Healthy God-Esteem

She had a generous spirit

That her mother called 'naive'

He had the heart of a peace-maker

That his father called 'just weak'

She overflowed with joyfulness

But her teacher called her 'silly'

The Lord gives us a beautiful gift

But the world knows how to kill it.

Just a little ditty I wrote one day as I was reliving childhood memories. I realized then that I have been trained to go against many of my natural inclinations. I watch my children's personalities emerge and I see how each one reminds me of myself in some way… my oldest daughter's generous nature, my youngest daughter's joy, my oldest son's analytical mind, and my youngest son's stubbornness. I can see how each quality can be both beneficial and detrimental, but in me, the focus was always on the negative. Being generous was not good if I was giving away too much. Spontaneity was never a good thing; everything should be planned out. But now I wonder, if God made me who I am, shouldn't I revel in that? Of course, being overly naive can be dangerous, but the voice I hear in my mind says "Beware, the world is out to get you!" The voice is stifling, and it's made me paranoid.

I understand that the adults in my life were trying to protect me and teach me to be street-wise (to the point of being cynical), but stories associated with Jesus tell of a woman who was overly generous with her perfume, of a tax collector returning stolen money plus interest, of a man stopping in a dangerous area to help an enemy. Jesus's example shows that in order to love people, one cannot be afraid of them. I want the Spirit's voice to overpower the other voice in my head. I want my Father to smile because I gave money to the homeless man, even when others say "Don't help that man, he's just taking advantage of your kindness." I want to be extravagant, not stingy, in my love, and I want to become wholly the person God made me to be.

This has become my main focus in homeschooling my children. My husband and I have many other reasons for choosing to homeschool (which I may write about another day), but what I really wish to see in my children is a polishing of the personality that God has given each of them, by taking their weaknesses and building them up, and taking their strengths and channeling them towards serving God's kingdom. Of course, many children graduate from main-stream schools as healthy individuals, but I feel that it's a lottery. Will this year's teacher appreciate my child as an individual? Will my child be strong against peer pressure and negative comments? Too often, teachers resort (consciously or unconsciously) to labeling: energetic students are troublemakers and ADD candidates; quiet children are 'good', or shy, or antisocial; gentle boys are girly or wimpy (and that's saying it nicely). I don't want to give the world a chance to crush the spirit of my children like it crushed mine.

My prayer is that my children will grow up to be safe and smart, but also overly kind, gentle, joyful, generous, and thoughtful. People may observe our family and think we're crazy, but that's okay. I'd rather be crazy for God than be sane for the world.


Postscript: What do I mean by "God-esteem"? We talk about "self-esteem" all the time, especially when it comes to our children. To have a healthy self-esteem means to think of yourself in a positive way, that the overall opinion of yourself is good. We want our children to grow up knowing that they deserve respect, that they are capable, and that they should be proud of who they are. But rather than teach my children to have a healthy self-esteem, I teach them to have a healthy God-esteem. This puts the child's focus on the person God made them to be, not who the child thinks he/she should be. The child deserves respect not because he/she is better than other people, but because God made him/her and loves him/her (as He made and loves everyone in the world). The child is capable not by his/her own strength and doing, but by the talents and gifts God gave him/her.