When I Grow Up

Permit me a moment to brag about my friend Sharon. She had sent me such a sweet, hand-written note with her Christmas card, that I feel the need to tell you about her.

After years of homeschooling her four children, Sharon "graduated" and turned her focus to mentoring women and growing as a leader. She spoke at MOPs meetings, led Bible studies, and attended Bible classes and conferences. So when our church was in need of a new leader for the women's ministry, Sharon was the obvious choice.

Now what is surprising to those who do not know Sharon well is that Sharon is very much an introvert. She would be the first to tell you that she doesn't have the dominant personality that people would associate with a natural leader. Quiet and shy, Sharon prefers to be behind-the-scenes cooking and baking for church events. She and I have much in common! 

But I have heard her share about her personal struggles and her desire to be obedient to God, which has led her to where she is now– a pastor to women, a speaker, a daughter of God following the words of Titus 2:3-5. And as I have gotten to know her through our Bible study group and our women's discipleship time, I can say that, without a doubt, Sharon is who I want to be "when I grow up". My ambition is not to be her successor at our church, but to live in such a way that I could be a candidate.

As 2017 quickly approaches, I find myself thinking about my goals for the new year. One goal is to be purposeful in taking steps toward "growing up", with women like Sharon as my role models and mentors. Then in twenty years, I hope to be more kind, more patient, more wise, more bold, and more gracious than I was in 2016. I hope to be someone that young women can look up to. In short, I hope to be more like Christ.

Mary's Lullaby

[In addendum to my earlier post 'The Great Mystery', I wrote this song. 

"What was Mary thinking as she held Jesus in her arms?"]

Sleep baby sleep

I softly kiss your cheek

Dare I believe that this is the face of God I see

Sleep baby sleep

And tell me what you dream

In your mind's eye do you see both now and eternity?

Every time I hold your hands, every time you breath

I can hardly understand this awesome mystery

But even more mysterious is why God chose to be

Small and frail enough for me to hold him close to me

Sleep baby sleep

While in your face I seek

The face of my redeemer, the one to bring us peace

Sleep baby sleep

And hear this melody

But in my song do you hear the prayers of humanity?

Every time I hold your hands, every time you breath

I can hardly understand this awesome mystery

But even more mysterious is why God chose to be with us

This baby sleeping in the straw

Is the Great I am

A Great Light

Home for the Holidays?

"How was your Thanksgiving?" I asked the man behind the check-out counter.

"It was enjoyable," he replied. "I was with my friends and we had a good time."

"Oh, is your family not local?" I asked sympathetically.

"Oh, they're local. I just don't like being with them. It's always drama when I'm with them and this year I wanted some peace."

This scenario is becoming all too common. Mention "going home for the holidays" and you will get a number of scowls and frowns. How sad it is that so many people grew up in a house that was full of anger, abuse, or abandonment. They would never want to sing, "I'll...be home...for Christmas." Some don't even have a home to go to anymore because their parents are divorced or estranged.

Christmas is the perfect time to open your doors to these people. Invite them into the warmth of your home. You don't have to put on a big party or make a fancy dinner. Just think the three C's: coffee, cookies, and conversation. Start by getting to know them and making yourself available. Show them through your actions what a loving home is like. Then when the time is right, share with them the fourth and most important C: Christ. If a person grew up in a broken home, only God can heal them of those wounds.

And if you are the one groaning at the thought of going home for Christmas, but you are going anyway, pray for your time with your family. God can do miraculous things! Pray that you will be the peacemaker, the one showing God's grace. Remember the words of James 1:19: Know this, my beloved brothers, let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger.

One more thought for this holiday season: Christmas is a bittersweet time for those who have lost loved ones. In the last month, four of my friends have lost parents. Others have lost loved ones earlier in the year. Be tenderhearted towards those who feel especially lonely right now and need extra love. Look for opportunities great and small to shine some light in their darkness!

The Great Mystery

One of the greatest perks of having a new baby is that the mystery of Christmas becomes almost tangible.

