This year, as I was thinking of what verse to draw for Christmas, this is the one that kept coming to my mind. Christmas is not about the lights, it's not the presents, it's not the food. Christmas is about God giving us the one Gift that we desparately needed.
I wish you and your family a wonderful, merry Christmas!!
My sister-in-law Simone loves books, and she especially loves good children's books, and she especially loves children's Christmas books. Three years go, she put her love into a YouTube channel called "Sundry Stories", where does read-aloud (and sometimes animated) videos of wonderful children's stories.
This year, she has ambitiously taken on the goal of posting a new Christmas story every day until Christmas. There are three videos so far. Check them out!
For several Christmases now, my family has had our Christmas traditions. I've shared them before, but I always want to share them again in case someone is in search of an idea to start with his/her family!
- Put out some snacks for the mail carrier and delivery people. They're busy this time of year! (the photo on the left shows the little basket that sits out on our front step, right under the mail box)I don't know what you're going through right now, but with the holidays coming, wounds that you thought were almost healed feels fresh and new again.
So I want to share with you the words of my friend Susan. Her father-in-law passed away suddenly a few weeks ago, and she writes about it on her blog.
If you're grieving, read her words. May you find hope and peace.
When You're Emotionally Exhausted
Yesterday was my birthday, which always makes me contemplate. Could I count the last year as a success? And by success, I don't mean, Did I make more money, did I write more books, or did I lose those 10 pounds? These are the types of questions I ask myself:
Am I a better parent than I was a year ago?
Is my marriage better than it was a year ago?
Do I love people better?
Have I gained more wisdom and learned more about God?
I'm glad to say that last year was a successful one, especially after the rough parenting and wife-ing moments and strange, blah birthday of 2020, and it was because I took these 3 things to heart.
1) Make every day count. I lost 4 friends in the past 2 years, all of whom were under the age of 43. I can groan about getting older, or I can see it as a blessing.
2) Our Triune God is the God of love and community. After reading Michael Reeve's wonderful (and easy-to-digest) book Delighting in the Trinity, I stopped picturing God as a lone person sitting out in the vast emptiness of space. No, He is in constant community with the Son and the Spirit! And that is how He wants us to live–ever giving, ever loving, ever connected to other people.
3) Live in love, not in fear. I used to be afraid of what people thought of me. In my heart I wanted to care for people, but I couldn't step out of my comfort zone to do so. But then I realized that "I'm shy" or "I'm an introvert" or "I don't know what to say" are just selfish excuses, because I was focused on myself more than on the other person. And if I want to "make every day count" and be like my Father, "the God of love and community", I need to stop making these excuses and start exercising my "love muscle." And it IS like exercise! In 2020, after months of not having people over, I found it extremely hard to think of cooking for guests! And having people over simply wiped me out! It was a strange feeling, and it showed me how easy it is to fall into a pattern of complacency. But if I exercise the muscles of hospitality, generosity and compassion, they grow stronger! What was difficult to do a year ago is easier now! And will be even easier next year!
So here's to another year of growing in wisdom and building up my love muscles! The older I get, the more I live in the reality of being the daughter of the King!
We love because He first loved us. ~I John 4:19 NIV
Grinding the coffee by hand.
Hanging the laundry to dry.
Writing a letter and sending it by mail.
Sometimes, doing something slowly is worth the time it takes. We have so many gadgets to help us save time... but why do we need to save that time? I'm not sure if "time-savers" are a benefit when it makes us feel like we should squeeze more things onto our to-do lists.
And plus, when we do something slowly, our minds can slow down too. We give more thought to the task, or give more thought to an emotion or idea. We pay attention.
I started a garden last year, but I don't have a sprinkler system or drip lines set on on a timer. When my flowers and baby fruit trees need water, I go out and grab the hose. And this is when I talk to my little avocado tree that is diligently growing tiny leaves. Or I bend down to dead-head the chrysanthemum and dahlias and make sure they're getting what they need. Or sometimes, I just close my eyes, feel the day shining on my face, and take a slow, deep breath. I know that if I didn't have to water the plants by hand, I wouldn't go outside as much.
Today, find a task that you would normally use a gadget for and do without. Knead some dough by hand. Read to your children instead of turning on a tablet. Drive without GPS (and see where the road takes you!)
My dad could have been a musician.
But growing up in Hong Kong, he was cooking for his family by the time he was twelve and supporting himself through college. As an adult, he still had a desire to learn the piano and study music theory (and for the longest time, we had two old violins that moved with us from house to house), but he never found the time.
My mom too could have been a musician.
I would hear her singing as she worked in the kitchen, her soprano voice ringing through the house. But her father was a portrait photographer who worked out of his family's small apartment, and her mom was an illiterate child-bride, so my mom relied on scholarships just to get through school.
It was through the church that my parents found an outlet for their love of music. They both became Christians in high school, and singing hymns was the perfect way for their hearts to express the musical joy that they had always felt. And when my sister and I came along, my parents made it a priority to buy a piano and find us piano teachers.
