Redefining Normal

A few weeks ago, a friend was over with her three children for a playdate. This friend had grown up in an interesting environment; she was raised Quaker among Berkeley hippies. Never one to call herself typical, she now finds herself living in middle-class suburbia and asking questions that she never even thought to ask before she was a mother.

"What do you tell your kids about modesty?" she asked me as our conversation meandered from karaoke contests to family life. "At what age do you stop allowing your children to bathe together?"

The answer that came to me on the spot was, "We teach the children about privacy, especially between genders. After the age of five, we don't allow brothers and sisters to bathe together. But I don't mind if my girls are in the room when I'm changing my clothes."

"Basically," I continued, "we teach them what other people would expect them to do. They can't go to another person's house and just walk in on someone in the bathroom. If we were living in among hippies, if might be a different matter."

At the time, I thought it was a good answer, at least in the context of our conversation. But now I'm smacking myself on the forehead, because, really, how much of what I do is considered 'normal' anyway?! I don't parent based on what the rest of the world does, but on what the Bible teaches! It was a missed opportunity to discuss with my friend how we are both atypical parents, but in very different ways.

Sometimes I have to tell my children that what we do day in and day out and consider 'normal' is not 'normal' to the rest of the world. As my children grow older, I find myself having more of these conversations. The day will come when my son asks, "When can I have my own iPhone and Facebook account?" My daughter will want to go to the Prom or buy a bikini. And I will have to talk again about how we are not 'normal' people.

Or maybe, by then, I will have taught them well enough that they will have a new sense of 'normal'. I pray that as my child grow into young adults, they will have the courage and wisdom to make a stand as Godly, atypical, people.