On the day after Thanksgiving, after chopping down our Christmas tree at a tree farm in the mountains, I was riding in the van next to the baby when one of my favorite Christmas songs came on. As Joy Williams sang the words "It's still a mystery to me that the hands of God could be so small," I looked down at my own baby's hands. He was holding my fingers, playing with me and delighting in his new skill of grasping. 

God?! As a baby?!

It struck me with the force of an ocean's wave. I started to cry just at the thought.

Because God being born as a human is like stuffing the universe into a jar. How did He do it? That's the great mystery.

I feel almost blasphemous saying that God was once a squirmy, giggly, chubby baby who slept in his mother's arms, except that it was true. Why did He do it? Another great mystery.

It overwhelms me. And every time I look at my baby I ponder on it afresh.

I've included a Youtube video of Joy Williams singing 'Here With Us' so that you too can listen to the lyrics and ponder on Christmas. (Alert- The video includes some beautiful footage from the movie 'The Nativity Story', but it ends with scenes from 'Jesus of Nazareth' showing Jesus being crucified. It's a great juxtaposition, but for some like myself, the crucifixion is difficult to watch. If that is your case, you can watch the video just until the last of the three magi give their gifts.)

Good Medicine

My neighbor was recently hospitalized for pneumonia. When she came home, she was slower and weaker than before and had trouble walking and lifting things.

I started going over everyday to do little things for her: bring her homemade cornbread, take out her garbage, fix her toilet seat cover. I usually went alone, but on Sunday I brought my baby with me. He was in a cheery mood and I knew that I could just lay him on a bed while I do a few things.

At the door, my neighbor was surprised and delighted to see the baby! While I took out the garbage, I left the baby on the bed so he and my neighbor could have an exchange of smiles and conversation. And when it was time to leave, my baby kept talking all the way to the door. It was such a sweet moment.

Later, I told my husband about our little visit. My husband gave the baby a squeeze and said, "Good medicine. He is good medicine."

So parents, don't think that having children means you have to give up serving. Children are great conversation starters! Take your children to visit the elderly, take them to the store, take them to church, take them anywhere where there are people who are lonely. Ignore the popular opinion that children are a nuisance. They are good medicine– a blessing, a joy, a gift from God.

Happy Thanksgiving!

From Your Little Sparrow

Dear Dad,

You know how my muscles were clenched as I talked to the mechanic about the minivan. You know how I was trying to discretely scan the paper work, looking for the cost. You know how my hand was on my wallet, ready to give the man my credit card, the same credit card that was recently charged with several thousand dollars to pay for my son's surgery.

What a sweet blessing it was then when the mechanic said, "There is no cost today." I don't know why there was no cost. He had spent at least an hour checking our van for a possible broken part. He had found nothing. He could have charged us for wasting his time and I wouldn't have blamed him! But he loved us as one brother loves another. And my smile and quiet "thank you" hardly conveyed the relief and joy I felt.

Dad, you know the unexpected expenses we have had this year. You know every penny. But you also know that I almost cried when I climbed into my minivan, with the words "There is no cost" still ringing in my ears. And if I had cried, you would have counted every tear, because you care for me. You cared enough to provide in a large ways with extra work for my husband and piano lessons for me. And you cared enough to provide in the little ways, like today.

I love you, Dad. Thank you for always watching out for me.

Love,

Your Little Sparrow

Thankful All Year Round

Leaves are covering our lawn and our Thankful Tree is up. It's the season of the harvest, the time of year when Americans celebrate the holiday of Thanksgiving.

Though Thanksgiving has become mostly a holiday of feasting, football, and mega-sales, I am still grateful for this day because it reminds me to take the time to give thanks to God for everything I have. Sometimes I am so caught up in the busyness of everyday living that I forget to be thankful, and then I find myself growing more and more grumpy and whiny.

I wish my house was newer!
Why can't my children give me five minutes of peace?!
My husband forgot that… again!

It is so easy to slip into that mode of thinking when I am focusing on myself rather than the Giver, forgetting that the people and things in my life are gifts of kindness from God's gracious hands. I don't deserve any of it. And even if I did, I certainly do not deserve it in abundance. Yet God chooses to give me more: seven children, a wonderful kind husband, a home, new life and purpose through His Son.