Today, I'm a piano teacher and music teacher. If not for my music teachers when I was young, I may not have had the chance to develop my skills. And I think often of my parents as children, and other children who are in situations like theirs. When I see my children (or anyone else's children) sing and dance on stage and I see the pure joy and the free innocence on their faces, my eyes always fill with tears. I know that this is what heaven will be like. And I want to give ALL children that bit of heaven on earth.
Music and the arts may not be the most practical skill, but I have learned from our "Covid" season that though we may look to science and medicine to heal our bodies, we must look to the arts to heal our souls. Music is one of the signs that we are more than robots and machinery; simply putting food in us and fighting off disease is not enough to keep humans alive–we need beauty to thrive! More than that, God gave us the wondrous gift of music, and music is a gift we can give back to God! The Bible is full of verses that say "sing to the Lord" and "make music to the Lord"!
So think of ways that you can grow the next generation of artists and musicians. You don't need to be an award-winning professional. You just need to have the love and the desire to pass on this love. Support the arts by attending youth events or donating to non-profits like Christian Youth Theater (shameless plug here: CYT Tri-valley). Ask the young painters, singers, writers, and dancers in your life about what they do. Remember, the arts are more than extracurricular or "just a hobby" or steps towards a job or career. Music and the arts are essential to our beings; they are food and medicine for our souls!
"Aaaaaaaargh!"
Sometimes there are no words for how you are feeling.
On Thursday, I wanted to raise my eyes to the heavens and scream.
I wanted to ask God, "Why?!?!?!? Why did she get cancer??!??! Why couldn't You heal her???!!"
Because it hurts. It hurts again. Another friend has passed away after months of praying. I just want to know why.
God says He cares for the sparrows. But I've found baby sparrows dead, fallen from the nest, too late for me to save them. And it happens again and again.
And this happens again and again. Another friend has lost a daughter. Another friend has lost a wife. In two and half years, I've said good-bye to six friends, three of them to cancer.
And I have no words.
It's hard to praise God at times like this. I admit it. I praise Him through gritted teeth and streaming tears, like an angry child who doesn't understand but won't argue the fact that his parent loves him.
So I keeping praising Him–for what He knows that I don't know, and what He can see that I can't see.
The finite human mind cannot reach into the recesses into the infinitely transcendent mind of God. But the end of understanding does not mean the end of trust or love or obedience. ~Gregory Floyd
If you are grieving right now, for whatever reason, know that it's okay to tell God how you feel. Or, if you don't have the words, just raise your eyes to the heavens and scream. I'm not going to try to explain grief, or suffering, or God's will, but if you would like to read more, I recommend C.S. Lewis's book "A Grief Observed." If someone you know is grieving, I recommend Nancy Guthrie's book "What Grieving People Wish You Knew about What Really Helps".
When I was a young teen, I suddenly decided one day to wash the dishes for my mom while she was out (this was in the day before we had a dishwasher). Surprisingly, I had never washed the dishes before. My parents never taught me, or made me.
But this one day, when I saw the dishes piled in the kitchen sink, I thought it would be a nice surprise for my mom. Most likely I was prompted by a recent Sunday school lesson, something about "honoring your parents." So I did my best to wash everything and put it in the drying rack, then I waited for my mom to come home and notice.
It didn't take long for her to spot the clean dishes.
I waited for her to come and ask me about them, which she did. But when I told her that I had washed them for her, she didn't say "thank you" as I expected her to. She said, "They're still greasy. You didn't do it right."
And I didn't wash dishes for my mom for a long time after that.
This was the memory that suddenly popped into my head as I washed the dishes this morning. I don't know why. But I see a two-fold lesson here:
1) Praise a child for doing right. There are times when quality matters, but what is more important is that the child is choosing to obey, to take initiative, or to make the attempt at something that is difficult. Rather than focusing on how well the child did the job, praise him/her for doing it to the best of his/her ability.
2) Our Father in heaven loves it when we obey Him. We hesitate because we worry about failing, but God asks us to take the first step in obedience, and He promises to guide us the rest of the way. He is the perfect Father, and He never criticizes us for not doing a good-enough job. Rather, He's the Father who asks you to do the dishes, then stands with you at the sink, gets His hands dirty, and cleans three plates for every spoon you clean (and the rest of the kitchen besides!)
I stood at the front of the room, eighteen pairs of teenage eyes looking at me. I was teaching a singing class, but I wanted to share something with my singers before we even opened our mouths.
I started telling them about how I started singing in high school, with no previous experience at all, how I learned all I could along the way, dealt with the disappointment of not making the top choir, but going on to college to study music and to keep singing. My hope was to encourage those who didn't feel like they were great singers.
I wish I could say that a student or two came to me after class and said, "Thank you so much for sharing that!" but none did. But I knew that if I had heard someone tell a story like that when I was in high school, I would have felt better about myself (and not have the courage to tell the person so.) That person would have become my role model for sure.
You have a story to tell, and you never know who might need to hear it. YOU can be the role model for someone who simply needs to know that someone has gone through similar experiences. For someone who is still on the journey, you are the one he/she sees further down the road, and it is so encouraging and so helpful for all of us to know that we are not traveling alone.
So share your story; be that role model for someone.
Something magical happens around six in the morning at my house. Color slowly seeps into the world again. Blacks and grays become blue, greens, and reds. What was invisible becomes visible. And the day is reborn.
