become a joyous task. 

First, my husband's boxers. Pardon my frankness, but the day I no longer have to fold my husband's boxers will be a sad one for me. I think back to my life ten years ago, and how things were so different. Before marriage, I never folded boxer shorts!

Then I hold up a shirt that I think is my husband's, before realizing that it belongs to my son! How much he has grown-- he is halfway to sixteen! Contrasting, I fold several of the baby's clothes, and marvel at how my firstborn has gone from a tiny 7-pound baby to a grown boy.

And that is how I fold laundry. I don't stop at every piece of clothing (because then I would never be done!) but a pair of pants or a shirt may remind me of a funny moment in the day with my two-year-old, or a favorite dress of my daughter reminds me of her spunky personality. By the time I am done, there are six piles of clothes around me, reminding me of the six biggest blessings in my life.

And so, this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for the mundane.

I am thankful for the moments in the minivan full of kids when we can talk, sing, and laugh-- even in traffic.

I am thankful that I have a minivan that is working and reliable.

I am thankful, oh so thankful, that I don't have to wash clothes by hand.

I am thankful for the floors in the house that I can vacuum and sweep.

I am thankful for a refrigerator and pantry full of food.

I am thankful for the one-on-one time on the changing table that ends in a giggle and a hug.

And of course, I am thankful for the bigger things: a loving and faithful husband, five healthy happy children, my own health, a caring church community, and my God and Savior Jesus Christ. 

Wherever you may be, and whatever your situation, I wish you a happy Thanksgiving!

An Extra Dose of Kindness

Oh, 'tis the season!

We've been cooped up in the house for a week. The older girls had a cold, followed by my son waking up in the middle of the night with flu-like symptoms, and as soon as he was done with that, both boys caught the cold from the girls!

Things in our house haven't felt the same- a little more edginess, a few more thorns. So far, I remain healthy, though my husband now has the cold. Tired and worn bodies equal tired and worn spirits, and we have done all we could to keep grumpy children from turning every situation into a fight or temper tantrum. I have to say that, all in all, my husband and I have been successful, by putting on our silly personas at times, tag-teaming when needed, and being even more intentional with our attitudes and words. And we have found that the best medicine, for everyone, was an extra dose of kindness. When our patience was near its end, we dug deep for more patience and helped ease a child through a moment of frustration and crankiness. And when we felt too tired to be polite to each other, we still found the energy to say, "Please" and "Thank you."

That's what happened to me two nights ago. After having just drifted off to sleep, my husband woke me and said, "The baby pooped. Should I change her?" Still half-asleep, I mumbled something, which my husband interpreted as, "Yes, she needs to be changed." What I really wanted was to be left alone to sleep. Anyway, my husband changed the baby, which woke her completely, which meant that she realized she was hungry, which of course meant that I couldn't continue sleeping. So I got up, brought the baby to the bed, and noticed that my husband didn't know how to re-swaddle her. Everything in me wanted to fume and grumble. But good for me, I sat and nursed the baby without a word. Finally, I reached over to pat my husband's hand and said, "Thank you for changing the baby."

When I'm tired, it is all too easy to snap at the person closest to me. But my husband and children don't deserve that, and my being tired is certainly no excuse! Sickness, on top of weariness, generates a mean spirit in our home, but I try to tear that down, instead of building on it. Though the weather outside is cold and dreary, I want to brighten up the weather inside!

I hope everyone in your household is well. And if you are a parent running on minimal sleep, changing the sheets after a child threw up at 2am, or fighting the symptoms yourself, I pray extra patience and strength for you!

Good Tidings

 I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Luke 2:10

Last year, my husband and I started what some would call an art ministry at our church. Our goal was to encourage the visual artists (graphic designers, sculptors, painters, quilters...) to think about using their gift to serve the Body. Our first project was Christmas-themed art to decorate the walls of the sanctuary. This is our second year of doing this. I'm excited to see what our artists contribute!

My piece is watercolor and collage (and a bit of my daughter's glitter glue). 

Wall of Wisdom

It's my birthday today!

And as always, on my birthday, I can't help but reflect on past birthdays. For my seventh birthday, I received the entire set of the Little House books. I was ecstatic! My twenty-second birthday was spent in the frigid gym of the high school, trying to survive parent-teacher conferences after only three days on the job. (I could hardly remember the names of my students! Definitely embarrassing when a parent is talking to you about his or her child and you have no idea whom he or she is talking about!)

Three years ago, my husband was laid off on my birthday.

Two years ago, we were living with my in-laws, and we also celebrated the addition of our second son.

And last year, I was able to host a potluck in our new home. My guest list that night was very intentional, ranging from single female friends in their twenties to friends with young children to empty-nesters in their fifties and sixties. I had heard once that every person should have in his or her life 'people who walk before you, people who walk with you, and people who walk behind you.' Those were the people with whom I wanted to celebrate that night. Since then, several have moved away, but they are all still very dear to my heart.