Everyday is a gift, and every moment a token of God's mercy upon me. I want to practice being thankful all year round,  and never again be envious or discontent.

Let us come into His presence with thanksgiving; 

let us make a joyful noise to Him with songs of praise! 

~Psalm 95:2

*The Thankful Tree is something my family does every year. The children and I (or anyone who comes to our home) write something for which we are thankful for on a leaf. Then the leaf is moved from the ground to a branch. "It's like fall in reverse!" said one of my kids. The poster stays up for weeks  to encourage the children to keep thinking about being thankful. I love seeing a new leaf pop back onto the tree and reading what people write!

No Condemnation

Last night, as I was up nursing, I suddenly remembered a friend of mine. She had said that she needed to talk and would call me, but that was a week ago and I had forgotten all about it. So I took a minute to pray for her, and started to pray for myself, when I suddenly stopped.

If I had kept going, I would have prayed something like this: 

Dear God, I am so sorry for forgetting to pray. Please forgive me. I want to be better at this. I'm so bad at remembering these things.

But surprisingly, these are the words that came out instead: 

Thank you Lord for reminding me to pray for my friend. Thank you for your Spirit that connects us.

What happened?

For years, I had continually approached the throne of God believing that I was still covered in guilt and shame. Anytime I failed to live up to His standards, I would beat myself up, beg for forgiveness, and vow to do better next time. This cycle went on for years.

But the Bible says, "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death." (Romans 8:1-2)

And only now, after so many years of knowing these words in my head, the truth has entered my heart and I am breaking free of my bad habits. I know that I am still going to fail at times, but God is not keeping a record of my wrongs in a book and waving a whip over my head for the times I mess up. He sees me as one redeemed by His Son; my wrongs are covered by Jesus's cloak of righteousness. My life's song is not one of guilt and shame; it is a song of God's love and mercy. 

For God so loved the world that He gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. ~John 3:16-17

I love these verses and I am thankful for this new understanding. Today is my birthday, and I am going to spend the day lingering on these words.

Another Orbit Around the Sun

My birthday comes in a few days. I will have completed thirty-eight orbits around the sun. 

Thirty-eight. 

It sounds old and mature. But I still have a long way to go.

Just this morning I found myself wanting to scream and throw something because the two-year-old was wasting tissue and toilet paper and flushing things down the toilet. I feel that the older I get, the more "stuck in the rut" I get. My old habits burrow deeper into my heart, like a disgusting leech or a blood-sucking tick.

But just as I am about to label myself as a hopeless case, I think about where I was eight years ago. On my thirtieth birthday, my husband lost his job. A few weeks later, our hearts broke when we learned certain truths about our pastor and our church closed its doors. Several months after that, we packed up all our belongings and moved out of our dear little house and in with my in-laws.

Needless to say, my thirtieth birthday was the beginning of a difficult year for me.

But it was also the start of new growth– growth that brought me out of my shell, made me vulnerable and open again, and has drawn me closer to God than ever before. I now have wonderful, healthy relationships with brothers and sisters in the Body, people who will both encourage and challenge me. I am being discipled by older women. I am more attentive to the Spirit, so even when I do fail (which is still every day, several times a day), I am quicker to acknowledge my sin and repent. Though I didn't know it at the time, the crushing feeling I endured through the hard times only made me softer and more humble.

I still have branches that need pruning, such as the Envy branch, the Selfish branch, and the Impatient branch, but I can look back and see God's Hand cutting away the dead parts of my heart while still blessing me with things that I don't deserve. And so, if nothing else, I am more grateful this birthday than I have ever been before.

When I turned thirty-seven, I had no idea what was in store for me. I would have never imagined Baby #7 joining our family! Who knows what this birthday will usher in? (surely not Baby #8… ) I look forward to the surprises that await me in the coming year!

The 'D' Word

Recently, I've been writing a lot about my newborn. It's understandable. Newborns are just so adorable, not to mention all-consuming.

But the day will come when my innocent child will not be so 'innocent' anymore. Though I love seeing my children's personalities emerge, I don't look forward to the day when a child knowingly defies me for the first time. Like many parents, I wish I didn't have to deal with the 'D' word: discipline.