I never appreciated this time when I was younger. I was a self-proclaimed night owl who loved sleep too much. I greeted 7:30am with a groan.
Then I became a mom. And I started greeting all hours with a groan. Morning always came too soon and I rarely woke with a cheerful attitude. If I couldn't roll over and bury myself under a pillow, I grudgingly forced myself out of bed. I wasn't thinking about the rebirth of the world; my mind was already running through my long to-do list for the day.
So what changed for me?
Two things:
My early-bird husband somehow convinced me to start walking with him early in the morning.
"If we wake up before the kids, we can go out for a walk, just the two of us!" he said.
"Before the kids?!" I replied. "At like... 6am?!"
"Yeah! Then we can get some exercise, get some time together, start off our day right!"
I can't tell you how many times we had this conversation before I finally said yes. And when we finally started getting up at 6am, I grumbled for a full week, because it was cold and I really loved my warm bed. But after a week of grumbling, I began to notice things: the neighbors' beautiful flowers, the morning's stillness, the early sun's lovely pale light, the birds eagerly looking for breakfast. The kickstart also gave me more energy in the morning. I wasn't moving at half-speed for half the morning. And of course, the extra time for uninterrupted conversation with my husband was a bonus! I started looking forward to rising with the sun.
For several weeks, we remained consistent in walking, Monday through Saturday. And then, just as we were making a habit of it, we couldn't go out because of the poor air quality from local fires. Then there was illness. Then the winter cold and rain. Then, it was simply getting-comfortable-with-sleeping-in-again. Before I knew it, I was groaning and moaning at 7:30am like before. I didn't know what I was missing until we went camping in July.
The Klamath area where we camped is full of redwoods, beaches, blackberries, and fog... my perfect environment. But camping also meant wildlife is right outside. Every morning, around 5:30am, a crow would sit in the tree directly above our tent and caw repeatedly. Then the sunlight would start coming through the tent. Then a child would wake up and need to go to the bathroom.
And it was on one of these early morning bathroom trips that I noticed how happy nature was even when I wasn't. While I was bleary-eyed and scowling, small song birds were chasing each other, chirping cheerfully like kids running a race. The flowers showed off their colors and the redwoods stretched to the sky. It was a new day, and they all knew it and greeted it with joy.
I decided to start a new habit: no more grumbling about my mornings.
When I came home, I told my friend Smreethi about my morning revelation, and shared with her three verses that I've put on my bathroom mirror.
This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. ~Psalm 118:24 ESV
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: rejoice! ~Phil 4:4 NIV
I will praise the name of God with a song; I will magnify him with thanksgiving. ~Psalm 69:30
And Smreethi encouraged me with this verse:
Then I was constantly at his side. I was filled with delight day after day, rejoicing always in his presence, rejoicing in his whole world and delighting in mankind. ~Proverbs 8:30-31
Just last week, I asked my husband if he would start walking with me in the morning. His answer was an enthusiastic "yes!" The next morning, I got up without a grumble. I put on my jacket and shoes and stepped out into the morning chill. The sun was just peeking over the rooftops and my morning glories were starting to wake. A bird greeted me, and I greeted it back. The day was reborn.
It's been a crazy summer. You can tell because I haven't posted anything since June. Our summer started off with a major play production, my parents' visit, my sister's wedding, my best friends' visit, and my husband's grandmother's memorial service. July slowed down, but ended with a week-long camping trip, followed by kids' camps.
And now it's August! Time to buckle down and focus on school prep, all the while trying to clean the house after bringing home the woods (and laundry!) from our camping adventure.
BUT...
I'm rebelling inside. I go through phases like this every now and then, and this summer, it's been especially hard. I'm tired. And I don't like housework. Or schedules. I don't really like cooking, washing, and household managing for 8 kids day in and day out.
BUT...
I do it. I do it because I know it's only for a season, and because I believe that mothering truly is a higher calling. Nothing I do in life will be as important as nurturing my children and creating a loving, warm, safe environment for them to grow in.
BUT...
there is still a part of me that wants to ignore the dishes (that are in the sink at this very moment) and spend my hours doing something else. I'm always itching to dive back fully into the world of music and art. I got a taste of this in June, when I directed and performed the music for the play production, and let me tell you–I loved it! I felt like I was finally doing what God designed me to do, after keeping myself in check for the past 18 years (yes, my first-born turns 18 this month!) and my heart jumped when the youth theater company asked me to be music director for their upcoming season!
BUT...
I had to say no. Believe me, it was difficult. I just couldn't see how I could juggle homeschooling, housekeeping, and music directing. I knew that I wouldn't "be there" for my husband and kids, both mentally and physically. For now, I still need to focus on mothering. And so, I prayed that God will give me opportunities like this again, when the timing is right, and in the meantime, I will trust Him and be patient. I know that God gave me talents to bless others; it's just a matter of finding ways to do so even in this season.
FYI, just because I have 8 kids and homeschool doesn't mean I always enjoy my full-time mothering job. It's hard. I'm not always content.
BUT...
this is what the Bible says about contentment.
Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:11-13 ESV)
If you know you are where God wants you to be, you can be content. God will give you the strength to get through it. And so I know that being home is EXACTLY where God wants me to be! And from that, I draw my contentment, even as I struggle, and in my contentment, I find joy.
If you are like me, constantly debating with yourself, constantly bouncing between "buts", let me encourage you. There is nothing wrong with having the desire to use the talents God has given you, as long as those desires don't become your main focus and override God's will for you. It won't be easy; it will require years of patience, perseverance, creativity, and trusting in God.
BUT... (the final but)
it's worth it. No one else can be Mom to YOUR children. While you feel like you're just cleaning and dealing with grumpy children all day, you are doing SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT.
In the meantime, what to do when you feel the pull between your responsibilities and your desires?! If you fill all your waking hours with only cleaning etc., you will burn out and lose your joy in mothering. You NEED to do the things that feed your soul. And you can balance that by either creatively involving your children, or finding an hour or two every week to do what you love. Here's what I do:
1) Remind yourself of the truth (review Philippians 4:11-13). Don't listen to the lies out there. You don't need a job to fulfill you. You may choose to work (and I know how good it feels to get recognition and pats on the back) but a job or career will not "complete" you. Only God can do that. Motherhood is not the loss of identity, but the gain of a new one. Only when you understand this will you find contentment and joy in motherhood.
2) Pinpoint what you really need to feed your soul. Is it getting outside? Is it moving physically? Is it thinking in a creative way? Is it collaborating with people? I thought I missed being a professional musician, but it wasn't necessarily the performing that I miss. I discovered that I just love making music with people (any people!), and being challenged musically. Once I pinpointed this, I figured out ways to meet this need.
3) Be creative in finding an outlet. When I couldn't paint, I discovered chalk art. When I couldn't sing in a choir, I started a little children's choir at my church. When I need something to break up the mundane, I try a new recipe, play or sing a new song, or take the kids exploring in our area. You can teach a class, you can involve your neighbors, you can play piano for residents at a senior care home, you can volunteer at the school or library. If you think outside the box, you will find that there are many ways to do what you love with your children, or do what you love in a smaller setting that still leaves you time for mothering.
I love making things. I get such joy when I see the finished product and think, "I made that myself!"
If you're a DIY kind of person, here are some MIY (Make It Yourself!) projects for you to try this summer!
Deodorant
This was my most exciting discovery from this year! As soon as my store-bought deodorant ran out, I pulled out a recipe I had been saving. A little mixing and voila! homemade deodorant! What is amazing is that when you first mix it, the concoction looks liquidy and nothing like solid deodorant. The first time I made this, I put the mixture in a a little jar to see what would happen. The liquid solidified after a day! Then I tried making some in my old plastic deodorant container: just twisted the push-up part all the way down again and spooned in the "soupy" deodorant, and the next day, I came back to perfect stick deodorant!
Here is the recipe:
1) Mix together 1/4 cup cornstarch and 1/4 cup baking soda.
2) Add 2 tablespoons liquified coconut oil and mix. (You can put the coconut oil in the microwave for a few seconds to melt it.)
3) Spoon into your container of choice and allow to firm up.
Facial Scrub
I also started making my own facial scrub! It's fine enough to use on my face, but I also use it on my body. If you prefer less graininess, use less sugar. If you want more graininess, you can add more sugar, or use regular sugar (for a body scrub only... regular sugar is too rough for your face). I keep the scrub in a small jar identical to my deodorant jar.
Mix together:
1/2 tablespoon coconut oil
1/2 tablespoon olive oil (or more coconut oil)
2 tablespoons of baker's sugar (superfine sugar)
Fingerless Gloves
Are you cleaning out winter clothes and discovering some old sweaters that you need to throw out? Cut the sleeves off and make fingerless gloves!
1) Take two pieces of an old sweater, fit them around your hand. If you are using the end of two sleeves, they may fit perfectly! If they are too big (or you are using two rectangular pieces), you will need to sew them first.
2) Fold over the cut edges and hem. In the pair I made, I only had to hem the top.
3) Add a few stitches between the thumb and finger, and you're done!
(In this picture, you can see the stitch I made between the thumb and finger. It's bright blue.)
Little Pumpkins
You can also use old sweaters to make these adorable pumpkins! The instructions can be found on my friend Kim's blog: Kim Chew Cooks and Crafts
Laminated Book Marks
Another simple project is to make book marks, using heavy packing tape to "laminate" them.
1) Create your design on a piece of cardstock.
2) Cut a piece of heavy packing tape that is longer than your bookmark.
3) Carefully lay the tape down, sticky side up. Center your bookmark over the tape and lay it on the tape.
4) Cut another piece of packing tape to match the first. Carefully lay it down, sticky side down, over your bookmark (sandwiching your bookmark between the two pieces of tape.)
5) Smooth down to press out any air bubbles.
Homemade Playdough
This recipe is from my friend Rebecca, and it's such a good one that I shared it in my new book (yes, there are recipes!) It's a fun "cooking" project to do with your kids! (That's my daughter's hand in the picture... she saw me "playing" with her play dough and couldn't help herself!)
1) In a large pot, mix together 2 cups flour, 1 cup salt, and 2 tablespoons cream of tartar.