Do you have people like that in your life? Growing up, I didn't have friends to whom I could confide, and I didn't have any mentors, though I certainly could have used one! I drifted blindly through high school and college, trying to live a Godly life without really knowing what that meant. Only in recent years have I made a great effort to surround myself with my 'wall of wisdom', people whom I can bounce things off of. They are people of Godly wisdom and great life experience, people with a spirit of integrity and humbleness. I can trust these people to guide me in the direction God would want me to go and teach me how to live for His glory. And then, in turn, I can be a 'wall of wisdom' to those younger than me.

I'm glad to say that today, on my birthday, I am in a better place because of those people in my life. What a journey it has been, the past thirty-three years!

Links to Check Out

I don't wish to be self-promoting, but I'd like to provide links to some of my published works, not just so you can read my writing, but also find new sources of insight and Biblical wisdom from other writers. Both the Kyria and MOPS website have articles that you can access and are especially pertinent to Christian women. Enjoy!

What's in a Name?

Once Upon a Time...

I Was Made to Worship (originally titled 'To Become Like Little Children')

A Recent Dialogue

Me: God, why do I have to deal with this?! I hate having to worry about where our income comes from!

God: Rita, do you think I wouldn't give you the little things you need? Did you forget that I gave My life for you? I love you! So stop worrying!

What My Newborn Taught Me

Knowing that God designed everything with intention, I have been thinking often about 'family'. God could have designed people to be born from eggs, but He chose the most intimate way possible, in the womb. He could have created people to be born alone and capable of survival, but He chose to provide parents to care for the baby, born helpless and vulnerable. He could have commanded people to live and serve each other in a life of single hood, but He blessed marriage and family life. The more I think about the purpose of family, the more my eyes are opened to all that God wants us to learn from our familial relationships. I've already mentioned in a previous post how much I have learned from nine years of marriage. Then I watch my children interact with each other, and I see how they learn about selflessness, grace, and friendship while growing up with siblings. And the relationship that, for me, is the most profound of all is the one between parent and child. It is from being a parent that I have gained the most insight into my own relationship with God. It is an ocean that will take a lifetime to explore, and many years to write about.

But, since I am not yet ready to write a book on the subject, I will simply share with you a moment I had with my newborn. Still marveling at her miniature stature, I will oftentimes sit and stare at her while she sleeps. And there she lies, a cute bundle who does little more than eat, sleep, and look around with a perplexed expression on her face when she is awake. And yet, I am overwhelmed by the love I feel for this little person; it's a love that would compel me to sacrifice my life for her, though she has done, and can do, nothing for me in return. I would stop at nothing to save her from harm.

And right there, is a portrait of Jesus on the cross. I don't know why He loves me, when He gains nothing from loving me, except to be with me. 

Mothers and Daughters

I remember

How you brushed and braided my long, long hair

And someday

I will do the same for you

How you gently bathed me

Quietly carried me

Patiently fed me

Selflessly cared for me 

In the middle of the night when I was ill

How you held my hand as I took unsteady steps

How you held me close until peace fell over me

And someday

I will do the same for you

My 7 Pound, 10 Ounce Miracle

Her slim but tiny fingers, complete with tiny fingernails.

Her smile, punctuated by dimples in each cheek, in the midst of curious baby dreams.

Her smooth, soft skin, and that smell that one can't quite pinpoint as anything but 'new baby' smell.

I am holding my little miracle (which means, yes, I'm typing this one-handed), born on October 5th at 8:36pm. This may be my fifth child, but I am still filled with awe when I see this new person who has entered my life. She was inside me, though I did not put her there. She was knitted together, though not by my hands. And she surpasses my workmanship by far. How can this be, I wonder? But then, I already know the answer.

I was surprised when my water broke, since I had three weeks left to go. But it was God's perfect timing. My labor was short, but painful because the baby was posterior (back labor or 'sunny-side-up', as some call it). But I thank God that she came out without forceps or surgery, and without harm to herself. We also discovered that her umbilical cord was tied in a perfect knot, like a strangely-colored pretzel. I know now what could have happened to this child before she was even born, and by God's hand, she was protected and delivered into the arms of her parents, healthy and whole.

My little miracle, my little sparrow... oh, God is so amazing!

Men, Women, and So Much More

This past weekend, my husband attended a men's conference at our church. The keynote speaker was Dr.David Eckman, Ph.D, Old Testament scholar, theologian, professor, author- just to name a few of the many hats he wears. I myself have never heard Dr. Eckman speak, but my husband is always astounded and inspired by his knowledge, wisdom, and insight, and my husband came home with much to share with me. Did you know that...

when God made man, the word used in Scripture is 'shaped', as in a pot (Genesis 2:7), but when God made woman, the word used is 'fashioned ', as in a work of art (Genesis 2:22)?

the word for 'helper' does not mean an assistant or sidekick, but a divine helper, much like God is a helper to man (Genesis 2:18)?

when God made man and woman in His image, He purposefully gave some of His character traits to man and others to woman, so they can complement each other (Genesis 2:24)?