Why do we as parents dread that word? Why does it make us cringe when we say it? "I must discipline my child" just sounds bad, doesn't it? But maybe it's because we associate the word with spankings, removal of privileges, and other forms of punishment. 'Disciplinary actions' are never a good thing.

However, the root of the word 'discipline' is the same as the word 'disciple'. So if we think of discipline as training, teaching, and the making of disciples, we will see that it goes way beyond the correction of bad behavior. In fact, all we do for our children can be counted as discipline. Teaching your child to make his/her bed is discipline. Rebuking him/her for hitting a sibling is discipline. Modeling daily study of the Word is discipline. Think of an Olympic athlete disciplining himself in preparation for a competition. Discipline in this sense has a positive, not negative, connotation. Similarly, just as the athlete must discipline himself in all areas of his life, the discipline of a child should extend to every area of the child's life.

This is why I sometimes find it difficult to answer parents'  questions on discipline. First, every child is different. There is no one method of discipline. Second, most parents ask about discipline wanting a 'quick fix' formula. Again, if discipline is about more than a punishment, we need to understand that discipline really happens outside of the-moment-when-I-lose-my-patience. Discipline (in every form)  should happen in three stages.

The first stage is the preparatory stage. This means giving the child a clear, precise explanation of what is expected of him/her. Oftentimes, parents give ambiguous directions like "Be on your best behavior" or "Act appropriately". "No running or shouting" before entering the library or "Remember to say 'Please' and 'Thank you'" before a visit at someone's house gives the child an action to focus on. Instead of saying "Clean you room", make a list like "Put the dirty laundry in the hamper... Put your books on the shelf…" 

This stage is also the time to state the consequences for obedience or disobedience. The child should know exactly what he/she is to do and what will follow if he/she chooses to obey or disobey. It is very important that whatever you state as punishment or reward is something that you can actually carry out (In other words, don't say, "Come now or I will leave you here.")

Next comes the action stage. This is simply the stage where the child acts and the parent responds. Your job is to be on the look out and be ready to respond positively when you see your child doing as you had instructed, or to follow through with correction or punishment if he/she does not. You MUST follow through with the punishment (and I don't recommend counting to three before you do so). There are times for grace, but your child must learn that he/she has crossed a boundary and will receive consequences for doing so.

The third stage is the evaluation stage. This may also be the reconciliation stage, if punishment was dealt, angry words exchanged, or forgiveness required (from the parent and/or for the parent). If all went well, it is good to praise your child once more. Tell him/her how you felt ("I was proud of you when…" or "It helps me when you…") and ask questions ("Did you notice how Grandma was happy when you offered to clear the table?") My husband and I always praise our children when they were well-behaved guests at a restaurant or someone's house to remind them that their behavior DOES make an impact on other people. 

If things did not go so well, wait until you are calm before talking to your child. Then ask the child about changes that could be made next time. (Were you ambiguous? Were you unjust?) Talk about strategies to help your child do a better job next time. Share stories about when you were young and went through a similar situation. And MOST IMPORTANTLY, fix your broken relationship with a hug, kiss, and "I love you." Remind your child that the punishment is a part of teaching and training and that God gave parents a specific job to do. If you said any angry words or threw a temper tantrum yourself, ask forgiveness from your child. Tell him/her that you are learning too.

This sounds like a lot of work, but each stage usually only takes one or two minutes. And believe me, it is a much better approach than feeling exasperated and hopeless as you watch your child do the same naughty thing again and again (and you watch yourself lose your patience again and again.) 

Lastly, remember that discipline means making disciples, which also means that we are to be models of God's unconditional love and grace. Your child will never be perfect, but we can forgive and encourage growth, because God our Father does the same for us.

The Real Reason Why My House is a Mess

It was 5pm. The children were playing outside. The baby was content. It was time to get in the kitchen and start dinner.

I had fully intended to leave the baby with his eldest sister, but as I lay him on the couch, he flashed a huge smile at me before I could turn away. 

Too late. My insides melted.

I turned again to leave, but he flashed his gummy smile once more. Suddenly, I was on my knees making goofy faces back at him.