2) Add 2 cups water and 2 tablespoons oil. At this point, you can add a few drops of food coloring, if you want only one color of play dough.
3) Cook on medium-low heat until a ball magically forms!
4) Knead on floured surface (add little bits of flour if it's sticky.) If you haven't already added the food coloring, you can divide your dough up into separate balls and add your food coloring to the balls. Knead to mix. (Your hands will get some color of them!)
5) Store in an air-tight bag or container in the refrigerator.
My next MIY project is taking a set of white cotton napkins and tie-dying them with my kids! I'll let you know how they turn out!
(For more MIY projects, check out my older posts: Make It Yourself! and Craft Ideas for Busy Moms)
After last year's abnormal year of schooling, I've had many parents ask me about homeschooling in the coming fall. Some are considering it because they really enjoyed having their kids at home, and some just want to try something different from what the schools are offering right now.
Whatever your reason, if you are on the fence about homeschooling, or you're ready to jump in but don't know where to start, this post can help. Read on!
SOME GREAT REASONS TO HOMESCHOOL (just three of many)
1) You pick the content.
The biggest plus of homeschooling is that you can pick what you want to focus on and include in your lessons. If your child is enthralled with astronomy, make that your science lesson. If your child is not a strong reader but loves to draw, do drawing book reports instead of written book reports. If you are looking for science or history books with a Christian base, there are many out there to get you started.
2) You pick the methods.
The biggest complaint I heard from parents last year was how much time their kids were spending on the computer. Homeschooling parents can choose whether they want their child to learn through a book or an online program. You can get really creative and do math through cooking, sewing, or woodworking, and science through bird watching and gardening! Homeschooling does NOT have to look like classroom schooling. In fact, it shouldn't look like classroom schooling at all, so don't try to copy what teachers do in a classroom! When you're not teaching to 30+ kids at a time, there are so many things you can do differently!
3) You pick the pacing.
You know those standardizes tests that they give students every year? You don't have to do those as homeschoolers (at least in California.) I love it that when my daughter was a slow in learning to read, there was no report card saying "Needs improvement" or pressure to make her "catch up." We can spend more time on subjects that we need more time for, and less on subjects that come easily.
4) You pick the schedule.
Is your child slow to warm up in the morning? Start school at 10am. Do you have little ones in the mix? Tackle the harder subjects during their naps.
DIFFICULTIES IN GETTING STARTED IN HOMESCHOOLING (it's an adjustment!)
1) Finding your groove.
There is a LOT of curriculum out there–it can be overwhelming. Start with something you know (I look at workbooks at the drugstores, bookstores, even Costco.) Go to the library and check out books to read. It takes a professional teacher three years to find his/her rhythm, so give yourself time too. You might not like the workbook you bought. A lesson you thought would be great might be just 'blah'. But don't give up. Keep trying.
2) Putting in the time.
Homeschooling will definitely take up your time. You'll need to look at lessons ahead of time and prepare. You'll need to sit with your child to teach them and help them. At first, you may feel like you have no free time.
3) Juggling different ages.
If you have children of different ages and levels, it will take you longer to find your groove. (And if you have toddlers and infants, it can take you longer just to get through a school day!) I combine subjects as much as possible (science, history, art, music) and have individual workbooks for math and language arts.
4) Feeling the pressure.
Homeschooling parents are always fighting against that feeling of "Am I doing enough? Will I fail my kids?" Remind yourself constantly that you cannot fail your kids by giving them more time with you at home. What is the goal, after all? That your child can read and think, love learning, love people, and love God. So it's okay if your child isn't taking AP Chemistry or Honors English. Success is marked differently in homeschooling–your child is thriving, feeling confident, feeling loved. And homeschooling doesn't have to be for forever... if it doesn't work out, you can enroll your child in school the next year.
SOME BENEFITS OF HOMESCHOOLING
1) When you're done, you're done.
There is no homework. No extra hour after school. When your child finishes for the day, he/she is truly finished. When you feel like your child has mastered a skill, you can move on!
2) Your child will have more time for other things.
Homeschooling is not like a typical school day, which can go from 8am-3pm. We start at 9am and my younger kids are finished by lunch. Because there is no time used for attendance taking, crowd management, passing out papers, etc., the work is done a lot quicker. (And if your child is a fast worker, there is no waiting for the rest of the class to finish.) Then your child has time to pursue other interests, visit the library, or go play at the park with friends.
3) Your child will eat better.
Every morning, my kids eat a good breakfast with the family. Lunch is healthy, balanced, and warm. There is no need to buy box juice or packaged snacks, or make sandwiches in the morning when you homeschool. (You're still welcome to do so, but you don't have to.)
4) There is time to work on heart issues.
If a child has a bad attitude about math at school, the teacher will do what he/she can do, then maybe contact you about it so you can deal with it later (or you find out about it weeks later at a meeting). If a child has a bad attitude about math at home, you can stop the lesson right there and talk to your child about it. Sibling disputes, talking back, all those issues that can pop up throughout the day can be dealt with right there and then. It becomes the more important lesson at that moment.
5) Less pressure.