Whether you are a man or a woman, you can see that God's design was for men and women to have specific roles, to respect each other, and to work together for His kingdom. Women are not mere afterthoughts, nor are they ornaments or stepping stones for men. They bring beauty, emotion, and a unique facet into a man's life. And men, who, in our culture, have to fight against ramped-up sexuality and dumbed-down views of themselves, need to know that they were created to be purpose-driven, and that their place in the world is to build, lead, and care for people. If he is married, his wife is his greatest ally.

Now, my husband also shared this statistic with me (not that I usually believe in statistics, because most things in life cannot be summed up in a mere number, but this one is worth mentioning): 

When married and single men and women are asked "How happy are you?", married men rate at the top and married women rate at the #3 slot, with single women in the #2 slot and single men at the bottom. 

Regardless of the millions of factors that result in this statistic, I am shocked that married women are not right up there with the married men. How many women feel that their marriage is lacking? That their emotional needs are not met by their husband? Do they feel like nothing more than housecleaners, dishwashers, chauffeurs, cooks, and nannies? Do they really think to themselves, 'My life would be better if I hadn't married this man?' 

Well then, it is time to change all that!

Ladies, I don't know what your marriage is like, and I will not give you '5 Steps to a Perfect Marriage', but I can share with you what I've discovered during my nine years of seeking after a Godly marriage. These are lessons I've learned, and am still learning, and they do make a difference in my marriage- not by changing my husband, but by changing me.

The first is: see your husband as God sees him. Yes, your husband is different from you, but how can those differences be used to build up your marriage, your family, and the Kingdom? Encourage him to cultivate his God-given talents, through praise, not nagging, and allow him to be a leader. Don't expect your husband to be a copy of you, then get disappointed when he fails! When I am aware of my husband's strengths, I know how I can rely on him, and when I need to communicate better how he can help me. (For more, read my post My BFF.)

The second is: seek God's purpose for yourself, and find value in the things you do. If you know that your place is by your husband's side, or in the driver's seat of the minivan with a carpool of kids, you will find new joy in even the littlest things. (For more, read my post Sacred Days.)

Marriage is the most difficult human relationship to nurture, but it can also be the deepest and most fulfilling. Yes, it is not effortless. I have to fight my natural urge to make demands, or whine and complain. I've discovered that I'm often passive-aggressive. I still have days when I wish my husband could read my mind, but that thought crosses my mind less and less. As I watch my husband grow as a father and as a Godly man, my respect and admiration also grows. And I know I'm growing too. I can see how we fit like locking puzzle pieces, and together, we make the picture whole.

The Ones Left Behind

(This post is a companion to 'Prayer is My Weapon, Heaven My Hope')




I see the wonder in my baby's eyes
The joy behind his frequent smiles
Hope already by his side in this blessed wealth


I feel the kicking of my baby's feet
The burst of life inside of me
The comfort that we both can be expecting perfect health


But I think about the others,
Yes my heart breaks for the others,
And I can't forget the others who will live with never knowing peace


The ones left behind
The ones broken by war
The ones forgotten
The ones torn apart by pain


I know my children can sleep through the night
With no fear for their young lives
No bullet rain, no bomb-filled sky descending on our home


I thank the Lord that we have food to eat
We can't complain that we're hungry
A feast as far as I can see, abundance overgrown


But I think about the others,
Yes my heart breaks for the others,
And I can't forget the others who will live with never knowing peace


The ones left behind
The ones paralyzed by fear
The ones rejected
The ones driven out by hate


Why are children bearing arms?
Why are children going hungry?
Why are children being sold?
Why are children wearing bruises?


The ones left behind
The ones forgotten
The ones rejected
The ones left behind

Prayer is My Weapon, Heaven My Hope

My heart is heavy right now.

I just read about a young Iranian pastor, Youcef Nadarkhani, who is awaiting execution for not renouncing his Christian faith. His wife was arrested, but released, and his two sons, ages 9 and 7, are unharmed.

I can never grasp, never understand, never even fathom how one person can do this to another. I am blessed to live in a safe environment, but all around me, people torture and kill other people. Children are raped, women are abused, cities are bombed and tribes slaughtered.

My heart is heavy.

God never intended life to be like this. He never intended for His children to fall asleep at night, not knowing if they will wake up in the morning. He never intended lives full of fear, suffering, or rejection. Yes, I know that the young pastor and his family are trusting their Lord and His intentions, that God can fill them with His abundant peace in the midst of the storm, but I still feel a shallowness of breath inside me, because

my heart is heavy.

And I feel helpless. Helpless to heal the world full of brokenness. Helpless to stop the rampant injustice. Helpless to send rain on dying fields.

But I am reminded of the current circumstances in the world, outside of my bubble, and I feel the connection to those in the Body, no matter how far or near. And I am drawn to God, to beseech Him on behalf of my Iranian brother, and to Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. (I Thessalonians 5:16-18)

My heart is heavy, but prayer is my weapon, and heaven my hope.