Then he began talking in his little baby language, and I knew I was his captive. I could do nothing but kiss his soft cheeks over and over and laugh as he enthusiastically flapped his arms and kicked his legs like an Olympic swimmer. After a lengthy conversation of 'goo's and 'ah's, I swept up the baby in my arms again.  

What's the use? I can't fight it. I'm completely in love with this little boy.

So next time you come to my house and it looks like I haven't cleaned, washed, or cooked anything, remember, I have a valid excuse: I had a baby recently. 

And I just can't stop cuddling him.

Comfort and Peace

His chest rises and falls
Rises and falls
Rises and falls

As he lies in my arms
All his weight
His whole twelve pounds
Rest on my strength alone

There is nothing he wants more in this world
Than the comfort of love
And the peace he finds
In his mother's arms

And if I could
I would
Stop turning to objects, memories, desires, experiences
Even people with the best intentions

This is all I want
To lean
To rest
All my weight
On the only One

To know the same comfort
To know the same peace
That can only be found
In my Father's arms

Ashamed of My House

Sigh. What do people think of us when they see our house?

Boards in the fence are either missing or hanging on for dear life. The lawn is dead (brown is the new green, right?), which gives our faded-orange-sherbet house a very monochromatic, tired look. The kitchen is also tired, so much so that the dishwasher, faucet, stove, and cabinets seem to be giving up on us, one by one. Cracks and holes in the walls cry out for patching and a fresh coat of paint. The backyard is in its usual state of chaos, like the rest of the house– the house full time of mismatched, hand-me-down furniture and loud, energetic children.

We are the "ugly" house on our street. The "poor" family. "Those" neighbors. Sometimes, I admit, I am ashamed of my house. I wish it looked more shiny and welcoming. I wish I had more time and money to spend on landscaping, remodeling, and decorating. To steal a line from the musical 'Into the Woods', "I wish…"

Then a family from Iraq visits us. We have a wonderful, simple time together learning about each other's culture. Without knowing why, I start feeling a bit uncomfortable.

What do they think of us when they see our house?

A feeling of shame comes over me again, but not because my house isn't as lovely as I would like it to be, but because it is more than anything they have in Iraq.

Air conditioning and heat. Sturdy walls and a roof. Appliances that wash my clothes or heat my food and water. Four bedrooms, two bathrooms, and two living areas. A patch of lawn.

And this doesn't include the amazing food we eat, the general good health we experience, and the feeling of security we have.

I live a blessed life of ease and luxury.

But my Iraqi friends don't lecture me for our extravagance. They are grateful for our friendship and the hospitality we show them. And yet, I know that they have seen refugees run for their lives with nothing more than the clothes on their back. They live among the truly poor– people who live in cardboard houses in the dead of winter. Their church meets in a small building furnished with only old couches and folding chairs. And they are not ashamed to say, "Come visit us!"

It is my turn to be grateful– for renewed perspective, for brotherly love that knows no boundaries, and for a shame that leads to repentance and contentedness.

Fresh and Newborn

My newborn laughs in his sleep. It's a rare and surprising occurrence: his little voice suddenly cuts through the dark like a bright, twinkling star. Then, I can't help but laugh myself. His laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds in the world.

But my baby has a hernia on his right side, and when his intestines are in a kink he literally screams for relief. His cries pierce my heart, and there is little I wouldn't try to do to take away his pain forever.

No one (except the demented) looks at a baby and wishes pain upon him. We don't hope a sad and lonely future for him; we don't picture him someday becoming an alcoholic, a divorcé, or a soldier suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. 

No, there is something special about newborns. Whenever I go out with the baby, people melt and gush at the sight of the little person. This is because when we hold a newborn, we feel like we are stepping back into the Garden of Eden, where everything was fresh, new, untainted, and beautiful. Our relationships were whole and strong. All we knew was hope and love. We looked into the future and we saw only goodness. 

I understand now how my Father in heaven feels. He looks upon his Creation like I look at my baby. He wishes for us a future full of joy and goodness and days filled with laughter. So He did the most difficult act. To take away our pain. To renew our hope and love. And to make us like newborn babies again.