I know my teenagers need to learn about grades and deadlines, but my younger kids don't need the pressure of passing spelling tests and turning in projects on time. We move at a slower pace, and if unexpected situations come up (because you know they do!), we can change our deadlines.
6) Time to be together.
My family is tight knit. We enjoy each other and have fun together. My kids are best friends and work together well. In a few years, my children will start leaving the nest, so we want to make the most of this time we have together!
HOW TO LEGALLY HOMESCHOOL
If you live in a state besides California, you must look up your state requirements, because every state is different.
For Californians, it is simple to become a homeschooling family. California does NOT require yearly testing. That is entirely up to you.
1) If your child was in a public or private school, talk to the administrators about making the switch. Ask them if there is any paper work you need to fill out or anything you need to do.
2) In October, file a Private School Affidavit online with the California Board of Education. Here is the link: Private School Affidavit. You can pick a "name" for your "school". My husband signs as the principal, and I sign as the administrator.
3) Keep a record of your child's attendance in school (minimum number of days is 175, recommended number of days is 180.)
4) Keep samples of your child's work in all subjects.
5) If you have younger children, keeping a record of grades is up to you. For high schoolers, record grades and start a transcript. (more of this here: High School Transcript Templates)
If you have questions, please ask!
In my new book, I make a lot of confessions. Here's one I didn't include:
I'm afraid to talk to new people.
This morning, as we gathered for in-person indoor worship for the first time in over a year, I was so nervous about the many new faces filling the sanctuary. I wanted to stick close to people I knew, or busy myself with something and avoid eye contact. Just the thought of talking to someone new makes my heart race, my palms sweat, and my mind go blank.
And I used to let that be my excuse.
"I'm just shy. That's who I am."
"They don't want to talk to me. I'll wait for someone to come over to me."
"It's easier to hang out by the food table and keep putting food in my mouth so I don't have to talk to people."
But guess what? God still calls me to love people, to reach out, and to build community. And He has all the tools I need to grow in this arena.
No more excuses.
So, this morning, I made it my goal to meet one new person before I left. And I did it! I walked straight up to a new person and introduced myself.
Sometimes I'm talking to parents and I hear them say things similar to what I used to say about being shy.
"I could never do what you do."
"I just don't have the patience."
"You were meant to have eight kids. I wasn't."
There was a time when I believed these too! I would watch how another mom handled a situation and think, "I could never..."
But I have learned over the years that God calls me to be the best mom my kids can have. He has all the tools I need to grow as a parent. So whether I am getting to know my newborn, or I'm figuring out new ways to be organized, or I'm learning patience–again and again and again–God's got me covered.
No more excuses.
(Read more about my parenthood journey in my book, Dirtying My Sleeves!)
Ever since she started walking at eight months, my youngest has always acted older than her age. If she sees me vacuuming, she wants to vacuum. If I'm cutting vegetables, she wants to cut vegetables. She wants to do EVERYTHING that her siblings do.
So usually, when she insists on doing something "all by myself", I let her try, if it's not dangerous. This may mean that her shoes are on the wrong feet and her shirt is backwards (and I'm practicing my patience as she is taking soooo long to do each task), but I can see that she is growing and learning.
But there are times when I KNOW that she cannot do something, simply because she doesn't have the dexterity or the understanding at the age of three! And yet, she insists on trying to do it herself (and there is no convincing that girl.) So I let her give her all. Sometimes I'll leave the room (my daughter tells me "Go away!") or I'll just wait nearby. Then after a few minutes, I hear "Mama, I need help!"
And aren't we just the same with our Father in Heaven?
God knows that things will be difficult for us. He knows that parenting, or getting sick, or losing a job, or loving a neighbor, is a difficult task that we cannot tackle alone. So He does not leave us to do everything on our own, and yet, oftentimes, we insist on doing it "all by myself!"
And how long does it take for us to realize that we don't have the strength or the understanding? How long do I keep trying before I finally pray "God, I need help!"?
My Father is always right by me, always ready and willing to do the heavy lifting. In ALL things, big and small, He never leaves me to struggle by myself, if I only ask Him for help!
PEACE!
Don't we all need more peace in our lives?
Not just the clean-and-quiet-house kind of peace, or the lounging-on-a-beach-in-Hawaii kind of peace. I'm talking about the strong, steady peace of being in under God's wings even when a storm is raging all around you.
Recently, I learned something about myself.
I walked into the kitchen and saw a mountain of pots and pans in the sink, leftover from breakfast and lunchtime.
Ugh, I said to myself. I knew I had to tackle them before dinner prep started.
I took a step toward the sink, my eyes locked on the dishes, daring them to look away... and I lost the staring contest. I turned and decided I'd rather bake something instead (even if that meant more dishes.)
Then, while the pumpkin pasties were in the oven, awaiting my consumption, I started washing and cleaning up. Funny, how at that point, I didn't mind doing the dishes.
What did I learn?
That it's not the kitchen that I like, but the food. I'm not really in the kitchen unless there is en enticing, tasty reason to be.
Here is something else I've learned from these recent months: what is essential, and what is merely an inconvenience.
Wearing a mask is an inconvenience, when people are losing their jobs and losing their loved ones.
Writing a card and putting it in the mail, or baking banana bread and dropping it off at someone's house, is an inconvenience, when there are people who are lonely and missing friends and family.
Packing up enough fold-up chairs for a family of 10, along with toys, crayons, and lunches for the little ones as we attend the 11:00 outdoor service is an inconvenience, when it means that we can gather with our church family for worship.
Do you see what I mean?
Even today, when the sun was shining too brightly and the black top started warming up to uncomfortable temperatures, I thought to myself, "This is merely an inconvenience! What is better than being with my church family on Palm Sunday?!"
And I pray that you learn this lesson too. There are so many non-essential details in life that we can complain about, but if we really focus on what is important, we will find that those details don't really matter anymore.
What have you learned during this Covid time?
When California went into Covid Lock-Down, almost exactly one year ago now, I felt like life came to a halt. We cancelled our St. Patrick's Day dinner with my in-laws. We moved church services to "on-line." We stopped getting together with our friends.
But, though life slowed down considerably, life didn't stop altogether, especially in my busy household. We found ways to keep ourselves busy, and I actually enjoyed having more time with my children.
This past year has been a gift to me, and a side product of my extra time with my family is my new book, "Dirtying My Sleeves." The book was in its infancy stage at the start of 2020; I figured it would take me several years to finish it. Then, when I suddenly found myself with extra time at home, I discovered that it was just what I needed to think, ponder, observe, research, and finish writing this book.
So I am excited to announce that this book is now available! It is part life story, part parenting tips...here is an excerpt from the first chapter.
...what I realized one day, as I watched my daughter wear her pancakes and syrup, is that parenting is all about "dirtying my sleeves." There are things I must do as a parent, no matter how much I may dislike doing them! I can't parent from a distance, with a pair of chopsticks to help extend my reach. I can't wear rubber gloves and be picky and choosy, being involved only when I want and stepping back when I'd rather be doing something else. Parenting involves the whole person jumping in, being in the middle of it all, and letting the pancakes and syrup get on me too. I grasped this when I had my first baby–there was no weekend or vacation from this job. But it was not until I had my eighth baby that I learned to embrace it. This really is going to take all of me...
...This book is not a "how-to" manual, nor is it a solution to your parenting woes. It is simply a retelling of my experience and what I have learned over the past sixteen years. You will see that I started out the same as any other new mom: fearful, uncertain, anxious, grumpy, impatient. I was trying so hard to hold onto my life B.C. ("Before Children") that I was closed to new possibilities. But with help from God and the community around me, I have grown, emerged, and flourished, and continue to do so. Through motherhood, with all its highs and lows, I have found a joy that is unmatched, and a sense of accomplishment that is eternal.
If you would like to purchase a copy, you can do so on Amazon.com.
In the past two years...
a friend lost a husband,
a friend lost a wife,
a friend lost a child,
a friend lost a parent to cancer,
and a friend was diagnosed with breast cancer.
This is basically my list of the Big "What-Ifs".
Other what-ifs aren't so scary. My husband could lose his job–no biggie, been there, done that. Our house could burn down; that's just stuff, stuff comes and stuff goes.
But to lose my husband, my child, my parent, or my health... I have to ask myself, "Would I start doubting God's love and faithfulness? Would I turn from him? or doubt his existence? How would I respond?" And these things could happen to me. Four of these five friends are my age.
Seeing my friends go through these heart-breaking, soul-crushing times have been the most difficult thing I've ever experienced. The only thing harder would be experiencing them myself.
But–if this is any comfort to people going through a hardship right now–it's because of my friends that I'm no longer afraid of the Big "What-Ifs."
Because I've seen my friends go through these times, and come out the other side.
Because I've seen how their faith carried them along when they had no strength left.
Because I've seen our church family surround my friends with love and care.
And because I've seen the Savior cover them in His wings and draw them near, even when He felt the most distant and silent.
There are some changes coming in the next few months for my family, and thinking about the unknown always causes a ball of anxiety to collect in the pit of my stomach.
But I don't have to be afraid. God is the faithful Shepherd, and through green pastures or the Valley of the Shadow of Death, He is always with me.
JOY!
Last month, I shared about the "Fruit of the Spirit Project," started by a friend of mine. Every month, she delivers a box full of small gifts that represent one of the fruit of the Spirit. Last month was Love, and this month is Joy!
Is there someone in your life that needs this reminder too? Are there people you know who could use some encouragement today? Consider starting your own "Fruit of the Spirit Project" to spread the joy!
"Oh, so you're Nathan Baird's wife."
Those words make me nervous. That's because my husband is a pastor. His face is on our church website. He gets up and speaks in front of people.
I'm usually just doing my thing–watching my little ones, helping out in the nursery, baking desserts for the high school events. But once I hear those words, "Nathan Baird's wife", I start wondering, "What sort of expectations are tied in with that?" This didn't bother me when my husband was a teacher. Or when he was a graphic designer. Hearing those words then usually meant the person is looking forward to get to know me, because they already know my husband. But when I'm at church and I hear those words, I imagine that the person thinks he/she has already figured me out.