A Quiver Full

Last Christmas, I was invited to a dinner for our church's pastor's wives. It was a wonderful evening of fellowship and delicious food that made me feel honored and cared for. To top it off, after dessert, we were each presented with an Etsy gift card! I knew that I wanted to buy something extra meaningful as a reminder of that special night.

Not having ever shopped on Etsy, I spent weeks and weeks just browsing through the many categories on the website. How can I best spend my gift? Should I get a new hat? I do have a weakness for hats. Baby clothes? I don't really need any. Jewelry then? Hmmm…

Then I saw it. A simple necklace with a small arrow charm connecting the two ends of the chain. The words of Proverbs 127:3-5 came to mind:

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth.
Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

The necklace was exactly what I needed. I was feeling inadequate and anxious as I awaited the birth of the new baby, on top of already feeling guilt and remorseful for wanting more time to myself or for losing my patience with my children. And oftentimes, I allowed the fog of worldly minutia to distract me from what God intends for me as mom, wife and friend.

But this little arrow serves as a reminder of the many things I have learned this past year...

…that God has gifted me with seven children, and that my role is not simply to feed them and protect them, but to prepare them to "fly" out into the world. This is my main purpose now, in this season of my life, and God has not abandoned me in the midst of it.

…that to succeed as Mom, I don't need to be strong and perfect. To succeed as Mom, I only need to be a weak person in need of God's power. If my children are the arrows, then I am the bow, and it is God's strong arm and perfect aim that will make the arrows take flight and land where they should.

…that I am still growing and learning to be more like Christ, and God is ever patient with me. My children are also learning and growing to be more like Christ (among other things) and I need to be patient with them.

…that all I need to be Mom has already been given to me through the Holy Spirit. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, and mercy are at my disposal if only I ask for them.

… (last but most definitely not least) that as God is my model of grace and love, I am my children's model of grace and love.

A new school year is starting. I am well-stocked with pencils, crayons, scissors, and paper. And now I am confident that my spiritual tool box is well-stocked as well, with everything I need to make my quiver full of arrows fly!

From Baby to Young Man

I am holding my new baby, reveling in his little fingers, his perfect ears, his fuzzy downy head. He sleeps, he eats, and does little else, and still I am awed by him. I am especially awed when he so quickly stops crying when he is transferred to my arms. What a responsibility I have! And still I wonder, "Where did this masterpiece come from? Certainly not from inside me!" I know this child is mine, and yet I have this feeling that he is not really mine at all. He is a gift sent from above (his middle name 'Matthew' means 'gift from God'), placed ever so gently in my arms for safe keeping. Aren't babies such a wonderful introduction to parenthood?

Contrast him with my oldest boy, who was once a seven-pound sack of potatoes himself and is now as tall as me. He longs to be with his dad and his friends more than he longs to be with me. He faces the temptation to be on the computer all day, or to be lazy and self-centered. And he will soon (sooner than I like!) start thinking about leaving home. I almost can't believe that thirteen years ago this Saturday, I became a mother for the first time. Never could I have imagined then the man that my baby would become. I only saw an adorable, kissable, helpless (but sometimes very loud!) little person. I didn't know (not exactly anyway) what my role in his life was besides feeding, cleaning, and protecting him. I didn't understand then what it meant to guide this little person to manhood.

This is one of the benefits now of being a 'veteran' mom. When I see my newest bundle of joy, I am able to see beyond the chubby cheeks, flailing arms, and the cries for attention. I see past my days of breastfeeding and my nights of interrupted sleep. This little person will someday need guidance in making wise decisions, will someday need lessons in self-control, truthfulness, and diligence, will someday actually seek out independence– step by step he will start walking his own path until the day he sets out by himself.

And this is my task as mom. Each of my children has his journey to discover. Whether the child is nine days or thirteen years old, I am helping him on that journey, which, with much prayer, will lead him to the throne of the One who made him.

Call the Action League! (or More On Superpowers)

It all started with my son's green hooded bath towel. He would run around the house with the towel flapping behind him, stopping every now and then to practice his karate moves on a pillow or his sister. I nicknamed the little boy 'Green Ghost', which he quickly and enthusiastically embraced as his alter ego.