Because you have to admit that in Christian circles, there are expectations of what a "pastor's wife" should look like or act like: she's put together, always smiling and welcoming, her children are quiet and well-behaved, and she leads the choir, cook for potlucks, and teaches Sunday School. In some churches, the "pastor's wife" is treated like the First Lady (in some churches, the pastor's wife is called the "First Lady"!) In some churches, the "pastor's wife" is an unspoken job description (my mom, also a pastor's wife, says it's like a "two-for-one deal.")
I'll say this outright–I hate it.
Growing up as a "pastor's kid" (also known as a "PK"), I hated the burden put on on family simply because of my father's position. I agree that as a Christian leader, my father is an example for others, but this usually led his congregation to believe two things:
1) he NEVER makes mistakes or does anything wrong
2) his family are perfect leaders too
As a PK, I played piano, then ran and taught Sunday school, then ran back to play the last two songs in the service. I led the youth group while still a youth myself. It was assumed that I didn't need discipleship or guidance. My mom, a quiet, introverted woman, was not a natural leader. Sometimes if felt like were thrown into the arena with the lions. Simply said, this did not promote spiritual growth in me or my siblings. I'm sure it didn't help my mom either.
So now, as a pastor's wife myself, I want to share with you some insight on how you can care for a pastor's wife.
1) Give her time.
One of the hardest tasks is juggling church activities while raising children. In some cases, the children get the short end of the stick. Give a pastor's family time to just be together, at home. They shouldn't spend every evening at the church building. They don't need to attend every church event. And remember that Sunday is a work day for a pastor, so his wife is juggling children alone. She should not be pressured to take on another task on a Sunday morning. Nor in the afternoon. She may need that time to nap and rest. Pastors and their wives need a Sabbath too.
2) Give her space.
I know a pastor's wife who is a professional artist (you've probably bought greeting cards designed by her!) I know a pastor's wife who quietly serves and reaches out to people, but would prefer not to speak in front of people. And I know one who has a beautiful singing voice and is a wonderful worship leader.
We all have different gifts. Some find it easy to interact with people, others find it draining. Some love to teach the Word, others are still learning. A pastor's wife loves people (as all Christians are called to love people), but how she does it will look different from person to person. Give the woman space to grow in her gifts and figure out how best she can serve the church.
But whatever she chooses to do (or chooses NOT to do), her job first and foremost is to be a pastor's wife in the truest sense–she is vital support for her husband. She should not be so loaded down with duties that she is distracted from her role as a wife.
3) Give her courage.
The word "encourage" has two parts: "to put in" and "courage or heart." You can give a pastor's wife courage by encouraging her. Pastor's wives may look confident and strong, but they doubt themselves just like everyone else. They feel discouragement and despair just like everyone else. They may feel unsure of themselves, or unsure of their ministry within in the church. But when you see them on a Sunday, they will still give you a big smile and say that everything is okay.
So encourage them in all they do as a mother, wife, servant, leader, and Christ follower. Tell them that they are doing a great job. Make time for real conversation; ask about her heart. This is not the time to ask about her "job" or make her feel like you're "checking up" on her. Instead of "How is Sunday school going?", ask "How is your marriage?", "What are you learning from the Word?" or "Are you feeling joyful? rested? peaceful?" She may not answer (a pastor's wife is always in the difficult position of knowing how much to divulge), but she will be encouraged to know that someone is seeing her beyond her role as "the pastor's wife."
4) Give her grace.
What if the pastor's wife said something unkind? What if she got impatient? What if she yelled at her kids? What if she cried? Would this make you uncomfortable? A pastor's wife is a woman like every other woman. Don't treat her like she is Superwoman, or God.
I am so grateful that my church does not pressure me to do anything I don't want to do. As a pastor's wife, I want to be acting out of love, not out of obligation. Think about how your church views the role of the pastor's wife. Is there something that needs to be changed?
When I was young, I would spend hours on the piano–playing new songs, playing old songs, singing, writing–I simply couldn't get enough. My parents loved it when I filled the house with music. My siblings didn't love it quite as much.
When it came time for me to decide on a college and major, I was set on education.
"You should study music," my parents told me.
I shrugged. But in the end I signed up as a music major because the school I picked only had education as a minor. Good thing my parents knew me better than I knew myself. I loved the four years I had to immerse myself in music; that love has not diminished. And my parents still delight in their daughter's singing and playing.
Now that I'm a mom, I also delight in my children. When I see my children doing something they love–singing, playing, running, building–the joy on their faces fills me with a greater joy.
Did you know that God delights in YOU in the same way?
Zephaniah 3:17 says, "The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing."
Some people, when they think of God, think of His anger or His disappointment. They see God more as a taskmaster than a father. Others, when they think of God as a father, see Him more as a provider or a guardian. But a delighted Father? one who laughs? the Creator who enjoys His creation? For most of us, it's hard to picture God this way. We're thinking, "Yeah, I know He loves me, but...."
God does not love us out of obligation. He truly enjoys us! He is happy when He sees us loving life! He rejoices over us with singing! That's like when I'm with my kids and I start singing a number from a Broadway musical (and totally embarrassing my children)! But I can't help it because I'm swept up by the joy my children give me!
Do you know the delight of the Father?