Soon his little sister joined him in his game (maybe she was tired of being the practice dummy). Her towel had an octopus on the hood, so I called her 'Octopus Girl'. My husband designed superhero logos for them and drew cartoon versions of them, and the two loved being the heroes of their own adventures.

Now we have superhero names for all the children. Green Ghost, Octopus Girl, Flaming Marshmallow, the Climbist, Flying Cupcake, and Skygazer are all part of what we call the Action League. And I am Mega-mama, married to my ever faithful partner Dada-tron. We each have a t-shirt with our personal logo on it. We even have a theme song ("Call the Action League!") We don't have full-blown costumes (at least not yet) but the Action League is something that defines us and unites us as a family. When my sixth child was born at home, his siblings decided together that they all need to wear their superhero T-shirts that day to welcome him into our family.

But there is something more to the Action League. Just as the Avengers, the Incredibles, or the members of Big Hero 6 must learn to use their individual strengths cooperatively in order to save the world, our little band can do great things if we acknowledge and cultivate each person's individual talents and practice using them in ways to build each other up. As each child joined our family, he/she brought something unique to contribute to the 'team'.

So when my more serious child begins to get annoyed with his sillier sibling, I remind him that his sibling's silliness can be a gift to him. My husband likes to point out each child's strengths, not as a way of comparison, but to say, "God designed you to be you! He has a specific plan for you!" My artistic children are not artistic in the same way. My musical children are not musical in the same way. Even my husband and I are not musical in the same way! And that's just the tip of the iceberg! We choose to practice showing appreciation, rather than aggravation, for the differences that we each bring to the marriage. Even a simple "Thank you for doing that" can be so encouraging!

And here's my favorite part. (You knew it was coming!) My family is a constant reminder of how the body of Christ is meant to function: as individuals unified through ultimate grace, with one purpose– to glorify God– and one goal– to spread the Gospel of His love. The apostle Paul writes about this in three of his epistles:

For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them… ~Romans 12:3-6a 

And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ… when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. ~Ephesians 4:11-16

Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. ~I Corinthians 12:4-7

(All of I Corinthians 12 is worth reading, especially in light of the fact that it leads directly into the famous 'Love Chapter'.)

So here's your assignment, if you choose to accept it. In your family, or your Bible study, or your circle of friends, or within your greater church body, how can you show appreciation for those whose gifts are different from yours? Is there any bitterness, envy, or annoyance that you need to confess? Any forgiveness or apologies that need to be given? And what is the action step you need to take from here in order to build up the Body in love?

How I Discovered My Superpowers

"This looks like a job for… Rita Baird!"

Okay, the truth is, I've never said that. And there is no Bat Signal illuminating the sky (I wouldn't see it anyway, since I prefer to sleep as much as I can when it's dark) or Jimmy Olson calling me on his signal watch (unless my husband changes his name to Jimmy and suddenly decides to get an iWatch). But when a friend needs a place to sleep, or a home-cooked meal, or a babysitter, or just some extra loving, my call to action is four simple words:

Sure, come on over!

It's your birthday? I'll whip up some chocolate cupcakes!

Your kids are here for a playdate? I can make cookies or popcorn.

Having a hard week? I'll double dinner and drop off a potpie and visit with you for a bit.

Who knew that under this ordinary-suburban-mom exterior were these amazing superpowers lying dormant all these years? 

Tsk, you scoff. That's not a superpower. Almost anyone can do that!

Which is true. My superpowers are not elasticity, invisibility, or telekinesis; rather, they are hospitality, flexibility, generosity, and a love for baking. But still, not everyone has those qualities! And there are plenty of things that I can NOT do. So while other people have their talents, I have mine, and I have recently realized that just because my talents are commonplace doesn't mean they are not special. With my specific God-given skill set, I can do all I can in the here and now to serve the people I come in contact with. The best part? I didn't need to be zapped by gamma rays (and turn mean and green) or get bitten by a radioactive spider (ew! and ouch!) to use my superpowers!

So, what are your superpowers? How has God uniquely shaped you? How can you use your talents to serve and build His Kingdom? Is there a step of faith that you have hesitated to take? Is now the time? 

"With great power comes great responsibility," right?

The Fruit of the Spirit is...

Becoming One

Fourteen years.

Fourteen years, seven children, five moves, four career changes.

One body.

If you ask me, "What is the greatest lesson you've learned in these past fourteen years of marriage?" I would say, "There are, in fact, two great lessons.

"The first is a lesson concerning my relationship with God. Through my marriage, God has shown me what unconditional love really means. My husband's love for me, in all the ways he forgives me and accepts me, is a tangible reflection of God's deep love for me. (All credit goes to my husband for being so diligent in loving me!)

"The second is a lesson concerning my relationship with my husband, that marriage doesn't work if the two people involved don't strive to be truly ONE. One path, one mind, one heart, one body… 'two becoming one' (Genesis 2:24) is foundational for a marriage to flourish."

And this doesn't happen right away. Fourteen years ago, my husband and I were two people with our own ideas and expectations of what our marriage would look like. I still wanted to do things the same way I've always done them. I was stubborn and proud, believing that what I had learned through my experiences in college and work could carry me through this new adventure. 

But what the world had taught me was counter to what my marriage needed. Having grown up in a feminist culture (and attending UC Berkeley on top of that), I believed that a woman is capable, with or without a man. Though a part of me still wanted very much to be a wife and stay-at-home mom, I strived to be strong, independent, and self-reliant– the modern woman. Which, in marriage, does not work so well, because marriage is not about living in the same space as your spouse. It is about sacrificing part of yourself in order to live the same life as your spouse.

I know now that being dependent on my husband is not a sign of weakness. Together, we are stronger. But in order to be dependent, I must give up some of my independence. I must let go of some of my identity as I am changed and shaped (for the better!) by this other person in my life. This is the only way to truly join our lives together: we mold ourselves to fit the other person. Picture two puzzle pieces– in some places, our curves fit together easily, but in other places, rough edges, bumps, and sharp points need to be sanded down and softened in order for the pieces to fit perfectly. This doesn't mean I'm shackling myself to my husband and becoming a mindless robot; it means I share my joys and burdens with him, that we combine our wisdom when it comes to decision-making, that I make sacrifices so that my husband can trust me and depend on me, just as he does for me. 

Ephesians 5:28-33 says, In the same way husbands [and wives] should love their [spouses] as their own bodies. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Someday I hope to be able to care for my husband as naturally as I care for my own body. But for now, I still have much to  learn. Oftentimes, I am self-centered, stubborn, and impatient. I say and do hurtful things. My hope is that in fourteen years, I will be less self-centered, stubborn and impatient with my husband. And the only way to reach that goal is to make oneness a habit by practicing certain actions. Here are some actions you can practice too:

- Be one in spirit. Pray together. Pray apart. Pray for each other. Ask your spouse how you can pray specifically for him/her. You will not always grow spiritually at the same rate, but you can share with your spouse what God has been teaching you, and in that way, grow together.

- Be one in mind. Make decisions together, even if it is inconvenient to wait for your spouse to come home or answer the phone. Of course, not every decision needs your spouse's approval ("Do I go to the store first or the bank first?), but sometimes even what seems small and inconsequential to you may mean more to your spouse than you think. (cue: "I wanted to decide on our son's birthday present together." or "I wish you had checked with me before you said 'yes' to that.") There is nothing wrong with personal goals, but be sure that the pursuit of a goal is best for both people, not just one.

- Be one in heart. Listen to your spouse when he/she shares his/her opinions and emotions with you. Don't be disparaging or belittling about what he/she thinks and feels.

- Be one in body. Connect physically often, just as you would connect emotionally.

- Be one in public. Speak only positively about your spouse when other people are around. Remember, you are ONE. If you say something biting or discouraging about your spouse, you are hurting yourself. If you and your spouse have an issue, talk with each other first. Then, if needed, invite a trusted friend to help. Otherwise, say only kind, encouraging words of praise about your spouse when you talk to your children, your mom, your co-workers, your friends… you get the idea.